Da Mo Yao Chapter 29: Sorrow

Now that I’ve decided Wallace Huo is my Meng Jiu, I’m going to make up for post-topping picture shafting him for chapters on end. My sister made fun of me for my Da Mo Yao drama casting freak out this week, since she mistakenly thought I had issues with Wallace being Huo Qu Bing. Er, no, that would’ve been fine by me. I explained the “new” Huo Qu Bing to her and she understood my grievances. That’s what sisters are for, right? The title for this chapter ofΒ DMYΒ can also be translated as mourning or grieving. I think all three descriptions confer the same emotion really. I like how Yu Er described how love is impossible to control. Her heart fell in love with Jiu Ye despite her logically knowing he wasn’t reciprocating, and later her heart isn’t going to make it easy on her to get rid of him that easily.

One of the gripes in Bu Bu Jing Xin was how quickly it appeared that Ruo Xi got over 8th Prince and moved on to 4th Prince. In the novel many years had passed, but in the drama it felt like an episode at most. But time is an incorrect measure, because I always felt that Ruo Xi just wasn’t all that in love with 8th Prince at the time they broke up, so her moving cleanly on felt possible. Whereas in DMY, I felt like Yu Er genuinely was madly in love with Jiu Ye, and the rub was she probably was also in love with Huo Qu Bing but she refused to acknowledge it. So when one possibility ended, the other began, but it never really killed the first flame. To get over Jiu Ye, Yu Er is going to have to work really hard at it.

Chapter 29: Sorrow

My heart really hurts, so without considering the ramifications, I release a long howl to the moon. In a split second, all of Chang An breaks into a cacophony of dog barks and roosters crowing. In what was a dark house the lamplight is lit and people start talking.

I quickly tried to leave the scene of the crime without making any noise. As I took off running, I let out a small smile. A person ought to be able to find joy even during the sad moments. And if their lives are not filled with much happiness, people ought to learn to create their own joyful moments.

Sticking to the darkened corners of the streets, I clear my throat and let out another howl. The same reaction happens again. I howl to the East, I howl to the West, I turn the entire city of Chang An upside down with freaked out animals. The street starts to light up and even the guards at the government estates are nervous. Everyone comes out ready to capture a wolf. Some claim there are three or four, others say there are ten of them.

The beggars on the side of the streets become the most popular people in town. Crowds gather around them asking what they saw. Normally a beggar would never get so much attention, so they are all eager and excited to spout out and gesticulate as to what they saw. Their stories become more and more exaggerated and the crowds start to gasp in shock. Perhaps these days have been too quiet recently so people are not scared by their story and instead get more excited. They appear to be waiting for something exciting to happen.

My eyes shifted a few times and I thought that since I’ve already caused a commotion, might as well make it even bigger to make myself happier and make the crowds happier. I see a black-cloaked person walk past, and once I confirm the coast is clear, I jump down behind him and knock him out with a bat to the head. I take off his black cloak only to discover he’s a government official. Oooooops, this is not ideal. This is more serious that I intended. Oh well! I already knocked him out, it’s too late for regrets.

I put on the cloak and tie a handkerchief around my head. I hid on a rooftop and howl once more before starting to run along the roof tops. I’m chased by a crowd of government officials behind me, and lined all along the streets are people watching this show. When I almost kick a guard off the roof, some of the spectators actually clap in excitement. A lone hero can’t beat a hundred men, and the guards chasing me are increasing rapidly in numbers. It appears the entire guard retinue of Chang An is out to capture me.

Initially I wanted to taunt them a bit longer, but it turns out that some of them are actually not half bad at martial arts. In the beginning they were all randomly chasing me, but someone has taken charge and their pursuit has grown organized. I’m slowly getting chased into a dead end. Indeed I’m playing right under the nose of the Emperor! I’m impressed with their skill and hurry to find an exit. If I get captured, that ought to be interesting, but too bad I can’t afford to take that risk right now.

Because I don’t want to kill anyone, I withhold some of my strength and try to avoid them. I’m looking for a way out…..and I flip right into the backyard of the Huo Estate. The guards must know who owns this place so they don’t follow me inside. I secretly stick my tongue out at them. Likely a bunch of high level government officials will be knocking on the door in a few minutes, and Uncle Chen can kiss his sleep goodnight.

I sneak into Qu Bing’s room and peek inside. There are no maids keeping watch over him, he’s just sleeping alone on the pallet. I’m feeling upset and worried. How could Uncle Chen be so careless and not take better care of him?

I walk next to the pallet and lean over to check on him, when he suddenly opens his eyes. I yelp in shock and he immediately pulls me into his embrace. I’m enveloped snugly in his arms, leaving me laughing as I hit his chest “How dare you surprise me! No wonder there wasn’t a single maid around!”

He didn’t laugh and just said very seriously “I’ve been waiting for you this entire time. If you didn’t return by dawn, I was going to storm over there and grab you back.” I humphed at him “You’re a thief!” He laughed and kissed my forehead “That would make you the wife of a thief. Why are you dressed like this?”

I made a face at him and tried to struggle out of his arms. I took off the cloak and tossed it on the ground before removing the handkerchief tied around my head. “You’re in trouble now. Maybe tomorrow someone will tattle to the Emperor that you are secretly protecting a thief. Tonight I managed to cause a commotion to lure every government official out looking for me.”

He put his hands behind his head and laughingly asked “What did you steal?” I wrinkled my nose at him “Nothing, I just punked everyone for fun.” He furrowed his eyebrow and indicated for me to come over. I crawl under the blankets and snuggle in his arms “You don’t look like someone who was just ill. How are you this energetic? Are you uncomfortable anywhere right now?”

He frowned “Everything feels normal, but there is one area that’s uncomfortable.” I was immediately so nervous “Where? We’ll summon the royal physician at dawn tomorrow. No, let’s have Uncle Chen summon him right now.” I was about to jump off the pallet when he grabbed my hand and then slowly slid it down past his stomach “This area is quite uncomfortable.”

My hand could feel his arousal “You…..” I was so mortified and annoyed that my face was beet red. He laughed and lightly murmured in my ear “How long as it been since you willingly snuggled with me? So there is something good that comes out of getting sick. If I knew this, I would have gotten sick earlier. Since it’s such a rare occurrence for you to jump into my arms, if I didn’t have the appropriate reaction, I would be insulting the “icy cold beauty” that is you.”

I spit out “You’re a lech!” He kissed my cheek and sighed “Yu Er, are you willing to bear my child? I can’t marry you right now, but I’m going to be yours for this entire lifetime. It’s bound to happen sooner or later. If you don’t care about official titles, I don’t want to restrain myself anymore.” I turn sideways to avoid his kiss and didn’t have a chance to respond to his question when Uncle Chen was outside “Young master!”

Huo Qu Bing ignored him and continued to tease me and ask in a low voice “Yes or no?” I’m too afraid to breathe, worried that Uncle Chen will hear what is going on inside the room. But Qu Bing doesn’t care the least, and the more nervous I am, the more it gets him all into it. He decided to just kiss me on the cheek with a loud resounding smack.

“Young master! Young……” Uncle Chen’s voice trailed off into silence for some time before “Young master…..”

Huo Qu Bing said in an exasperated voice “Why do people keep interrupting at the most crucial moment?” He called out “What?” Uncle Chen explained “The Guard Master asks to see you, saying a thief appears to have snuck into our estate. He wants the young master to investigate and I came to ask you what to do?”

Huo Qu Bing replied “What so hard you need to ask me? Can’t you decide what to do?’ Uncle Chen stammered “Our estate is protected no less securely than the Palace, anyone entering would encounter dozens of dogs. Plus today there are rumors of a wolf commotion in the city. So I was thinking……thinking that…..” I can tell he’s having a hard time saying it so I help out “Uncle Chen, it’s me. I snuck into the estate tonight.”

Uncle Chen let out a sigh of relief “That was what I suspected, so I already sent the Guard Master home. But after that the an even higher official come by saying that a violent thief had knocked out the Crown Prince’s tutor with a bat to the head. The tutor is furious and has vowed that the thief must be captured, otherwise he’ll make sure the guard officials all get in trouble.”

Huo Qu Bing laid down and with a lazy expression turned to look at me. He flicked me on the forehead and said with a laugh “Fine! I’ll make a trip to the tutor’s estate in a little bit. There must be an even more dire situation involved, so tell me who else came by?”

I was already wondering why a high court official was all wrapped up tightly and wandering around Chang An late at night by himself. So this was what happened? I whisper in Huo Qu Bing’s ear and he laughed and gave me a strange look, shaking his head indicating he didn’t agree with me.

Uncle Chen piped up “Li Gan is here waiting for you, claiming he’s here on orders of General Li as the Palace Commander to ensure the safety of Chang An. He asks for your cooperation to make sure the assassin is caught.” Huo Qu Bing’s expression turned cold “Li Gan is calling the person an assassin?” Uncle Chen softly answered “Yes.”

The Palace Commander is in charge of the safety of the Palace, so if they are calling me an assassin, aren’t they asserting that I was planning to assassinate the…..Emperor? I pitifully say “I think I’m in big trouble now. With such a huge mountain falling down on me, is Li Yan intending to crush me to death?” Huo Qu Bing immediately said “Li Yan? What do you mean by that?”

I cover my mouth and just stare at him, my eyes shifting but I don’t answer his question. He shook his head “I’m not sure what is making you so worried.” He turned to Uncle Chen “Since third brother Li has already guessed it’s Yu Er, then don’t lie to him. Tell him the truth – it was Huo Qu Bing and my woman who got bored tonight and decided to play a prank. I’m sorry we disturbed them. Right now we’re resting on the pallet so if he wants to arrest someone tell him to barge right in. Since I’ve never seen the inside of a prison cell in Chang An, tell them I’m thanking them in advance for showing me around there.”

I pull his robe “You can’t say this, you can’t…..” Uncle Chen was outside and quiet for some time, and he finally said “Yes” and quickly left. From the sound of his, his footsteps are unsteady like he’s drunk.

I lay down on the pillow and make a face “Huo Qu Bing, are you purposely messing with Li Gan or with me? Why do I feel like you’re upset with me?” He laughed “Half and half, but my annoyance isn’t just regular annoyance, it’s unsatisfied bedroom annoyance.” He brushed my hand aside and kissed me on the nose “Li Gan is very thoughtful and this is a chess match he orchestrated. If I play the match with him, I might not win, so why not just play stupid and mess up his entire chess match. Let’s see what he does about that? If he gets upset and makes one wrong move, we can use that to taunt him.”

This man doesn’t follow the rules of military tactics and he does things without following normal protocol. If I’m comparing shamelessness with him, I will clearly lose. I turn around and lay down to sleep, deciding to ignore him. He laughed “So you’re just going to sleep?” I huff “It’s almost sunrise and I’ve been getting exhausted on the rooftops of Chang An all night. If you don’t let me sleep, I’m going back to my place.”

He embraced me from behind and softly said “Go to sleep!” I smile and then ask “In the morning, are you really going to pay a visit to the estate of the Crown Prince tutor?” He laughed “You call me shameless, but your behavior was pretty low as well. He’s the Crown Prince’s tutor and not a random stranger. I ought to pay him a personal visit.” Word is that the tutor has a shrew for a wife so he’s found a beautiful and elegant mistress on the side. He tried to keep this a secret, but when I ran the dancing houses I learned about all the juicy scandalous details about the court officials.

When I heard from Uncle Chen that the guy I knocked out was the tutor to the Crown Prince, I immediately realized that he was sneaking home from his mistress’s place. I gave Qu Bing an idea to send word to the tutor asking if his temper is more important, or his wife’s temper? The tutor will obviously let this issue go rather than escalate it. Who cares about some thief if he’s dealing with an irate wife. Too bad Qu Bing has decided to be a gentlemen on this matter.

My sleepiness hits and I yawn. He quickly says again “Go to sleep!” and I murmur a yes before falling into peaceful slumber.


When I wake up it’s already time for dinner, but Qu Bing is not home. Uncle Chen said he’s in the Palace and sent word that he’ll be late coming home so I should eat dinner first. I suddenly remembered that I left the house so quickly I didn’t say anything to Hong Gu, so I decide to go back to Luo Yu House.

The moment I enter the house, Hong Gu walked up “The Shi Enterprises…….:” She hit herself on the forehead “It’s not the Shi Enterprises anymore….Tian Cao sent word asking you to please visit the Shi Estate.” I hesitated so Hong Gu urged me “They are insisting you please go, apparently Jiu Ye is very sick.”

When I left last night he was not doing so well, so my heart remains concerned about him. I quickly say “I’m off to the Shi Estate. Please keep some dinner for me, and if nothing is terribly wrong, I’ll be home shortly.” Hong Gu smiled and said yes.

I arrive at the Shi Estate only to find Tian Cao sitting outside on a carriage waiting for me “I’ve been waiting for you! Jiu Ye is outside the city in the Qing Estate, I’ll take you there right now.” I quickly ask “What happened? If he’s not well, how come he left the city?” Tian Cao sighed “Jiu Ye was always prone to colds and this time he’s especially hit hard. He wanted to not worry you so he tried to pretend he was fine, but he lost consciousness shortly after you left. The royal physician was by and ordered us to move Jiu Ye to the Qing Estate.”

My heart was aching. I can’t pretend I don’t know why he got to be so ill. To cut off an emotion is already such a painful process, why can’t he stop trying to be considerate of me and start taking better care of himself? If something were to really happen to him, how could I bear it? How I could seek my own happiness if that happened?

It’s a blanket of chilly white frost in Chang An, but the Qing Estate benefits from the hot springs nearby and already the first signs of Spring are appearing. Some flowers and greenery are sprouting but neither Tian Cao nor I are in any mood to appreciate it. I run straight for Jiu Ye’s room. He was still unconscious and his forehead was burning hot. Sweat beaded down his face and I took the handkerchief from the maid “Let me do it!”

I’ve switched many handkerchiefs but his body temperature still doesn’t go down. His lips are starting to crack and I moisten a towel and gently wipe his lips. He’s so feverish but he keeps calling out “Yu Er” and each time he called me I reply “I’m here.” The pain in his face seems to lesson and he appears to smile. Tian Cao spoke up “Now you know why I insisted you come. Your presence makes a huge difference to Jiu Ye’s illness.”

Xiao Feng arrived and appeared to say something to Tian Cao, hopping around urgently. Tian Cao called me over but Xiao Feng wanted to object but Tian Cao ignored him. “Xiao Yu, I don’t want to keep anything from you. General Huo has sent someone to the Shi Estate multiple times to look for you. And he’s already been by personally even though it’s the middle of the night. If you want to leave, I’ll send someone to take you home.”

After keeping vigil all night, I can see that it’s almost sunrise. I’m so anxious with worry and exhausted that I simply sigh and walk back to the water basin to pour some cold water on my face. I look at the still unconscious Jiu Ye “No need. I’ll stay here until Jiu Ye wakes up.” It was until noon that Jiu Ye’s fever finally went down and my tightly wound heart finally relaxed slightly.

Jiu Ye opened his eyes and when he saw me, he smiled “They finally found you. Where did you run to in Xi Yu? I’ve turned that place inside out and still I couldn’t find a trace of you. Yu Er, please don’t be mad at me. It’s my fault. After I read all the handkerchiefs in your box, that was when I knew what a horrible mistake I made…..”

I was so shocked I wanted to say something but the doctor next to me shook his head. I walked over and gently said to Jiu Ye “I’m going to get a drink of water and will be right back.” Jiu Ye looked at me with worry and I smiled “I’ll be back after getting a drink. I won’t go anywhere.” His nervousness eased and he nodded his head.

I walked outside and Tian Cao spoke up first “Didn’t his fever break? What’s going on? Why is Jiu Ye not coherent?” The doctor explained “Don’t worry. After a prolonged fever, the fever has broken but he’s not fully conscious yet. His mental energy is weak and he’s thinking based on what he wants to remember and not based on rational thought. He will naturally try to forget the bad memories and just remember what makes him happy. After a good sleep he’ll regain coherence. But right now Jiu Ye musn’t be stimulated with anything negative. His body and mental state are in a relaxed and safe place right now, but it’s also highly vulnerable to shock. If you aren’t careful, he can get worse. You guys just let him talk and follow along. Try to get him to sleep, and after he wakes up, he’ll be all fine.”

Tian Cao looked at me and I nodded back. I walked inside and saw that Jiu Ye was staring at the doorway the entire time. He saw me come in and his face showed his unfettered joy. It’s a happiness that isn’t hidden with any other emotion and seeing it so suddenly makes my heart jolt. I assist Jiu Ye to rest on a comfortable cushion and take the food from the maid to feed him. He indicated for me to open the window.

Outside the window is a flowing hot spring. and the hot steam makes it feel like we’re in a fairyland. “……I heard that one time grandmother was playing the zither in this room and grandfather had to go discuss a business deal and had to leave. But he was reluctant to leave so he kept looking backward at grandmother as he walked out. So the servants call this corridor the “Turning Neck Corridor”, and when grandfather found out, he was happy rather than upset………” I don’t know when the room emptied out until it’s just Jiu Ye and me left. Jiu Ye’s voice is the only sound in this otherwise silent room.

He held my hand “Grandmother wasn’t in the best of health and she died before I was born. I often think of my grandparents walking along this corridor holding hands. If my life was half of what my grandfather experienced, then it will be worth it. Yu Er, am I too late with these words? Will you still let me view the flowers with you?”

My hands were trembling but he held on tightly. I didn’t answer for the longest time and his eyes started to show despair so deep and thick it could drown a person in it. It was so painful to see that I could feel my heart breaking into pieces. I nod my head with certainty “I’m willing. Once you are all better, we can go visit Tian Shan (the Sky Mountains) to see the snow lilies.”

My words are like a magic elixir and it calms the tempest in his eyes. His grip on my hands loosened and he started laughing with joy “The Heavens are indeed fair to me. Thank you for giving me Yu Er.” My eyes filled with tears. The Heavens, you are surely not fair. He lost his loved ones when he was young, he’s crippled, and even if he has all the riches in the world, it has turned into the world’s most vicious chain locking his freedom in a vise.

“Yu Er, are you crying? Did I make you cry again……” I forced a smile “No, I’m happy. The doctor says you need to keep calm and get plenty of rest. Do you want to sleep now?” He reached out and wiped the tears from my eyes and pulled me into his tight embrace. He’s so forceful it feels like he wants to lock me in his embrace forever “Yu Er, Yu Er, Yu Er….let’s never be apart ever again. Since you left, I’ve hurried to do everything so I can disappear from Chang An. Once I arrange everything, we can go to Xi Yu. Buy two of the fastest horses and we can quickly and thoroughly disappear.”

“Yes” and my tears continue to fall on his shoulder. He continued “I’ve always wanted to be a real doctor. Once I settle everything in Xi Yu, why don’t we open a small clinic. I can treat patients and you can gather medicine for me. I’m sure business will be swell.” I reply “With your talent at healing, business will be so good we will barely have time to even have tea.” He countered “That won’t work. Patients are important but I want to spend time with you. Why don’t we hang a sign that we’ll only see twenty patients a day.”

“Okay. And if anyone forces you to see them, I’ll kick them out.” “We can build a cabin in the Sky Mountains where we can spend the Summers.” Everything sounded so real I laughed “In the Winter we can go see the volcanoes.” “Yu Er, the fish in the Gu Nai Shi Lake are supposedly quite delicious. I can grill some for you. You’ve never sampled my grilled fish, right? It’s a recipe I perfected from the classic texts. Rumor has it that Huang Di (the first Emperor) himself ate it. I don’t know if it’s real or legend, but I’m sure the flavor is out of this world.”

“Um hmm, I heard the herders say that the Gu Nai Shi Lake waters change color with the seasons. It changes from blue to green to almost white, almost twenty different colors. I visited twice with the wolf pack so I’ve only seen two colors.” “Why don’t we live on the lake for a year then, so we can see all twenty colors. Yu Er, where else do you want to go?”


Jiu Ye fell asleep on my shoulder, his face relaxed and with a smile on his lips.

I gently place him on the pillow and turn around to look out the window. The sun is setting outside and the dusk is bathed in a blood red light. I turn back to look at Jiu Ye’s happy visage and suddenly all the strength in my body disappears. I sink down to the ground and stare at Jiu Ye and start bawling. But I don’t dare make any sound, so I bite down on my hands to keep myself from crying out. But my tears rush forward like an unending flood.

Dear Heavens, I pray of you, please be kind to him just this once. When he wakes up tomorrow, let him forget everything that happened today. Forget everything, forget everything……….


Da Mo Yao Chapter 29: Sorrow — 72 Comments

  1. Omg…. dont know what to say about this chapter… the 1st part made me blush but the 2nd part was agonizing…. how is she going to answer to JY when she goes back to QB …..

  2. *Sob* *Sob*
    I am sitting here crying a river hoping the Heavens (i.e. Tong Hua) decides to give him some happiness (or writes him a love story where he gets the girl). This is too painful and his life is too sad and lonely. I hope he gets to be a doctor thereby fulfilling one of his dreams.


  3. Thank you very much!!! I usually don’t cry, but reading this chapter my tears are falling down and I can’t control them. I just love Jiu Ye, for me he’s perfect, maybe too perfect ^^.

  4. LOL@ HQB haha he never ceases to amaze me with his awesomeness!

    But for me this chapter was all about Jiu Ye. For the first time ever my heart literally ached for him!!

  5. A person ought to be able to find joy even during the sad moments. And if their lives are not filled with much happiness, people ought to learn to create their own joyful moments.
    True! But no hitting please:)

    Amazing chapter! It started funny, action, steamy & gut wrenching. I can’t picture LSS doing the steamy part, but I picture her sitting on the floor crying, rocking back & forth & covering her mouth so she won’t make a sound.
    Please let him forget everything…

    Thanks you again for continuing! To think we almost didn’t… Shudder…

  6. Hi! I just caught up with DMY the last weeks and it is fantastic. Thanh you so much for translating. I really love it.
    This chapter was so sad, well at least the 2nd Part. I almost cried for JY.
    BTW, does anyone know where I can read the chinese version, although my Chinese is limited, I like to try it out.

  7. It’s a shame Jiu Ye did not speak all of his mind to Yu Er earlier when she was free….I hope he does get some kind of heavenly reprieve in the end. Too bad.

    HQB is naughty…lol

    I cannot see him watching her go on like this for too long because it’s not really heart, body and mind healthy so perhaps that’s why he wants her to get pregnant. HQB, you strategist you. πŸ™‚

  8. I think it is Jiu Ye who deserves Yu Er. He is such a good guy… Yu Er had accepted Jiu Ye as he is, with his handicap and history. Too bad he realized it just a bit late.
    Life is never fair. I guess there are no second chances in love? I don’t think Yu Er will ever be free of Jiu Ye. Even though she chooses HQB, he will always be somewhere in her heart.

    I just want Jiu Ye to be happy!

  9. Ms. Koala, thank you for your translation! ^^
    Sigh. This is truly one of the most compelling love triangles I’ve read about.
    Can’t seem to avoid heartbreak can we?

  10. I can’t explain why but everytime Yuer has an intimate scene with Jiuye I keep imagining that Huo Bing is near. Even in this chapter where they are at the Qing estate. Even if I know Huo bing don’t know about this place but when they embrace I have a feeling he’s outside looking in with despair but can’t move.

    • Probably because he was doing that all throughout the earlier chapters of the book. Whenever Yu Er & JY had a moment…HQB would appear out of no where – I remember thinking he must’ve had a Yu Er detector lol

      • lol, ahhh that must be how he always appear at the right place at the right time. Who knows HQB can be such an innovative guy.. now we know who invented the tracking system..

  11. Jiu Ye and Yu’er made such a beautiful vision of their life together that it makes my heart hurt reading it. It just feels so simple.

    Jiu Ye just be mine.

  12. I feel bad for Jui Ye but I can’t help thinking what HQB is feeling right now. He still doubting Yu er’s feeling & she didn’t exactly say yes to him. Poor baby!

    It’s like Jui Ye is her bestfriend. She don’t want to hurt him but she no longer inlove with him. Too bad we can’t ship him with someone…

    • This makes me wonder. Does HQB suddenly wants to have a baby with YE to make sure that she will never leave him? Because I thought that he doesn’t want his child to be born illegitimate?

      • He’s just a hotblooded guy who wants to sleep with his girl. No more no less. But without contraceptives, there is no way she’s not bound to get pregnant. So their choice is either no sex FOREVER since he can’t marry her, or just go ahead and live like husband/wife without an official title.

        I never saw 4th as using a child to tie RX down. Where’d that come from? And neither is HQB trying to get YE pregnant. LOL, he just wants to jump her. I like his one-track mind, and the fact that he won’t touch her unless she says yes and is fine with the possibility of getting pregnant.

      • yup i agree he is just one hot blooded guy who wants to sleep with his girl hehe… at first he didnt want to becos he doesnt want his child be like him, illegitimate… now he doesnt care…

        4th Prince nvr tie down RX with a baby… it just happened… they were the loveliest couple and I really love both of them

      • I think after RX left him 4th wished he had the child to tie her to him but I dont think he originally wanted a child to tie her down to him. He wanted a child with her because he loved her so much. He said himself, he would make her son the Crown Prince because of his love for her.

        HQB on the otherhand…He’s stuck between a rock and a hard place, he wants to marry her but can’t unless he marries a princess first so it’s have a kid out of wedlock and be with his OTL or have to deal with royal politics.

      • I do believe that 4th prince wanted to consummate his relationship with RX because he really loves her. But I also think that having a baby so RX wouldn’t leave the palace as easily is one of the perks 4th must have considered.

      • @oakoala .. i think Lazy Goose is referring to the translated essay written by a Chinese citizen analyzing 4th prince’s action. http://sparkskey.livejournal.com/59744.html

        The author said 4th prince is afraid Rouxi will leave him after how he treated the others and wanted to tie her down with the baby. Because to Ruoxi, he thought she want her freedom more than him or any titles.

  13. I feel so bad for JY. If only he was this honest with her in the past. This wouldn’t have happen. How can anyone read this and not ache for him? I have to say, while I do love HQB, but JY’s character is just unforgettable. He was late for one moment, but ended up paying for that mistake for the rest of his life. It just doesn’t seem fair to him.

    • Agreed. When i see Jiu Ye, i can only say “what if, what if”. Life is not fair, but the price he pay for his mistakes is especially cruel. Too cruel. People say you cant always have what you want, but at least you get what you need. Jiu Ye doesn’t even have even 1 thing. I just hope some swallow goes in and swoop this guy off his feet because it’s sad to see such a magnificent man goes to waste.

      Even if he can’t have the person he love (Yu-er), i still hope he has someone who love him dearly.

      • But he wasn’t one step too late, he was just too late. He had countless chances with YE and never took the chance, he kept pushing her away and only realized it when it was too late and she was gone. It’s cruel that when he realized it, she was gone and now he has nothing. My heart hurts for him because he’s a good person that deserves happiness but the person in front of him that kept trying to give him happiness over and over again, he kept pushing away and hurting.

        Maybe he’ll know for the next time he finds someone to love him as YE did and he’ll learn to not let that person go this time. I cry for what could have been, we just saw a glimpse of how happy they could have been together, but it was his own fault that he doesn’t have that happiness now.

      • @question987: true. timing is a biatch isn’t it? I think that was Jiu Ye only flaw: his self-esteem. He is confident in everything else, but he just couldn’t believe that a beautiful, lively and confident girl is madly in love with him.

        (kinda off topic here)
        Even though some people and even Ms. ockoala think Jiu Ye’s trying to win back yu-er is douchey, i still think it’s courageous of him to do that. If he didn’t say anything when he saw Yuer and HQB, it’s like he’s back to square one. Too scare to love, to be loved and to confess. So i’m glad he try and begged Yu-er because he own her at least that. He own it to her to be honest and truthful and let Yu-er decide. Even when we the audience know that HQB and Yu-er are the OTP, but who here thought that Yu-er is actually over Jiu Ye? So it’s perfectly logical for Jiu Ye to try to woo Yu-er back. And i think this conflict is good for Yu-er so she can decide who she want for real. Since Yu-er arrived to Chang’an and fall in love with Jiu Ye, I always felt like HQB is the back-up guy, the rebound. I feel he’s wayyyy more in love with her than she is with him.

      • I don’t think it’s douchey of Jiu Ye to try to win back Yu Er. I think he should do everything he can to win her back. I thought it was douchey that he tried to kiss her on the lake when it was clear she didn’t want it. That’s all. I do like the dude but his timing is always all off. Always. Sigh.

  14. Thanks so much Koala for continuing to translate this. I am the same as you. Hu Ge is HQB, LSS is Yu Er and Wallace is JY and I refuse to think otherwise. There is no one who can do a better JY than Wallace. Wallace (Soft Tofu) is everything that JY is supposed to be; soft, delicate, yet stern in his convictions and beliefs, but for love he was willing to change (noble sacrifices be damned!).

    After CP3, Long Yang (Hu Ge) IS HQB. How can you not look at him in his General get-up and not swoon. I’m not saying he can’t do a JY, but I see him more as a the ever sturdy, solid HQB.

    Not sure if you’ve had a chance to have a look at this video, but this is my DMY.


    You can see Yu Er’s sassiness in LSS.

  15. So heart-wrending!!! YE has to lie to Jiu Ye about a future together just not to upset his delicate condition. OMG! That was such a powerful, moving act on her part. And now that his heart is involved, being with (or without) YE actually affects his physical health. Gah! This really is a missed opportunity for the ages. So tragic. πŸ™

    But how ’bout our naughty HQB?! πŸ˜‰ I like….I like….

  16. Thanks! Of course, Jiu Ye wont forget anything and I bet HQB is going to jail or something for the incident with the tutor.

  17. My heart is just on a roller coaster ride with this story!!!
    I can’t decide which one I want to root for!!! ><

    BUT first of all, thank you soooo much for continuing with this story!!!! (screw tangren and its mess-ups)

    I still choose HQB only because I never truly felt for the Jiu Ye and Yu Er's relationship… he seemed so much more like a guardian as opposed to a romantic interest.
    But now that he has totally crushed that dam, his emotions come like tidal waves and it's so heartbreaking. So I'm still swayed.
    Their talks about their future is so sweet but the passion HQB and Yu Er have for each other is so hard to ignore. *sigh*

  18. Hunger strike over! Thank you Ms. Koala!!!

    Good gracious – not sure who I should be shipping for at this point. While HQB is the ‘hero’ of the story, I kinda find myself cheering for JY…BUT – I don’t think they could be happy together…

    Is it me, or does anyone else think that JY would easily put YE on the back burner if his principles were challenged or he felt the cause was bigger than his happiness??

    • IMHO, I don’t think Jiu Ye would back burner YE if (by no small miracle) he won her back. Having lived through a missed connection and soul-searing reunion (for discussion’s sake…since I’m totally shipping HQB), having gone throught that would teach him once for all time how precious YE is to him and how fundamental their relationship would be to his existance.

      JY strikes me as the type of person who would pine for this lost love for the rest of his life…kinda like how 4th prince (Emperor) worked himself into an early grave because of his lost love with RX.

      If anything, I think over time, he would always feel guilty about not being able to have a family with Yu Er. Even if he didn’t voice it, JY would probably feel twinges of regret about “dooming” his wife to a life without children everytime she saw mothers and their babies or children playing in the town…or something. *That* might be a bigger obstacle for him rather than his principles/causes coming between them.

      Like I said, I’m totally for HQB, but this is an interesting line of thought.

  19. casting news!

    9th brother from BBJX is Li Gan in the drama. A coincident that in both dramas his character has some sort of animosity towards Shi Shi’s character? lol

  20. I finished the novel sometime ago so it was good to read koala unni translation…. But after imagining Hu ge as my HQB throughout my novel reading days, now he turn out to b jiu Ye….my poor heart just start to bleed again….it is like my fantasy to see him n shi shi together and than wake up, nope he doesn’t end up with gal…..cry me a river…I want Yu Qin to split herself in two….one part for HQB and one for JY….JY is just too pitiful!!!!!!!

  21. “β€œThe Heavens are indeed fair to me. Thank you for giving me Yu Er.” My eyes filled with tears. The Heavens, you are surely not fair. He lost his loved ones when he was young, he’s crippled, and even if he has all the riches in the world, it has turned into the world’s most vicious chain locking his freedom in a vise” —> Heart. *crumbles* gaaahhhhh…don’t mind me..just sweeping up the remnants of my shattered heart…poor JY. Looking back, I can see why he was so hesitant/scared to accept JY and why he hurt her over and over again. He had seen so much pain growing up….he was just scared of putting her through that and obviously has never faced that sort of decision before…so he didn’t know better. He’s responsible for so many lives so he has to be thorough and careful in his thinking. Too bad that once he realized his mistake – there’s no take backs or second chances. You’d think after all the bad cards he’s been dealt in life the Heavens would cut him some slack. πŸ™

    Someone get this puppy a cotton filled box and a chewy toy so no more harm can come to him. And a Yu Er clone. kthanks.

  22. Thank you for the translations! πŸ˜€ Yet another great chapter!

    I really love the pictures you always post as the beginning of each chapter! Wallace looks really hot there….

  23. this chapter really really makes me heartbreaking. *sobbing
    This is why i love Jiu Ye so much and feel pity to him at same time.
    Only with one small mistake, his happiness slipping away from him.
    At the ending of this chapter, i can depict how Yu er bawling and hope Jiu Ye will forget what had happened.
    do really hope Jiu Ye will find his own happiness eventhough that is not with Yu er by his side.
    Tong hua, why you must create Jiu Ye’s character like this. If his character likes 8th prince, maybe i can dismiss/hate this character easily. But i cant do it

  24. Thank you so much , Koala san ! Yu er was so naughty in the beginning , causing havoc in Chang an , hehe … HQB is so hot-blooded , but I admire his self-control …Ah , I want them to make-out soon , hehehe….
    But , my heart aches for Jiu ye ….oh , poor soul …. I am teary-eyed reading his part … gah , this chapter really brought up a lot of different emotions from us … I’m eager to know what happens next .
    Koala san , take care !

  25. Jiu Ye T_T YE T_T …………tht conversation could hav real if JY had acknowledge YE love for him,way sooner…… Now they just can’t n it hurts them both JY YE coz YE can’t wat JY wants….HQB is in YE heart coz she wants him…though she love JY she loves HUQ more… This chapter is sad at the end!

  26. the last part of this chapter where Jiu Ye talks about where they wanted to go together breaks my heart. Jiu Ye could have had it all with her, but because of one missed chance, he lost it all :(. Sad…but that’s the beauty of life though isn’t it?

  27. I no longer have to wonder what YE’s life would have been like had she chosen JY. They would have made a lovely couple. sigh.

    The dialogue between YE and JY planning their future was bittersweet. Thank you for your beautiful translation.

  28. I had thought Jiu Ye deserves losing Yu Er. But with his vulneralbilities laid bare, how can one feel anything else except pity? Had I been a cripple leading a secret life, would I have rejected the doors of happiness when it came knocking? Probably. I can only hope this is the last time Jiu Ye’s character got slaughtered in this book because Yu Er has already choosen HQB and can never treat him with anything else except friendship and pity.

    And what a man she has chosen! I can only laugh and hope that he finally finds an uninterupted moment before he burst. heh-heh.

  29. I wonder if I’ve lost a bit of sensitivity but I love this chapter because of HQB – I love his straight-talk and audacity. Hot, hot, hot !

  30. *sigh* i luv HQB. but, YE should honor her papa’s wish for her to marry. HQB should fight for her….maybe, hqb will reason out with the emperor when the time he fought for empress Wei. JY is YE’s first love….never dies? πŸ™‚ thou, we all knew it’ll be YE and HQB at the end …. what will happen to HQB if YE will go to JY? tsk tsk tsk…..possibilities are endless in this novel…..awooooo! lol

    Thank you dear msKoala πŸ™‚

  31. Koala, i love ur picture of Wallace…that’s almost a picture perfect person for Jiu Ye.

    The thing about this chapter is that I felt so much for Jiu Ye that it becomes impossible to cry. it’s just a choking ache in the heart.

    I wish TH cld have written his pursual of Yu Er’s affections in a way that doesnt invoke pity in me, but the kind of awwwwwwww, so sweet, feeling that i have when i read abt HQB’s efforts for her.

    • LOL I’ve learned after reading so many chapters and knowing HQB’s audacity, I should never ever read a DMY in class πŸ˜€

      • HAHAHAAA~

        I was bored in class, so I decided to start reading…

        I had to stop myself from grinning like an idiot when I read how HQB was “uncomfortable”

  32. Love this chapter!!!

    Pity Jiu Ye….. He is such a kind person, he does not deserve to be lonely. I nearly cry when I read this chapter at my school. Now I wonder why Tong Hua gives Jiu Ye such a sad and pitiful life…..

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