Lost You Forever Chapter 17: Swimming Upstream Seeking You, The Road is Long and Hard

This chapter 17 of Lost You Forever marks the end of Volume 1 of the novel. Volume 1 was simply titled Lost You Forever, but Volume 2 is further titled Telling of a Sorrowful Love, while Volume 3 has the additional title of Longing Without a Horizon. That gives a glimpse of what is to come, but before we get there it’s time to close the introductory volume of this novel by having some major questions answered while setting the stage for Xiao Yao and Zhuan Xu to stop talking about fighting the big fight and start actually doing something about it. Xiao Yao is the least sentimental female lead in all of Tong Hua‘s novels, and is the least likely to be led with her heart over her mind. She is practical to a fault, the type of girl who will choose a good marriage over a passionate all-consuming love affair.

She asked the Yellow Emperor if she could be with a guy who is already engaged (Jing) or a guy who is the enemy of him and Zhuan Xu (Xiang Liu), and that really is turning out to be the two major obstacles to her happily ever after unless either or both guys gives something up to be with her. Zhuan Xu isn’t really in the picture as a romantic lead right now because he and Xiao Yao are simply each other’s most important person without any subtext on her part and on his part he keeps his feelings for her close to the vest. This story is just about Xiao Yao’s life, it’s about how her life is closely intertwined with Zhuan Xu’s quest for the throne, and in this chapter it’s time to see if both are ready to face the first challenge ahead. I’m honestly exhausted to have translated so much so fast so will be reigning myself back going forward before I burn myself out on this daunting endeavor. Thanks for the great interest in LYF and onward we go towards volume 2.

Chapter 17 – Swimming Upstream Seeking You, The Road is Long and Hard:

When Zhuan Xu lived in Gao Xing, he was living at someone else’s house essentially with the empty title of a Prince without actually enjoying any real power.

Now that he was back at Xuan Yuan and hanging out all the time with his wastrel cousin Cui Liang, he was wining and dining everyday and sampling all the delights of the world. Zhuan Xu gradually got hooked on Cui Liang’s bad habits.

His formerly quiet residence started having dancers and singers in residence. It wasn’t a big deal to have women around, which of the rich and powerful men didn’t have kept women around.

Cui Liang and his friends felt alcohol wasn’t a big enough buzz and started taking pills made from magical drugs that would give them a bigger high and even hallucinations. Cui Liang wanted Zhuan Xu to try it and initially he declined but after awhile watching Cui Liang take it and having their women coax him, he finally tried it when a sultry dancer used her pert mouth to pass a pill to him.

When there was a first time, there was a second time…..and Zhuan Xu and Cui Liang got even closer.

One time Cui Liang brought his buddies and women to Zhuan Xu’s residence and ran into Xiao Yao. She was furious and went to tell the Yellow Emperor in detail without sparing any words. The Yellow Emperor ordered each of his grandsons whipped sixty times, with Cui Liang unable to get out of bed for the next month afterwards. He also berated his Cang Lin and Yu Yang in front of the entire court and had them kneel for two hours. Cui Liang was scared of Xiao Yao after that and never came by the residence anymore and would go a different direction when he saw her coming.

Zhuan Xu stopped coming back to the residence and was always out with Cui Liang. No one in Xuan Yuan Castle cared about Zhuan Xu so no one worried that he was wasting his life away. Only the Great General Ying Long, when he ran into Zhuan Xu and saw him drunkenly trying to say hello, slapped him hard and said “This slap is on behalf of your parents!”

Zhuan Xu got slapped and felt terrible about it, locking himself up to reflect. But after a few days, Cui Liang came by when Xiao Yao was not around and dragged him out after a few drinks.

Initially Zhuan Xu would be repentant and embarrassed after each carousing session, but gradually that stopped. Another time when he ran into Ying Long and saw him angry, Zhuan Xu actually drunkenly pulled out a whip and threatened to beat up Ying Long. Cui Liang had to drag him off since Ying Long was one of the Yellow Emperor’s most trusted generals and was a renowned hard rock.

Within the entire Xuan Yuan Castle, the person who worried the most about Zhuan Xu was Ah Nian.

She would beg him to stop and he would sweetly agree, and then turn around and forget his promise. Eventually Zhuan Xu never came back to his residence and Ah Nian didn’t know the castle so she couldn’t go look for him and could only wait all night until he came home. But he was so drunk he couldn’t understand what she said and definitely couldn’t keep any of the promises he always made.

Ah Nian was so at her wits end she got in a heated fight with Zhuan Xu, even raging at him. But no matter her pleading or her yelling, or even threatening to go back to Gao Xing and never talking to him again, Zhuan Xu would only willingly promise to stop but never followed through.

Gradually, Ah Nian lost her temper and started crying. She hated Xuan Yuan Castle! In the most important castle in the vast wilderness, she encountered the most painful thing in her life. She gradually saw Zhuan Xu become a different person, everyday with a different woman on his arms, and she could do nothing to stop him!

Because of Zhuan Xu, Ah Nian’s formerly innocent eyes that had never seen any hardship, gradually became clouded with disappointment. It was like she grew up all overnight.

Ah Nian finally decided to bow her head and ask Xiao Yao for help to stop Zhuan Xu from hanging out with Cui Liang’s group. She was even willing to take Zhuan Xu back to Gao Xing.

Xiao Yao said wearily “It’s not like I’m not trying to stop him. I tried, I argued with him, I even went to Grandfather for help. We’ve had them beat up but the result is what you see.”

Ah Nian cried tearfully and Xiao Yao said “You did what you can do. If you can’t bear to see him like this, then go back to Gao Xing.”

Xiao Yao’s calm was completely opposite of Ah Nian’s heartbreak.

Ah Nian turned her anger on Xiao Yao “You cold-blooded monster! If it wasn’t for you, Gege wouldn’t have come back to Xuan Yuan. All because you wanted to visit that bad mother of yours and wanted Gege to accompany you. If he didn’t come back, none of this would have happened! Since you disappeared once before, why did you come back? You shouldn’t have come back!”

Xiao Yao glared at Ah Nian “Do not insult my mother, or else I’m going to forget we’re sisters.”

Ah Nian refused to back down because she was so hurt “I never once saw you as my sister so we don’t have sisterly feelings! If your mom wasn’t a bad woman, how could she abandon her own husband? She is a bad woman, who knows which man she ran off with…..”

With a resounding slap, Xiao Yao delivered a blow to Ah Nian’s cheeks and she fell on the ground shaking all over.

Xiao Yao said “This is not Gao Xing, it’s Xuan Yuan. The person you are insulting is the Xuan Yuan Princess. She died in battle for the people of Xuan Yuan and the people remain grateful to her. Just the few words you said is enough for Xuan Yuan to use as an excuse to attack Gao Xing. If you want to be an idiot, then scram back to Gao Xing and stop coming here to incite things.”

Xiao Yao told Hai Tang “Take her back, the poison will wear off in half an hour.”

Hai Tang said nothing and quickly picked up Ah Nian and hurried out.

Xiao Yao waited for Zhuan Xu in his room and saw him carried home passed out drink. The maids were used to it already and helped him change to rest.

Xiao Yao waited until they were all gone before sitting down next to his pallet and staring at him. This was a battle, but Zhuan Xu didn’t discuss with her beforehand so she could only play along with him on her own.

Xiao Yao touched his wrist and took his pulse before putting a pill in his mouth.

Zhuan Xu stirred awake and Xiao Yao said “Stop acting in this farce any longer. By the time the show is over, you would have destroyed yourself.”

Zhuan Xu looked at Xiao Yao “What if it’s not acting? What if I really have changed?”

“What are you trying test me for? That if you didn’t tell me beforehand then I would abandon you? Sorry, your test sucks because I know you too well. I know you’re acting the part. How did you come up with such a brainless plan?”

Zhuan Xu sighed “Sometimes people go stupid.” He really did want to know how Xiao Yao would treat him if he were to become a total dissolute. “If I really was this way, would you leave me one day because you couldn’t take it anymore?”

Xiao Yao smiled “Ask yourself whether you would abandon me in the same situation?”

Zhuan Xu immediately said “I won’t! If you became like this, something must have happened and I would protect you. I would make you better, and if you don’t want to get better….then I would stay besides you no matter what.”

Xiao Yao asked “Do you have my answer then?”

Zhuan Xu nodded.

Xiao Yao said “Those drugs you’re taking…why not ask me for a cure beforehand?”

“Don’t worry, I asked the doctors and they say the drugs are addictive but I have faith in myself to quit it the addiction when this is over. If I want to play act, then it has to be real. I have to let them think I’m so useless it’s safe to send me off to the Middle Plains where there is no way I can ever make anything of myself.”

“It’s not just addicting, these drugs are actually slow poisons and are poisoning your insides.”

Zhuan Xu smiled “But I have you.”

Xiao Yao said “Even if you break the addiction, your powers will be greatly diminished.”

Zhuan Xu smiled “I said before that I’m not relying on my powers to climb the mountain.”

“How much longer?”

“Soon. Soon we’ll be able to go to the Middle Plains.”

Xiao Yao said “Ah Nian is devastated and it’s not because you’ve changed. She can handle you being dissolute and a loser rich boy for life and its not enough to cry over. I saw the way she looks at you with those women. I think she doesn’t just like you as a brother.”

Zhuan Xu covered his eyes “What do you want me to do?”

“How should I know? Just remember that she is my dad’s daughter and my dad raised you and taught you everything.” Xiao Yao wanted Ah Nian to go back to Gao Xing which is why she was so harsh with her, but it wasn’t clear if Ah Nian would go back.

Zhuan Xu sighed “I know, that is why I’ve always genuinely cherished her. I don’t see her the way I do Xing Yue and those other girls.”

“Those other girls?” Xiao Yao twisted his ear “Fourth Uncle and Fourth Auntie was each other’s one and only for their entire life. Never apart in living or in death. You are completely different than them. I’m going to sit back and see how many women you mess with in your lifetime.”

Zhuan Xu rubbed his ear “I’m not purposely trying to mess with them.”

Xiao Yao walked out and said sarcastically “Want me to summon a woman for you?”

Zhuan Xu closed his eyes “I’m still groggy!”

Xiao Yao closed the door and went back to her room, laying on the pallet but unable to sleep.

The insults Ah Nian hurled at her mother were the words hidden in her heart that she was most afraid to face. But in her eyes there was the image of a vividly red robe, and a man with the look in his eyes that was so arrogant and wild that he could eviscerate the world in his one glance, yet when he looked at her mom, his eyes was so tender and loving. And the way her mom looked at him…..Xiao Yao didn’t know it then, but she understood it now.

The way her mom cried when she looked at him…the feeling of the tears landing on Xiao Yao’s face was a sensation she could still feel.

Xiao Yao touched her face as if to wipe those tears away but there was nothing.

Xiao Yao sat up in shock and opened the box on the foot of her pallet and pulled out a bottle of plum wine. Jing found a way to send plum wine every few months now, whether it was because he found the spy or another way to avoid his grandmother, or because of his alliance wit Zhuan Xu and Feng Long.

Xiao Yao gulped down the wine and felt like she got strength from Jing and slowly calmed down. Xiao Yao chased the thoughts of her mom away and drank her wine and thought about her dad. She smiled and her feelings told her that her dad loved her very much! She had to be her dad’s daughter!

A person suddenly vaulted into her room from the window and then immediately closed it.

The sounds of the chasing soldiers reached her, clearly they were chasing someone.

Xiao Yao didn’t yell, didn’t move, and continued to play with the wine bottle in her hand. She said in a slow drawl “I won’t be taken hostage by you so leave now and find someone else.”

The person didn’t accept her suggestion and walked towards the pallet. Xiao Yao counted to ten but the man arrived at her pallet by the count of ten and still hadn’t collapsed by her poison.

Xiao Yao knew this person had strong powers and her poison was unable to fell him.

The man lifted up the curtains around her pallet and sat down on it. Xiao Yao said “You may have strong powers but you’re injured. I suggest again you not mess with me.”

The man was wearing a mask and silently staring at Xiao Yao,

Her body tensed and her instinct told her this man was someone she knew well. She reached out, and the man didn’t stop her, and she slowly took off his mask. It was Fang Feng Bei.

Xiao Yao laughed “I much rather you were making a late night call to my lady’s chamber.”

Fang Feng Bei said nothing and Xiao Yao said “Can you go find your play buddies? Why come to me?”

“Like you said, they are just play buddies.” Blood trickled from the corner of his lips as Fang Feng Bei replied and he wiped it away.

Xiao Yao was torn and she picked up his wrist and then gave him some of the precious medicines that the Yellow Emperor and the Grand Emperor gave her.

“Lay down.”

Fang Feng Bei laid down on the pallet and Xiao Yao laid down as well and covered them “My Gege can’t control anything right now and my identity isn’t of much use either. If they insist on searching, there is nothing I can do.”

Fang Feng Bei said nothing and Xiao Yao felt he was very strange tonight. Just as she was mulling it over, a loud ruckus came from outside.

Xiao Yao couldn’t do anything other than wait.

She whispered “What did you do? You couldn’t have tried to assassinate the Yellow Emperor, did you? No matter how many have tried, they all end up cut down into pieces. You can’t have been that stupid.”

Fang Feng Bei continued to ignore her.

Xiao Yao sighed “Too bad you’re not a real useless playboy.”

The maid came to knock and Xiao Yao let her knock a few times before answering in a drowsy voice “What is it? What is going on outside?”

“The Prince is leading soldiers doing a search for someone.”

“Cui Liang?” Xiao Yao got up and put a robe around her “He wants to search the residence? What does my Gege say?”

“The Prince is passed out asleep still!”

Another maid quickly said “Princess, please put on your clothes! The soldiers are already searching the Prince’s quarters and have turned it upside down and even the clothes have been shredded. We are afraid they will come and offend you!”

Xiao Yao clenched her fist, she couldn’t believe how much Zhuan Xu could endure. A Prince allowing soldiers to ransack his room like that.

Xiao Yao opened the door and let the two maids in and she went back to sitting on the pallet. The two maids suggested “The soldiers are very brutish, Princess please go elsewhere and we can wait here.”

Xiao Yao smiled “Don’t worry, I want to check it out.”

The soldiers were searching from room to room but had likely heard of Xiao Yao’s spitfire personality so skipped hers for now. They arrived at Ah Nian’s room and were rude, the moment Hai Tang opened the door they wanted to push right inside. Hai Tang wasn’t a pushover either and immediately wanted to fight back, she was trained by the Grand Emperor solely to protect Ah Nian and the soldiers were a piece of cake for her.

Xiao Yao sat on her pallet and laughed.

The Xuan Yuan soldiers had a reputation for being fierce and under the direction of a captain they formed a spiritual maze to tightly control Hai Tang.

Xiao Yao sighed, no wonder the Yellow Emperor was feared all over over, even human Xuan Yuan soldiers were fearlessly opposing a God with powers like Hai Tang.

Ah Nian walked out of her room and with a wave of her hand a row of ice knives appeared and she sent it flying at the soldiers. She was very in control and didn’t aim for a critical spot, but more soldiers arrived and surrounded Ah Nian, and even two rode winged rides and hovered in the air clearly intending to strike.

Xiao Yao told her maid “Go ask Cui Liang if he wants to die?”

One maid was too scared to go but the other maid walked to the door and hollered “The Princess wants to know if the Prince wants to die?”

In a second, Cui Liang appeared with a smile and bowed to Xiao Yao “Why does cousin say this?” He glanced around the room.

Xiao Yao smiled “Not sure what you are thinking but can’t you tell – look at that maid. Can just anyone use her with her high powers and striking looks?”

Cui Liang responded “I thought she belonged to you.”

“No, she works for my little sister.” Xiao Yao pointed at Ah Nian.

Cui Liang’s entire face lost color and he yelled “Stop!”

He was positively ashen “The Gao Xing Second Princess is here and cousin didn’t announce her?” He was even angrier that no one told him.

Xiao Yao smiled “Do you think I care to conceal it. Grandfather could care less to tell anyone and might’ve worried you guys would come bother her. If you don’t believe me, go ask your dad!”

Cui Liang ordered his soldiers to stop but Ah Nian didn’t stop, released her anger at Zhuan Xu and dislike of Xiao Yao on the Xuan Yuan soldiers until everyone was laying on the ground and she yelled “Anyone else want to try!”

Cui Liang knew the Yellow Emperor was aware Ah Nian was here so even if he was furious he didn’t dare take it out on Xiao Yao. He laughed “Will cousin please apologize to the Princess, I wasn’t trying to offend her, I just didn’t know.”

Xiao Yao stood up and pulled open her curtains and said “Do you want to search my room as well?”

Cui Liang quickly said “No, no” but glanced over and saw messy blankets like someone got up quickly and in the corner there was an embroidered chest cover that was visible. Cui Liang’s heart skipped and he leaned down to look at Xiao Yao’s chest, if his cousin wasn’t wearing her chest cover…..

Xiao Yao saw him looking at her chest and her face changed. She pulled down the curtains and said “Get out!”

Cui Liang’s sleaziness was itching to touch her but no matter how sleazy he was he wouldn’t dare touch Xiao Yao and he quickly left,

Cui Liang figured he saw Xiao Yao’s room already and didn’t look like anyone was hiding there. But he was suspicious of Ah Nian but the soldiers were all dispatched by her and he didn’t want a direct confrontation with her. Plus Xiao Yao was half family and he could explain to his grandfather, but offending Ah Nian would be like declaring war with Gao Xing.

Cui Liang ordered the soldiers to leave but remained to apologize to Ah Nian “Because of the vicious criminals, we are afraid the Princess would be harmed so that is why I will leave soldiers to protect you.”

Ah Nian blamed Cui Liang for leading Zhuan Xu astray and was waiting for him to say something wrong so she could take out all her rage on him and beat him up. But he kept apologizing and explaining it away so she could only storm back to her room. Ah Nian could care less about the soldiers outside since she did nothing wrong.

It gradually quieted down outside and the two maids left the room and closed the door.

Xiao Yao extinguished the flame and sat on the pallet and released the curtains. She pulled down the blanket and revealed Fang Feng Bei’s head “Didn’t suffocate to death?”

Fang Feng Bei had his eyes closed and ignored her and she didn’t light another lamp and instead reached under the covers to touch his hand. She felt his pulse to understand his injuries and realized the pills she gave him earlier had no effect.

Xiao Yao released his hand and laid down beside him, staring at the ceiling.

“Who are you?”

“Who do you want me to be?” Fang Feng Bei coldly answered.

Xiao Yao said nothing and after a long time she spit out “You can be whoever you damn well please!”

Fang Feng Bei half rose up and his head slowly descended, but as his lips were about to touch Xiao Yao’s neck her hand came up “Stop!” and his lips kissed her palm.

Fang Feng Bei immediately laid down but Xiao Yao turned herself to the side and handed him her wrist “Bite here.”

“Why not there?” Fang Feng Bei’s expression was tense.

Xiao Yao started to really miss the easy going, whatever goes, totally game Fang Feng Bei “Why do you think? Fang Feng Bei!”

Fang Feng Bei was quiet for a moment and then reached for Xiao Yao’s hand and two sharp teeth appeared and pierced through her wrist. This was the first time Xiao Yao could see him sucking her blood. There was no pain, only the frisson of cool excitement.

Xiao Yao intently watched Fang Feng Bei but when he glanced over her she immediately closed her eyes docilely! How could it be that she was still scared of him!

After some time, Xiao Yao started to feel dizzy but said nothing. This was Xuan Yuan Castle, he had to heal as quickly as possible!

Fang Feng Bei finished drinking her blood and he gently licked the bite and Xiao Yao’s bleeding stopped. When he put down her wrist, there was no bite anymore and what remained looked like a passionate kiss mark.

Fang Feng Bei softly said “Xiao Yao.”

Xiao Yao couldn’t open her eyes and murmured “I’m fine, you heal now and after I sleep it’ll be fine.”

Fang Feng Bei rummaged through her boxes of medicines and took out a pill and fed it to her.

Fang Feng Bei then laid down and closed his eyes to self-heal.

Xiao Yao slept until it was nearly noon and when she opened her eyes, she immediately looked at Fang Feng Bei. He was still laying there with his eyes closed and she relaxed her worried heart.

Xiao Yao knew he couldn’t move but could hear so she said softly “I’m going out to eat since I’m hungry. No one will come in so you heal in peace.”

Xiao Yao got up and adjusted the curtains and walked to the corner to change. After she did her hair she walked out but all along the path she spread poison, and spread yet another layer of poison at the doorway before she felt left without worrying.

The maid who dared talk back to Cui Liang last night was watering the courtyard plants and Xiao Yao whispered to her “Watch them” indicating the soldiers Cui Liang stationed here. She was sure the maid was one of Zhuan Xu’s people.

She nodded “I understand, if anything happens I will raise a huge fuss.”

Xiao Yao smiled “What is your name?

“Xiao Xiao.”

Xiao Yao went to Zhuan Xu’s room where Ah Nian was sitting there. Zhuan Xu was half sprawled on the pallet, the room was a mess, and his clothes were shredded.

Ah Nian was angrily explaining last night and Zhuan Xu seemed upset as well and promised to go deal with Cui Liang later.

Ah Nian saw Xiao Yao walk in and her heart was a bit scared so she shot her a glare before leaving.

Xiao Yao glanced around “Did they search your body?”

Zhuan Xu laughed “No, they just pulled the blankets off.”

Xiao Yao was silent, how dare they!

Zhuan Xu yelled “Maids!”

The maids brought in a wash items and he and Xiao Yao washed up together. The maids brought breakfast and Xiao Yao ate. Zhuan Xu asked “Yesterday was the biggest insult of all time so even if I want to pretend to be the biggest wussy I should still go and throw a fit with them over this one. If you think this place is getting miserable, go back to Gao Xing with Ah Nian.”

Xiao Yao asked “Find out why Cui Liang brought soldiers to search the place.”

“You don’t need to ask, I’ll find out.” Zhuan Xu left with his face ashen.

Xiao Yao finished eating and went back to her room. She was worried she would interrupt Xiang Liu healing so she whispered “It’s me” the moment she walked in the door.

She opened the curtains and saw Fang Feng Bei silently laying there still.

Xiao Yao sat cross-legged on the pallet and quietly stared at him.

Xiao Yao still vividly remembered that it was a Summer morning. She was carefully packing the poisons she wanted to send Xiang Liu and was delivering it to the messenger shop run by the Tu Shan clan. After the product was sent, she was just thinking about how Xiang Liu would feel when he saw a box containing all sorts of beautifully designed poisons. Likely he would call her a weirdo pervert.

When she was happily leaving the messenger shop, he swanned over to her, just like a playboy hitting on a lady. He was all smiles and honeyed voice offering to teach her archery. Xiao Yao was amused and didn’t mind his trying to get close to her. Probably because he always made her feel like he was someone familiar to her.

From the day he taught her archery until now, it had been two years.

During the two years, the two of them were each other’s companion exploring every nook and cranny of Xuan Yuan Castle. He sometimes disappeared, and then would show up again, always with a whatever attitude. Xiao Yao felt like the two of them could have kept playing together like this for forever and an eternity. Because the two of them were just too similar – they didn’t care about anything, willing to try everything, interested in all, and whatever could make them smile. They appreciated all that was beautiful, but wanted to own none of it. Their life balanced precariously between darkness and light, if they chose light then behind them was thousands of miles of desolation, if they chose darkness then behind them was thousands of miles of glittering luxury. But even if they faced the light, they still had one step in the darkness so their light wasn’t completely pure but instead came from never forgetting all the pain they experienced before. The pain followed them forever which is why they were so strong, so brave, so independent, so cold, so no matter what happened, they knew they could keep on living.

Last night when she knew for sure he was Xiang Liu, she wasn’t surprised or shocked in the least. It felt like it was always this way, and this heavy burden in the corner of her heart was lifted, though another burden had arisen.

Zhuan Xu didn’t come back until the night of the second day all drunk with two women on each arm. She heard it was an apology gift from Cui Liang.

Ah Nian was in disbelief “For two women, Gege let someone ransack his residence and even search our rooms and he’ll let it go?”

The servant replied “Prince Cui Liang did apologize.”

“Apologize? Was what happened okay with just a simple apology?” Ah Nian was so angry her voice changed tone. The Xuan Yuan soldiers daring to raise their arms to her, that was just okay with an apology?

Ah Nian pushed the servant aside and stormed into Zhuan Xu’s room but immediately ran out with her face beet red and tears in her eyes. She clearly saw something inappropriate like Zhuan Xu making out with those two girls.

Ah Nian stood there for a moment and then turned and rushed towards her own room. Shortly thereafter, Hai Tang came out carrying their luggage with Ah Nian beside her.

Xiao Yao asked “Are you going back to Gao Xing?”

Ah Nian glared “I heard last night Cui Liang even looked on your pallet and you did nothing! All you dare to do is be mean to me!”

Xiao Yao said nothing and accepted that.

Hai Tang summoned their winged ride and Ah Nian vaulted on before it rose into the air. Xiao Yao called out to Hai Tang “Escort the Princess back to the Gao Xing safely.”

Xiao Xiao saw Xiao Yao looking at the sky and came over “Eldest Princess need not worry, secret guards will protect the Second Princess.”

Xiao Yao said “I know.” Zhuan Xu was the most protective of Ah Nian but this was the first big hurt he inflicted on her. It wasn’t that Ah Nian’s importance in Zhuan Xu’s heart changed, it was that Zhuan Xu had more important things to do so he gave up protecting Ah Nian.

Xiao Yao went back to her room and she held Fang Feng Bei’s hand and checked his injuries. His healing would be done soon.

Xiao Yao placed a set of men’s clothes beside him and quietly left. She could face Fang Feng Bei openly and could be all joking with Xiang Liu, but right now she didn’t know how to face both Xiang Liu and Fang Feng Bei at the same time.

Xiao Yao laid on the garden bench and stared at the moon.

Zhuan Xu came out and sat beside her “Ah Nian left?”


“You mad at me?”

Xiao Yao turned her head to look at him. His hair was wet like he just washed, and he smelled of cedar. Normally Zhuan Xu disliked scents and it was clear he was trying to get rid of a scent he hated with the cedar. Xiao Yao asked “How does it feel to live a dissolute womanizing life?”

Zhuan Xu smiled bitterly “A nightmare! Not just women feel dirty being with a man they don’t like, a man equally feels dirty and disgusting. Honestly, I would rather be stabbed a few times.”

Xiao Yao laughed at his pain “This time you are in the most pain, and since you are inflicting the suffering on yourself, what do I have to be mad at you about?” Compared to the pain Zhuan Xu inflicted on himself, even more was inflicted on Ah Nian.

Zhuan Xu rapped Xiao Yao on the head.

Xiao Yao grabbed his wrist and felt his pulse “You have to hurry, The drug addiction is growing stronger. In another half year, even I can’t guarantee I can break you of it.”

Zhuan Xu said “Soon, soon. Everything is prepared, just one more step.”

“What happened the night before?”

“Something was stolen. The map to Cang Lin and Yu Yang’s residences. Likely things they can’t let other people know so they are freaking out. But I don’t think the thief’s target was them, but instead another two maps that don’t appear important. Xuan Yuan has secret weapons and rations depots in the Middle Plains to guard against sudden war. I’m guessing someone has their eyes on the weapons and rations.”

Xiao Yao was silent for a moment “Want to tell Grandfather?”

“Why tell him? If Xiang Liu sent someone to steal it, then the Sheng Nong resistance army is Cang Lin and Yu Yang’s problem, not mine. The enemy of my enemy is my friend.”

Xiao Yao relaxed “Gege, help me do something. I want to know everything about Fang Feng Bei, from birth until now.”

Zhuan Xu stared “You…..you can’t really be seduced by him?”

Xiao Yao couldn’t stand his probing stare so she turned her face “I’m just curious so can you help me.”

“Fine.” For Xiao Yao to be interested, Zhuan Xu was now curious.

He had been out for some time and he grabbed Xiao Yao’s sleeve, burying his head in her robe and lightly sniffing like he was cuddling and angrily said “I don’t want to go back! I hate those two women!”

Xiao Yao smiled “No one is forcing you to go back.”

Zhuan Xu laid there for a moment longer and then raised his head and calmly said “From the moment my mom committed suicide, I lost the luxury of doing whatever I wanted.”

He got up to leave but Xiao Yao grabbed his sleeve “I can’t save you from those two women, but I can save your nose so you can’t smell them.”

Zhuan Xu smiled and his tight brow relaxed but he smiled gently “No, I want myself to remember well this humiliation. Later when I slack off, I will remember what I endured to stay alive.”

Zhuan Xu left and Xiao Yao stared at the moon until she fell asleep.

She returned to her room at dawn and the pallet was neatly arranged but empty. Xiao Yao sat down and put her hands together and fiddled with the bow callous on her hands.

Three months later, the canal project that Zhuan Xu was in charge of hit a major fallout. The Yellow Emperor was enraged and ordered him back to Cao Yun Court and was to not leave the mountaintop and reflect.

Sheng Nong Mountain had a small Palace that hadn’t been lived in hundreds of years and had fallen into disrepair. The Sheng Nong tribal elders were displeased and requested the Yellow Emperor to maintain and renovate it since Sheng Nong Mountain was the symbol of the Middle Plains, especially the main palace Zhi Jin Court.

The officials conferred, those who were too powerful wouldn’t want to go to the decrepit Sheng Nong Mountain to waste their time and sending someone too lowly ranked would be an insult. This project appeared important but was actually a terrible assignment.

The officials conferred secretly with Ciu Liang and Shi Ju that the Yellow Emperor was thinking of sending one of his grandsons. Those two freaked out – Sheng Nong Mountain had twenty eight peaks and to fix each and every palace on each peak, they wouldn’t be able to come home for eighty to a hundred years! If they fixed it all it would be fine, if they didn’t, the Middle Plains folks would constantly be sending complaints to the Yellow Emperor. Plus their grandfather was so ill, if anything happened to him, they would be thousands of miles away…..

Shi Ju got a great idea and they conferred with their dad, the idea would allow them to avoid this assignment and get Zhuan Xu out of Xuan Yuan Castle for good. Otherwise if he stayed, he might get back on the Yellow Emperor’s good side since only Zhuan Xu could live in Cao Yun Court with the Yellow Emperor and see him everyday, whereas they couldn’t even go unless they were summoned.

The officials pretended to confer in court and one suggested sending Zhuan Xu. The others all quickly supported the idea, and the Yellow Emperor agreed after thinking over it for a night.

Xiao Yao had never been to Sheng Nong Mountain and was curious since it was the residence for the Sheng Nong royal family for generations. She asked the Yellow Emperor to let her go play there.

Cang Lin and Yu Yang both objected since she was the Gao Xing Princess. They suggested sending her back to Gao Xing, but who knew the Yellow Emperor would fly into a rage “Xiao Yao is the granddaughter of me and my Empress. Xuan Yuan Kingdom was built by me and my Empress. As long as I am alive, she can live in Xuan Yuan for her entire life, play all over Xuan Yuan, do whatever she wants!” The Yellow Emperor roared this with his spiritual power projecting his voice and each and every word boomed out of the court so the everyone in the vicinity heard it.

Cang Ling and Yu Yang didn’t know why he flew into such a rage but they all got on their knees to beg forgiveness. In no time at all, the entire vast wilderness spread the news that the Yellow Emperor viewed Xiao Yao was someone very dear to him, as dear as if she was the granddaughter of his son and not of his daughter.

Xiao Yao knew the Yellow Emperor purposely said that for everyone to hear but didn’t know why. She felt the Yellow Emperor was worried about her going to the Middle Plains and worried that the Grand Emperor’s authority wasn’t enough to protect her so he had to throw his added authority on top. To let everyone know that she was the bloodline of the Yellow Emperor and Xi Ling Lie Zhu, so to harm her would be a grave insult to the Yellow Emperor and Lei Zhu.

But who could hurt her? Xiao Yao couldn’t figure it out. She never had any blood feud with anyone. She felt she was over thinking it and maybe the Yellow Emperor was just trying to find an excuse to put down Cang Lin and Yu Yang.

When the Spring flowers bloomed, Zhuan Xu set off for the Middle Plains with a dozen guards in tow. Xiao Yao brought along her maid Shan Hu and a dozen Gao Xing guards and accompanied him.

When the cloud carriage rose from Cao Yun Court, Xiao Yao couldn’t help but look back. Those large phoenix trees were blooming the red phoenix flower and it looked like a red dusk was enveloping the entire court.

Zhuan Xu never turned around and silently sat there.

The last time she departed from Cao Yun Court, the person beside Xiao Yao was her mom. She waved back at Zhuan Xu standing underneath the phoenix tree and thought she was going to be back soon to swing with Zhuan Xu gege. But neither the innocent Xiao Yao nor the grown up too fast Zhuan Xu realized that parting would be for three hundred years.

This departure, they both realized that it would be almost impossible to come back and swing under the phoenix tree together. And even if they did come back, who knows how many years will have passed.

Zhuan Xu saw Xiao Yao pressed against the window looking out and said “I will plant a red phoenix flower tree in Sheng Nong Mountain’s Zhi Jin Court and fasten a swing on it for you.”

Xiao Yao sat up and looked at him. Zhuan Xu gave everything up to go to the Middle Plains. He chose a path of no return. If he couldn’t plant the phoenix tree in Zhi Jin Court, then he likely would never be able to return to Cao Yun Court to see that phoenix tree. So he had to pay any price to plant a phoenix tree in Zhi Jin Court.

Xiao Yao smiled “Okay, I’m sure I’ll love the swinging in Zhi Jin Court.”

When Xiao Yao came back to Xuan Yuan, it was to see her mom’s grave and was unrelated to the Yellow Emperor and unrelated to the politics in court. In everyone’s eyes, she was just the Gao Xing Princess who happened to share blood ties with the Yellow Emperor. But this time, Xiao Yao choosing to go to the Middle Plains with Zhuan Xu, she was pretty much telling the world that she was standing on Zhuan Xu’s side. In everyone’s eyes, Xiao Yao became Zhuan Xu’s little cousin who happened to share blood ties with the Grand Emperor. Zhuan Xu’s each and every action would impact her, and might even cost her life.

Zhuan Xu looked at his hand and scoffed “Am I too selfish? I really ought to send you away like I did with Ah Nian.”

Xiao Yao held Zhuan Xu’s hand “Grandfather said something right, I am the blood of the Xuan Yuan Empress. Within the entire Cao Yun Court, there is only you and I left of that bloodline. Grandmother told us that we have to be there for each other. If you are fine now then I can ignore this, but the way you are now, even if I leave I won’t be able to stop worrying.”

Zhuan Xu said in pain “Supporting each other? All I see is you supporting me, I don’t support you.”

Xiao Yao shook Zhuan Xu’s hand “What’s the rush? We Gods live for a long time and you’ll be helping me one day. I am pretty clever, deciding to help you today so that in the future you can take care of everything for me!

Xiao Yao saw Zhuan Xu’s brows were still tightly knit so she leaned her head on his shoulder and said in a very low very sweet voice “Does things need to be so clearly delineated between us?”

Zhuan Xu was still too serious but his brow slowly unknotted and he softly called out “Xiao Yao” before tightly holding her hand back.

Xiao Yao didn’t know what awaited her and Zhuan Xu in the Middle Plains. That was a place that the Grand Emperor’s influence did not extend, and the Yellow Emperor’s authority was still limited. The most powerful clans and families of the vast wilderness were all based there, along with Sheng Nong Mountain that the Sheng Nong resistance army dreamed about reclaiming. There was the most beautiful vistas and the most bustling commence…..no matter what awaited them there, Xiao Yao knew they had to keep walking towards it.


Lost You Forever Chapter 17: Swimming Upstream Seeking You, The Road is Long and Hard — 160 Comments

  1. I’m also amazed how fast you have translated the first book. I’m also following other translation projects but they aren’t as fast as you. Please take it easy as we can wait so that you don’t burn out.

  2. Ahhh she found out! I love that it’s just silent acceptance and acknowledgement between XY and XL. There’s something comforting in their silent communication and understanding.

    Stalking your site…bad addiction.

  3. Thanks a bunch koala! You work is greatly appreciate by all of us! Keep up the awesome job! Fighting!!!! By the way do you know how many chapter this will all round up to be?

  4. Thank you!!! So she like XL?! Not just a buddy but with feelings?! & she’s conflicted? Wow! She’s really in the middle of it

  5. zhuan xu wow. he is really going all out to achieve his aim. such determination.

    and xiang liu is a dangerous man as usual.

    many thanks ms k (:

  6. First of all Koala, I apologise for being too greedy and keep asking for me. From now on, no demands for more chapters. I don’t want you to be burnt out, translating for us lot. We would rather have longer wait between chapters and have the full book translated.

    Moving on, I’m so pleased the Bei has finally been outed as Xiang Liu. Obviously his ruse had not really fooled Xiao Yao and his real identity was busted due to circumstances. But loved how Xiao Yao has this easy acceptance where Xiang Liu is concerned and he greatly appreciates that. I loved how Xiao Yao in her mind, talks about how she and Xiang Liu are so similar with both of them having this darkness and light hidden inside them. My Xiang Liu doesn’t like that Xiao Yao wouldn’t let him bite on her neck and leaves behind a kiss mark <3 He still wants her to admit she wants to see Xiang Liu and not Bei. I wish Xiao Yao had tried investigating Bei’s background sooner.

    Jing was absent in this chapter but not forgotten as Xiao always keeps him in her mind.

    Zhuan Xu is walking a precarious path now which really worries me. He scheme for being sent to the Middle Plains was rubbish and it hurt a lot of people. I did feel sorry for Ah Nian, as her delusions about her amazing brother, for whom she had more than sister like feeling, was disappointed. I did feel bad for her but Xiao Yao did not lose faith in him and saw straight through him. It is still not clear if Zhuan Xu has romantic feelings for Xiao Yao but he is not happy she plays with the debonair Bei.

    This marks the end of volume one and I’m super excited as to what will happen in the middle plains where the 4 leads will interact more closely. It seems Xiao Yao is slowly getting an inkling as to whom her mother really fancied but still wants to believe that the Grand Emperor is her father.

    I still don’t get what the book titles are referring too. If anyone has any idea, please let me know.

  7. Thank you Koala, for introducing with this beautiful book to me. Take your time Koala, I’ll wait patiently.

  8. Before I read, I just want to say thank you!!! Thank you for all your hard work translating this book. First part is complete, and there’s another book on my favorites list thanks to you.

    About going more slowly with the translations… I think if it’s best for you, you should take you time. Of course we readers would like to devour the book in a few days, but speaking for myself, I’m already thankful that you’re taking time to translate LYF… as long as we see the end of the 3 books (because I very much wish we could see it), you can take as long as you want! (Not that you need permission… just saying I understand, and hope you won’t be so tired from translating that you’ll give up on it).

    Now to read the last chapter of book one! YAY!

  9. ~waah! Why am I such a cry baby? Lol. When Xiao Yao was describing the relationship between her & Xiang Liu I could not help but tear up & it wasn’t even sad like that xD haha. I guess it is the shipper side of me -_- Indeed my favorite paragraph of this chapter, which describes them perfectly. They are like one soul who truly understands each other. & I love that Xiao Yao really enjoys her time with him and thinks of him as a great companion and had thoughts of an eternity with him, just the two of them doing what they do. Though I’m still trying to figure out how she really feels for him. Sometimes I feel like she does like him, but other times it just seems that she only sees him as a companion because they are so similar like she explained. Maybe I am too dumb and am over looking the small details… Either ways Xiao Yao having Xiang Liu in her thoughts is still better than her not thinking of him at all.

    Zhuan Shu oh Zhuan Shu! ~sigh to be King I guess you have to sacrifice some to gain some. I’m afraid he will lose Xiao Yao in the future because of his ambitions. :/

    & as always thank you Ms.Koala!! ^^ I know you must be exhausted from trying to translate asap & I feel guilty of wanting a new chapter each day 🙁 I promise to be more patient from now on! 🙂 Please rest and take care of yourself too!! ~

  10. Thank you so much for translating this. I’m always so happy when I see a new chapter… but please, take your time. You have your family and RL outside this blog… so although I would selfishly like to have everything translated like… “now” :–) … I will patiently wait and keep my fingers crossed that you never tire of this project.

  11. Each volume of LYF has an English title.

    1: Lost You Forever
    2: Love You Forever
    3: Miss You Forever

    Each title represents a male lead.

    Oh Xiang Liu 😥

      • No. There are 3 male leads, and I just realized that each English title refers to one. I can tell you right now that Miss You Forever corresponds to Xiang Liu. The other 2, you can guess right?

      • I think she meant each title represents one of the 3 leads, 3 titles, 3 leads. I wonder which lead is represented by the first title.

      • Lost you forever is zhuan
        I want to her love Xiang liu forever…. But then again love is not her 1st priority.
        Oh Xiang liu…

      • I can do it, but I need it translated. It’ll take me 20 min after I get the translations

      • Koala already translated the Xiang Liu’s scene. I just figured out which bubble corresponds to which. Thanks Koala!

        I think the title says something about “portrait” “man” “nine heads.”

        Panel 1:

        Left: People seek familiar things
        Right: that allow them to relax and feel the freedom and joy from childhood.

        Panel 2

        Bubble 1 on top: They say you are a Nine-headed demon, and with your nine-heads thinking together it’s definitely working.
        Bubble 2 (on the left): Even what you say is so deep.
        Bubble 3 (right): “Don’t you know that’s a taboo topic?”

        Panel 3

        Between the two drawings: I’m curious, how are your nine-heads arranged?
        Between number 1 and 2: In a row? One one top of the other?
        On top of Xiao Liu’s head: Or three on each side of three in the middle?
        At the very bottom: Which one goes first when you eat?

        Panel 4

        Left: I actually like eating people the best.
        Right: Your size is perfect so that each of my heads can take a bite.

    • An interesting tidbit I discovered.

      The title of the chapter, 溯洄从之,道阻且长 (sù huí cóng zhī , dào zǔ qiě zhǎng) is the continuation of Volume 1 Chapter 12’s poetry title 所谓伊人,在水一方. The title comes from ode #129 The Reeds and Rushes, one of the most popular pieces in Classic of Poetry (Shi Jing), which is also known as Book of Songs and said to be compiled by Confucius.

      Chapter 12 所谓伊人,在水一方 can be translated as:

      He whom I love
      Must be somewhere along this stream.

      Chapter 17 溯洄从之,道阻且长 can be translated as:

      I went up the river to look for him,
      But the way was difficult and long.

      Chapter 12’s title could refer to the fact that Xiao Yao is in Gao Xing, a land surrounded by water and far away from both Jing and Xiang Liu.

      Chapter 17’s title could refer to the fact that Zhuan Xu and Xiao Yao are leaving Gao Xing to the Middle Plains, which will be a hard journey for both: Zhuan Xu gathering support from the Middle Plains, Xiao Yao waiting for Jing and their vow.

      Chapter 12 and 17 titles together read:

      He whom I love
      Must be somewhere along this stream.
      I went up the river to look for him,
      But the way was difficult and long.

      Omg, Tong Hua, why are you so good?

      • Actually… most if not all, of the chapter titles come from potery lines and are really beautiful especially in their original mandarin form. 🙂

      • Hey Nekoi!
        Yeah, I know that, but since this chapter 17 I only commented about chapter 17. I actually wrote about all the poetry titles I can recognize for the English readers in a wikia for LYF.

        So far I found that in Book 1, six chapter titles (8,9,12,13,14,17) are from poetry; four of them are from the Classic of Poetry and describes a range of topics. The other two chapter titles, Book 1 Chapter 9 and Book 1 Chapter 14, came from the Song dynasty’s poems, and both deal with separation and longing.

        Nekoi, did you find more?

        I would be very grateful if you can point them out to me because I love poetry and writing about it!

      • @Maira well, that is some dedication to this novel! Thank you!
        Don’t forget about the title of the series itself: “长相思”, a long lovers’ yearning poem by Li Bai, that touches on 惜梅 (treasuring and missing a girl)and 美人 (beauty); 梅 can refer to a girl who is of marriageable age and 梅 (plum blossom) is one of the flowers representing an unusual character of classic “Dreams of the Red Mansion”– Miaoyu (红楼自有春风客,不解惜梅一片心). I can’t help but connect all these to Xiao Yao’s 梅记 on her head plus other plum blossom references within the story, and she is an unusual beautiful character herself.

      • Hi Nekoi, thanks for that explanation! I knew the poem from Li Bai, but didn’t know about the break down and how it relates to Dreams of the Red Mansion! Wow, so interesting.

        I just discovered something else. Tong Hua is so sneaky! She hinted at the Chinese title of Book 2 in Chapter 15.

        Chapter 15’s title is 思往事,易成伤. These are line 5 and 7 from the poem 訴衷情 (sù zhōng qíng) by Ouyang Xiu. And of course 歐陽修 is the title of Book 2: Telling of the Sorrowful Love!

        omg, If I had been following this novel live, I would have hyperventilated. I love it when authors leave little crumbs as hints for the readers.

        ** denotes title of Book 1 Chapter 15

        Whole poem:
        *易成傷。 *

        Rough translation of it by Betty Tseng:

        Raising of the curtains in the morning also light frost lifted away,
        I warmed my hands to try on her the plum make-up.
        Feeling surrounded in sorrows of parting,
        The brows I drew were long like mountain ranges.

        *Recollecting bygones* and bemoaning loss of time *predispose me to suffer pain.*
        Before she sang she’d prepare herself, when she smile her brows close remain,
        Most heart-rending is when I these retrace.

        So basically instead of this whole line “Recollecting bygones and bemoaning loss of time predispose me to suffer pain,” Tong Hua makes it into “Recollecting bygones predisposes me to suffer pain” for the Chapter 15 title, hinting at the Chinese title of Book 2 as the name of the poem!

      • Oops, correction: I mean 訴衷情 is the title of Book 2: Telling of the Sorrowful Love. 歐陽修 is the Chinese writing of Ouyang Xiu’s name.

      • oh gawd, this 思往事,易成伤 (literally think of the past, and get hurt), how many of us have actually gone through such experience? Ideally we should always march forward whilst learning from past (mistakes) so we can never hurt ourselves.

  12. Thanks for the chapter! This was the chapter where I was impressed with Zhuan Xu. He truly is flexible (能屈能伸) to achieve his goals.

    Another thing, Tong Hua really is coy in her exposition of XY/XL. It seems like every description of them has the literal straightforward meaning and another meaning hiding underneath. For example this sentence when XY confirmed that Bei is indeed XL “this heavy burden in the corner of her heart was lifted, though another burden has arisen”.

    • That is why I love this story so much. The characters and their interactions are so layered. The words are simple there is lot which is not said by word. The interactions between Xiang Liu and Xiao Yao are complex and I love how many layers they have. I love characters like Xiang Liu as their convoluted personality makes them interesting reads , trying to peel back layers and really know a person. You learn to accept them as real with both good and bad sides.

    • I thought that burden implied her worry for her cousin Zhuan Xu. She saw how his life has very little value such that he can’t even stop people from searching the bed he was sleeping in. Plus he is playing with drug addiction.
      But it could go either way.

      • I thought it referred Xiang Liu. Xiao Yao was confused about Bei’s identity and it was always at the back of her mind. But now that her suspicions are confirmed the mystery has been solved. However, this brings presents a new dilemma as it further complicates her dilemma as not only is now now the General of Sheng Nong aymy but also Fan Feng Bei, already enemy of Zhuan Xu.

        As I was writing this review I realised my ship is sinking already. In fact it has a upstream climb, up a waterfall.

      • You are probably right but I thought she already knew FBB and XL were already enemies of her family.

  13. So at the end of the first volume I have the impression that from the 3 men in Xiao Yao’s life only Xiang Liu tries to think of Xiao Yao’s wishes and of what is good for her – he hangs out with her (knowing how much she likes these little pleasures) and he teaches her archery, so she can better protect herself (and her loved ones), be more active… and have more self-confidence.
    Zhuan Xu gives everything to his ambitions (and I admit I don’t like him)… and sweet Jing to his dream of life with Xiao Yao (and binding Xiao Yao to him).

    Well, I’m not as eloquent as some contributers here and I’m not sure if I managed to explain myself… I just feel the most respect and equality from Xiang Liu.

    Though actually I’m in love with Xiao Yao :–)
    Whoever with she ends up, I just wish she will be happy.

    BTW, thanks for all the comments, it’s sometimes as exciting as reading the chapter self. :–)

    • I get what you are saying. Xiang Liu has a manner of treating Xiao Yao with respect as an individual. It may sound strange since on the surface he mistreats her and used to kick her off Furball etc. But he is knows she is independent and would rather swim across the river then being escorted down from Furball. It’s different kind of acceptance. Jing accepts and loves her as she is, with no reservation but Xiang Liu gives her space to skills. Like trying to encourage her to make even more dangerous poison and teaching her archery. Its the same kind of acceptance that Xiao Yao has for him. Like even if she call him Nine Lives and Nine Heads, Xiang Liu never looks down on him or says it in a manner to hurt him.

      Jing spoils Xiao Yao and lets her do what she like but after a while it may seem patronising. As he loves her but doesn’t understand what she really wants.

      A side question – Are you guys all from the states? I’m not so, sometimes I can’t respond to comments in a timely manner due to the time difference.

      • I like what you said, “XL gives her space for skills”. It’s so true. Probably what endears him to me the most. I like that he treats XY like just another individual, they can banter and the next they have this innate understanding. Underneath their honesty (which they don’t have to spill everything), there’s a much control by both parties to not step into the line. XL/Bei knows when to have fun, when to be rational <3

    • If Xiang Liu was only Bei, then I can see exactly your point. But I went back to re-read the first chapters….and Xiang Liu why did you whip Xiao Liu? and have the cute furry animal eaten by his pet? and keep using her ( & her strange blood) as a free clinic? =(

      Even though Jing is sneaky and crafty, he gives and gives to Xiao Yao: whether it’s a fish ruby/amethyst, or sending wine, or smelling like herbs, or shutting up when she tells him to, or helping Zhuan Xu or etc etc!

      Both Zhuan Xu and Xiang Liu kind of takes something Xiao Yao or wants something from her, but Jing is the one who is ‘just content because she is near.’

      Otherwise…..yea, Fang Feng Bei is actually perfect for the free-spirited and wanderlust Xiao Yao —-*pouts*

      • I get you Zill.

        Xiang Liu was a very bad boy/demon in his first introduction. Tong Hua was brutal with his introduction.

        I thought about it when I first read the chapter and came to the conclusion by looking at the situation from Xiang Liu’s POV. He sees a man luring a furry animal which can only be done by a woman but the said but refuses to tell the truth. This suspicious person makes dangerous poisons and tries to poison and kill his pet and furthermore is hanging around his secret army base. Of course he will be be brutal to any spy trying to infiltrate her base. He gave Furball the furry animal as payback for trying to poison his pert, Furball.
        Now, you are free to say that I’m looking too hard because I want to redeem him 🙂

      • I agree with the reasons Samina pointed out about their initial meeting. It sounds like reaching lol but definitely from XL’S POV she could have been an intruder or spy & plus Lao Mu already warned her of XL. XL may be Ffb but he doesn’t necessarily have to do all the things he did with her. I think it is something he wants to do and being Ffb gives him the chance to do so.

        Imo I think Jing gives her things because she wants them and asks for them and does as she says not neccessarily understanding why though. Jing may not use XY, but he uses the people around her & certain situations to his advantage to get closer to her, which is the only way anyways bc of who they are & him having a fiancee. He never dares to question XY and always does as she says so it really drives me nuts lol I just wanna shake him!
        I just keep wondering had he not been tortured and humiliated by his brother and everyone would he still choose to follow XY to the end of the earth, unconditionally giving and listening to her every want and need.

      • @gemini93

        It’s a difficult question to answer as we aren’t privy to Jing’s character or how he used to think. All we know that he was an extremely handsome and talented guy who was the favorite of both his mother and the clan leaders. And he was admired and loved by everyone that a girl trained to dance for 12 years so that he could glance at her. He loved his half-brother like a real one even though everyone treated him poorly.

        It’s hard to think of him before he was broken down and tortured as it changed him drastically in some ways but he remains the same in other ways. His love for his brother has remained unchanged inspite of the torture. He hasn’t played the zither in 10 years and he isn’t as talkative as he used to. He prefers to do stuff himself like wash his hair rather than have the maids do it. He still loves his grandmother and wants the best for his clan but he is willing to walk away from leadership and live a simple life with Xiao Yao. His experiences have taught him to see the big picture; money, fame, power and influence are very fleeting and doesn’t make you happy. It’s better to live a simple life with your dream girl in some mountain village somewhere than deal with politics, backstabbing, infighting, etc. And this is exactly what Xiao Yao wants.

      • @Shiku indeed you make very good points! Life events has made them the way they are not just Jing & Xiao Yao, but Zhuan Xu & Xiang Liu too. Maybe in another parallel universe if Jing was never tortured and left to die then they would have never met. Or with all the politics then Zhuan Xu and Xiao Yao would still be together and never separated. She wouldn’t fear being lonely and being abandoned. She’d be more happy and care free than she is now. Xiang Liu too, wouldn’t be tied to Shen Nong and if he wasn’t a slave he wouldn’t be the cold hearted demon he is. There are so many possibilities, but the way they are and their past has shaped them into very intriguing characters. Ultimately all they want is happiness & I hope they’ll recieve it.

      • Let’s try to see things from other character’s perspective as well. XY for all XL knew was a poison master who was lying about his identity. She could’ve been a spy! The fact that XL went against his own instincts not to kill her bc she told the truth about really just wanting to be Xian Liu alrdy said enough. Also, Furball killing the little jiu jiu, so in nature, animals shouldn’t eat other animals who are deemed cute? Sounds so ridiculous! Also, XY’s relationship with XL is just like what Koala mentioned earlier, each can take what the other gives. XY is not exactly innocent which makes her character so interesting. She wants to poison him & prays that he dies LOL but she still gets excited to see him. Also, regarding your “free clinic” it’s obvious by the way Tong Hua describes it that XL also likes XY & that’s why the marks alwys resembles a kiss mark. And did you forget that when Zhuan Xu had the bug in him he could feel XY getting turned on by XL’s bites? “There was a sensation of numbness, a shivering of bliss, as if someone was sucking, licking, & lightly kissing”. Does it sound like XY minds?? Also in chp 5, XY was even offering her blood when she saw XL was hurt. Saying that Zhuan & XL just wants to use XY is so distasteful. Does Zhuan want power so that he can abuse it or bc he wants to protect XY? And XL diligently teaching XY archery. Is that not to protect XY??

      • Does that mean my ship sinks?
        Hold on, don’t tell me. I think I already know now.
        My ship is sinking and I don’t want to keep reading. :*sobs*

      • As long as she thinks the same of him… I’m happy even if she lives happily ever after with someone else:)

      • Samina, if you want, the epilogue is already translated elsewhere. If you read it alone, it doesn’t totally give away the ending, though you can probably guess from the tone of the epilogue. Search for Eternally Yearning For You – ShuShengBar. But beware, because there are definitely all kinds of spoilers on that page! I was on chapter 11 of Book 3 and was getting extremely anxious for my Xiang Liu so I read the spoilers. I can tell you that even though the epilogue was beautiful… I should have waited.

      • Actually, the hic I have is because Xiang Liu wouldn’t even tell Xiao Yao he loves her (I think we can all agree after chapter 13 that he would never tell her) and all the little and big things he did for her.

        Xiang Liu shippers, do not lose hope! This was not a spoiler lol.


        IF Xiao Yao didn’t end up with Xiang Liu, I think she will forever remember him and miss him. Of course, that is just my wish because I think that only a life time of rememberance is worthy of him and all the things he did secretly for her. Given Xiang Liu’s personality and his tendency to hide his feelings for her and coat them underneath a cold exterior, I am sure he would have wished for her to forget him.

        I think we can all safely say Xiang Liu is a version of the noble idiot, except it’s not idiotic because we all know that Xiang Liu-Xiao Yao would be a lost cause like Qi Yo x A Heng if they had chosen each other.

    • What XL is doing always brings me back to this musing by XY (as Xiao Liu) when she was trying to not go back to Gao Xing “Right now Xan Tian Er is able to save herself because I helped her. But who will help me?”

      • Nooo, why did you remind me of this quote!! Lol. Now I feel sad even though we’re only finishing book 1 and nothing is set in stone yet but just all our assumptions. 🙁

    • I also love to read all the comments here. Thanks again koala for introducing this world of gods, demons and human to us!
      Now..all 3 men in XY’s life are amazing. All so different and strong in their own way. Out of the 3, just like you..I respect Xiang Liu the most..I adore and love Jing the most and I dislike ZX and simply can’t manage to like him lol.
      My ship will sail for xiang liu if there’s no Jing..but Tong Hua created Jing, a broken wounded person inside out, flawed and crippled..yet XY loves her so much. So I cannot not ship them. It’s just lovely to see both their interactions. I cannot wait to see Jing’s character development..to be more vocal and true to himself. Now if xiao yao doesn’t end up with him because she falls in love with another man and broke their 15years promise (even with Yi yang engagement)..I will be disappointed in her. Because up until now..she is one of the most incredible leading lady I like..

    • That’s not true. Jing also think of her wishes. Jing is helping Zhuan Xu because it’s Xiao Yao’s wish. At the village, he was basically her shadow, trying to make life more comfortable for her. When he was hot, he brought her ice. When she was captured by XL and Zhuan Xu, who tracked her down, saved her and nursed her back to health multiple times. When she didn’t want to go back to the Grand Emperor in Gao Xing, Jing left everything behind to help her escape. When they were traced at an inn in Gao Xing, Jing gave her his winged creature and pretended to be her so that she could get away while he was fighting the soldiers. Whether its medicine for the Sheng Nong army or giving Zhuan Xu an ice crystal, he willingly gives the stuff away because its Xiao Yao’s wishes. He searched high and low for the fish amethyst crystal that she wanted so she can breath underwater when she goes to visit Xiang Liu. He even tested it himself to see how safe it was. This disproves your notion that Jing is only interested in binding XIao Yao to him and dreaming of a life together. Totally not true.

      Zhuan Xu hasn’t done a lot for Xiao Yao (and he is shamelessly using her) but his main aim for getting the throne is to protect Xiao Yao (it was shown in the once promised passage Koala translated). The only other thing I remember him doing for her is to spending the night making the swing for her underneath the Mulberry tree.

      Yes FBB has taught her crucial skills like shooting arrows, but as Xiang Liu he didn’t take her wishes into consideration. He fed the furry creature she was trying to catch for her friend’s wedding to his pet right in front of her. He whipped her mercilessly until she agreed to make poisons for her. He pushed her down a very high tree even though she had zero powers. She had broken bones and legs, she couldn’t even walk! Jing had to come look for her and nurse her back to health. He used to come at all hours for her blood even though it wasn’t convenient for her. In Gao Xing, when she wanted to see Jing, he colluded with An Nian and took her into the middle of the ocean. He pushed her deep into the ocean where she almost drowned to death just because she refused to kiss him for air. Then he left her, the girl who almost drowned earlier that night, and made her swim to shore by herslf. She didn’t even have energy to reach the shore or even lift her hand or shout for help, she was that exhausted! Jing happened to see her and dove down and brought her to shore and warmed her up. As FBB you have a point about taking him taking her wishes into consideration but you have to remember he almost shot her gege with an arrow and robbed her grandfather’s palace.

      • Wow! A very detailed observation! Now you remind me of why I adore Jing and xiao yao together!

      • Shiku, I know how you feel, but I feel like there is a specific reason why Xiang Liu does that…and it’s not because he is not as considered as Jing. Don’t get me wrong! I’m also a Jing shipper. I love Jing tender loving much more compare to Xiang Liu tough loving if you get what I mean haha. I feel like Xiang Liu does those mean things to her because partly he doesn’t want her to love him. Even though he can’t help falling for her, he also has his priority and he know he won’t be able to give her what she want. Therefore, in the end, he has to resort to this kind of tough/mean manner with her to keep her astray while at the same time he can’t help being nice to her.

      • You’re pointing the good of Jing but also forgetting the good times they had too, while he was XL. Their sweet moments are indeed too short bc XL goes from hot to cold in an instant. But the first time XL took her fish seeing (? Lol) he passed her air and had a heart to heart talk with her. Although during the second meeting it was a bit more harsh, but she had just told him he wasn’t suitable for any girl to fall in love with. In his defense he was doing it for her own good. >.< Plus it wasn't like he was unwilling to give her air, she refused it bc she was no longer XL. Albeit being his idea she really enjoyed making poisons for him bc it allowed her to develop her ability. He takes and requests for her during odd times, but I wouldn't doubt she enjoys his company either. Oh, also when Zhuan Shu was still Xuan & was coming after her he helped protect her too (I think Jing was also involved too in hiding her there) There are more probably, but my memory is failing me now. Lol & Like XY said they are the way they are because of their experiences (cold and strong, etc.) and XL by default is a demon so it is just him being him.

        I'm really enjoying the conversations right now bc everyone's POV reminds me of all the little details I forgot or over looked. 🙂

      • @gemini I actually forgot about that, lol, the first time I was warming up to him. Then he had to spoil it and do the ridiculous and dangerous thing he did. Maybe I’m too harsh but drowning is such a trigger for me and he didn’t need to do that.

      • agree with jjayee. Xiang Ling probably knows with their respective affiliations they can never be together happily so he purposely does stuff that appear mean and calculative so xiao yao wont see that he actually likes her.But on and off his feelings for her come through during unguarded moments which he then masks quickly before she can catch on. Poor xiang liu…cries..He has the worst deal I feel cos he cant be upfront with her, unlike Jing who can come on strong:))
        atm I do NOT liking ZX. and anyway Xiao Yao doesnt even have a hint of romantic leanings towards him.

      • @jjayee and gemini93

        I agree with both of you. Koala mentioned this before but Xiang Liu is like the demon version of Liu Fu Ling from Yun Zhong Ge. He pushes her away on purpose so that she doesn’t get hurt or get into a dilemma.

        Since the moon walk on the sea and their various heart-to-heart talks, I feel that Xiang Liu has already fallen in love with Xiao Yao. Plus, the love bus can only be planted into willing males who probably have to have feelings for her. Xiao Yao didn’t have to mention it, Xiang Liu knows he is not a suitable lover because he knows that one day he will have to go down with the Sheng Nong soldiers on the battle field.

        Like Xiao Yao said in chapter 16, his fate was shaped and his ending set in stone the moment Gong Gong saved him and he pledged his service to Gong Gong. Xiang Liu is loyal and even before Xiao Yao was born, the Sheng Nong soldiers were his top priority. Time has cruelly abandoned the rebel army (I think we can safely say there is no way the rebel army can prevail over Xuan Yuan) so the only way is death. As the general of these soldiers, Xiang Liu will definitely also choose death with them, even if he can save himself.

        As he knew of his eventual demise and the fact that he is the enemy of Xiao Yao’s loved ones, he chooses not to tell her that he loves her. Xiao Yao had to rub it in his face in chapter 13; I don’t blame him got mad.

        This is what got to me so much about Xiang Liu. He is her soulmate, but their ship didn’t even sail! What comforts me is I know Xiao Yao cares for him even if the feeling is not necessarily romantic love. Xiang Liu would no doubt die for her (well, he does have nine lives), and Xiao Yao would definitely remember and miss him forever.

        The introduction to volume 1 of LYF can be applied to a lot of characters, but I find it to particularly be so Xiang Liu:

        “Life is the encounter and separation, is the starting time and oblivion, but there are always things that once happened, will leave traces, and always have a person, once appeared, will not be forgettable.” Yep, unforgettable.

      • I totally agree with you!

        @jjayee and @hopelessromantic,

        I agree that XL has his own priorities, which is the Shen Nong rebel army, and so I can understand why he treats XY the way he does – cruel and cold. But ultimately this is still because of his v own decision of choosing Shen nong over XY, he has a choice and he made it – I’m not discounting XL’s love for XY but we should also look at Jing’s situation in context, I feel? Like Jing himself is not exactly free to pursue XY, what with his being Tu Shan Jing and him having a fiance – but he still chose XY and prioritizes her, which is why he can be so carefrew and giving i. His way of loving? I guess what I’m just trying to say is that Jing is also put between a rock and a hard place (his family and grandma vs XY) but he chooses XY and always try to make things work I guess. XL could theoretically have chosen XY but he didn’t – that doesn’t discount his love for her but I think we should also beat in mind that this is his choice? So jing’s deal isn’t necessarily better than xl’s?

        That being said, I really like xl when he is sweet 🙁 its a pity there’s so little of that and i actly rly like the FFB side of him cause he’s so nice to XY

    • It is quite clear that in this novel, Xiang Liu and Xiao Yao are meant for each other.

      Outside of this novel, I ship Zhuan Xu, not sure if it makes sense 🙂

      Even though I know Zhuan Xu and Xiao Yao will not be together, allow me to write more on Zhuan Xu:

      Destined for great things
      Above the petty affairs of romantic entanglements
      Pure but pretending to be corrupted
      Cynical and political
      Shallow on the surface but deep and true
      In the core of him, he is like a lost little boy the day his mother died, a part of him died too
      He is destined to a lofty position but forced to degrade himself. Even while he degrades himself and pretends to be a wastrel, his intelligence, capability and skills are beyond those who fear him and oppress him
      If you let him trust you and see his deepest core, you will realize how tender and loving he is
      He is extraordinary. The worst things has happened to him and he doesn’t give up on himself or his future

      Ok, words over. Now I can go back to re look at Xiang Liu and Xiao Yao, I am ok with Xiang Liu too.

      • it does make sense, all three male leads have beautiful character qualities in them but in light of romanticism jing is the best next is xiang liu.
        zhuan xu has the parental love for xiaoyao, he wants to protect her and the only way he can protect her is to get power.

      • @Canto
        Interesting list of reasons to ship Zhuan Xu and I agree with all of them. But the problem is that his quest for the throne reminds me of Liu Bing Yi from Yun Zhong Ge and how the choices others make to protect you force your destiny. Zhuan Xu’s mother’s suicide cemented his future choices and so did LBY’s family choices. The problem arises in the lengths LBY was willing to take to gain the throne and if Zhuan Xu’s future choices mirror LBY’s then the future looks tragic indeed.
        And the seeds for this kind of development are there already. Zhuan Xu made the argument for Xiao Yao to keep Jing on the hook for his future plans. He uses her; albeit she knows about it and willingly engages in the power struggle. So that ambition which might have been rooted in the need to protect those he loves might become the cause for why he loses the people he loves in the future.
        Regardless though, theirs is a lovely relationship. Oftentimes female heroines disengage from political power struggles. Here Xiao Yao only regrets that she can’t help more – it’s refreshing. Have to say that it also makes me respect her more that she knows his ambition and responds to it more clear-headedly than Ah Nian’s hurt and disillusionment.

        ockoala – Love your translations! Thank you so much for your hard work and my new addiction.

    • Jing’s love for Xiao Yao —–> I will take care of you forever.

      Xiang Liu’s love for Xiao Yao —–> I will make it so you can take care of yourself forever.

      Zhuan Xu’s love for Xiao Yao ——> I will make it so you won’t have anything to take care of because the entire world is a safe haven for you.

      • Fitting description 🙂
        I’m an independent girl so it’s no wonder whom I lean into.

      • I know it’s quite silly of me to disagree since you’ve read it all, and I’m only reading your translations: but

        I thought Zhuan Xu was more “I’ll take care of you forever [just wait until I’m strong/powerful enough]” and Jing was more selfish in the sense of “Please take care of me (give me a hope & heal my broken spirit)”

        But in the light of Xiang Liu’s love – that has the best meaning and intention…. It sadly disregards what Xiao Yao actually wants though: companionship, not self-sufficiency.

      • I wonder Xiang Liu’s way of loving Xiao Yao would have been different had he not been the general of the Sheng Nong soldiers? Their rapport and complete understanding of each other would have make him the perfect life partner for Xiao Yao had he not have other responsibilities. Like their moon walk on the sea, just being silent and walking with each other hand in hand. Like how he led her to explore the nook and cranny of the city, enjoying the little things together. I think their love is a big fat ‘what if’ because I seriously think that Xiang Liu is the one she would choose if only he hadn’t pledged his loyalty to Gong Gong.

      • if u say so capt. i believe. 🙂
        most of my comments are limited to the chapters that u have translated.
        i dont know the overall picture so for now that’s how i view
        zhuan xu’s love for xiao yao.
        but i will never ever change ship
        il be forever jing no matter what happens.
        il go down with him to the depths of eternity.
        jing jing jing! LOL 🙂 🙂 🙂

  14. I cant believe that we are now going to the next volume. It seems just a while ago when I first got enchanted to this amazing world. That was just about the last week of February. I can even remember it without looking to check, so I might even be mistaken. Thanks a lot for translating this novel for us. It will be a little hard to wait for a longer time now since you spoiled us with your fast releases. But we’ll cope up. Take care of yourself Ms. Koala. ^^

  15. What an entertaining chapter. I enjoyed the Zhuan focus of it all and was really hoping it was all an act. They are so close. She finally knows BB is XL. Yay! Was he trying to still the maps? I want to know his history too.

    Thank you!

  16. thank you thank you thank you so much for your hard work Koala.
    take your time before continue to translate the second book.
    we’ll be waiting patiently 🙂

  17. I now realized that all the 3 main males find Xiao Yao comfortable and safe to be with. She is their confidant. They all want to save and take care of her at the same time. Soooo sweet. At the same time, Xiao Yao is week in power, but so helpful and useful. I just love her problem solving skills full of confident.

    Thanks Koala. YOu are the best!

  18. Before I start reading, I just want to tell you how badly I’m addicted to this story, and am so eternally grateful for your hard work. It seriously means a lot that you would take the time to translate so much so fast! I also love reading all the discussion happening because of Lost You Forever, and it’s all thanks to you 🙂 Keep up the good work because you are AMAZING!

  19. Thanks again!
    My thoughts….1. She understood her mother. As in, she understand that her mother was in love with another man & that man was the enemy?
    2. Chest cover. A bra?… So she was wearing a night gown w/ no underwear & sleeping with XL? How scandalous!!!
    3. ” she relaxed her worried heart”…. Hehehe…

  20. captain! im sorry to exhaust you, please take it slow, i know you have other life to attend too, family , kids, friends and work. i personally can wait even if it takes one or two years for this translation project to finish just please please don’t abandon it if mr. ennui arrives. i’ll read this book chapter by chapter like xiao yao’s nine bottles of plum wine. 🙂 i shall relish every word every comment to my hearts content.
    THANK YOU and no worries, just likd jing i am good at waiting.
    hopefully other LYF lovers too !

  21. Thanksomuch!

    Please take your time coz although we’re dying to hear from you, its not worth burning out so early in this marathon…

    really love also that your fans all seem so respectful & nice!

    Cant wait for this to be made into a show!!!

  22. This chapter was good! I’m excited! And seriously, I think I’ve decided I’m gonn ship her with Xiang Liu!!!!

  23. Thank you very much Ms Koala for your hard work:)Sorry to hear that you’re exhausted to do the translation.We all shouldn’t pressure you.Please take your sweet time:)I understand you have family with kids,career and life too..I know how you feel.I really really admired your ability to do all these task!! any special secret care to share?(just joking) I’m a stay home mom but I hardy have enough time to update my cooking blogs:read here*lazy* lol!
    I wonder how old are the gods or goddnes to became age? I remember XY told Yellow Emperor that she was a man before she became age.I understand she stay in Jade mountain for 70 plus years.And she gone missing for 300 years all together.What was her age before she went to Jade mountain? If 70 years for human it’s already became grandmother but for god,it’s still teenager(in modern world)???hmmm… I love how Tong Hua wrote XY personality and character..not naive,free spirit,smart and honest.When I read about XY’s chest cover,my first thought is a table cover.lol!!I remember in her room have a chest where she keep all her poisons.But XY’s cousin Cui Liang keep looking at her chest without the cover,then “dang”!!oh!! now I know she not wearing her bra!! wow!! it’s said she put on a robe when she went to open the door for her maids.That’s mean she didn’t wear anything?? (I’m a pervert!!)and she sleep with Xiang Lui without wearing anything,just blanket? (naughty imagination) but I like it!!

  24. I tried to be neutral and I have failed.

    XL all the way. And now that I know the last books title corresponds to him I’m afraid. Sounds so sad, ‘missing you forever’!

    Say it ain’t so.

    For some reason I feel like Koala’s favorite is also XL but I might be completely wrong. Or maybe I read it somewhere.

    Regardless, I appreciate your work and admire for the consistency thus far. But I do not hold it against you for slowing down. Please take your time. As a reader, I am happy to receive at your pace because I want to know you enjoy translating as much as we enjoy reading.

    I really wish we could show our appreciation in another format besides commenting. But sincerely, thanks for being such a dedicated blogger. I shall try to be a dedicated participant and not just a reader.

    Thanks koala.

    Im ashamed to admit that I’ve been a fan for over four years at least ( I think) and it took me until this project for me to voice my thanks.

    • Yay, fellow Xiang Liu shipper! I also feel like Koala ships Xiang Liu, have been feeling that way since chapter 2 or 3.

      A lot of LYF’s beauty is in the journey and the words, so I feel that even if the ending is not the one we want for Xiang Liu because we love him so much, it will still be absolutely worth it.

  25. First of all thanks to ms. Koala for translating this beautiful novel to us. Because i am so invested in this novel (Xiang Liu to be exact),i just cant wait and went to search more info on LYF. Yes, i found the spoilers..oh my,for a moment i regret that i searched it. T_T This novel really changed my view on soulmates. I used to think soulmates are destined to be together forever. My heart goes to the most selfless person out of the 3 leads. What an amazing guy and he stay true to himself till the end. *cries*

    • OK I hope this isnt considered a spoiler but I agree. He’s the most selfless person of the 3. Almost feel so bu zhi de for him for all the things he did that she never knew about. cries….

    • hey, u keep me on edge there, is that an english website, i will not regret.
      aaahhh what is this secret? sooo unfair! huhuhu

      • oops that’s just my fan heart. im willing more than willing to wait for capt’s translation. it’s a nice feeling of expectation and waiting. i feel excited. checking internet everyday because of this. bad bad addiction. no cure at all. loveeett!

  26. *Cries*

    I can’t deal with this!!! I’m going to die of stress as I read this book. I’ve tried real hard to be objective but Xiang Liu is THE MAN for me. I can’t see Xiao Yao with anyone else! As sweet as Jing is to her, I just feel like XL and XY are freaking meant to be! GAHHHHHH!! On a individual to individual basis and on a man to woman basis they just make sense. It’s total harmony – he’s the male to her female and vice-versa. Their every interaction, the spoken conversations and even more so the unspoken words, only solidify this amazing synergy they share.

    Yet, with the foreshadowing in each chapter coupled with Captain K and everyone’s super insightful + awesome sauce comments, it’s pretty pretty obvious that my ship is going to sink! My heart is already clenching at the thought of XL’s hurt! *weeps*

    I’m so scared to read on you guys!!! Xiang Liu shipper buddies HUG MEEEEE!! AAAAAH Xiang Liuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu 🙁

    Damn it Tong Hua! Tormenting me first with Liu Fu Ling now with Xiang Liu…out of all the Tong Hua novels that I had the pleasure of reading thanks to our amazing captain K, only my HQB from DMY had a happy ending!

    Also, Captain K as always you are the bomb! BUT please relax and take your time!!! We want you happy and rested more than anything else – Thank you so much for spoiling us!! <3

    • your not alone , i think none of the three male leads can have xiao yao that’s why the three titles are apt to describe its outcome.
      the last book they say is titled “Miss u forever”
      my guess is, xiao yao will become the Royal mother, an equivalent to
      mother superior in a convent or she will die protecting zhuan xu or xiao yao.

      • Hey Neyan!

        Captain K did mention that there is a happy ending of sorts…only it feels bittersweet with all the crying coming our way. That alone tells me our Xiao Yao is going to end up with a certain male. So I’m not too worried about her becoming the royal mother. Although, now that you mention it, knowing Tong Hua LOL there is a chance this may be a possible plot point to wring some more tears from us.

        Right now I’m just freaking terrified of what will happen to my darling Xiang Liu. As the story progresses things aren’t looking too good for my boo 🙁

        The deeper we get into this world the more I feel like this wall building between XL & XY. It’s like they are going to stay star crossed soul mates – if that even makes any sense. The depth of their connection is increasing exponentially at every meeting/interaction but simultaneously I keep feeling that due to external factors/circumstances and their decisions in conjunction to these factors their future together is deviating farther apart. So far it looks like Xiang Liu won’t admit to the magic between them and Xiao Yao and won’t dig/push him to do it so. I was hoping there would be a positive change but it’s not looking too good the stupid wall between them only seems to get larger every chapter.

        I’m scared ya’ll!! SUPER SCARED!! *weeps*

      • Actually I wouldnt mind really if xiao yao ended up alone at the end of the story.Then I wouldnt feel so bad for the other two (or one–since if ZX wasnt picked I really wouldnt mind cos dont think xiao yao thinks of him that way)..

    • Here, a big HUGGG!

      All I can say is don’t lose hope, Xiang Liu shippers! LOL, we’re only 1/3 of the way and even though there are a bunch of foreshadowings, don’t be afraid of being heartbroken! I feel that no matter what the ending is, the feelings you get are part of the journey, the experience; so don’t deliberately change them to protect your heart!

  27. Thank you so much Koala for sacrificing your time to translate and share this story with the rest of the English speaking world. I have to admit that I’ve been spoiled by you posting LYF every 1.5 days and we got it earlier than usual today! I was surprised to see it up close to lunch time. Too bad I couldn’t finish it all at once while at work. I can’t read that fast because I want to read everything carefully. But I don’t mind if you take your time translating either. However you set your pace will be how your readers set their paces in reading your translation. 🙂

    But I think this chapter really increased my respect for Xiang Liu. I loved how he would ask her who she wants him to be and then when she responded she doesn’t care, he chose to reveal himself and when she denied him her neck, he just withdrew and didn’t force it until she offered her wrist. You can tell how important he is to Xiao Yao as well because she is also willing to risk death (from him sucking her blood dry) so that he can escape. Now that XL and FFB merged to one for XY, I wonder how it’ll be for them going forward.

    As for Zhuan Xu, I don’t have much to say about him since it’s clear that ZX and XY care for each other and understand each other, however it’s hard to see XY consider him as a possible husband since I kinda see the Yellow Emperor (in ambition) who himself claims is not suited to be a husband. XY wouldn’t want to be tied down in politics. I’m still confused why the Yellow Emperor loves XY so much since didn’t he want to kill XY’s mom for killing the 9th brother? Is it because she’s really his only granddaughter and it’s easier to love granddaughters than grandsons since she doesn’t have to fight for the throne. But I guess it could be the fact that everyone he once cared for all died because of him and leaving him behind and alone, he’s probably fells the remorse and wish that XY will have a happy life. Hmm.. Does Chi You have a lot of enemies? Is that why the Yellow Emperor is scared for her life? I understand that her life was in more danger while her parents were alive, but it has been so long.. Plus Chi You was a Sheng Nong general and she’ll be in the Middle Plains.

    I still like Jing in his innocent kind of way. It’s strange because being a businessman, it’s not like he’s never been around girls before, but he really doesn’t know anything about girls! Lol! XY is like most girls who want to be loved and thought of and she gets jealous because she thinks that he’s forgotten about her. I honestly love her little tantrums when it comes to him. So adorable.

    I’m still afraid to ship, however if I think about it I probably want her to be with Jing (because it’s easier for him to remove himself from his burden then the other two) and live just like before, quiet and peacefully, but secretly I want her with Xiang Liu because he’s just so much more fun and fascinating and XY will never be bored. Lol. Totally random, but I love XY’s reaction when she secretly exclaims how can she still be afraid of him! And then I loved how after he was done sucking her blood he called out to her softly and made sure to get her medicine to help her recover faster. Sorry, little moments like that melts my heart.

    • having to go for two ships is better than one.
      you’ll get the best of two. 🙂

      if i compare it to sex on xiao yao’s relationship with three leads i say..

      jing ~ missionary style on a romantic setting. slow and lots of loving.

      xiang liu~ like anastasia and christian ( five shades of grey) sex, lots of foreplay .

      zhuan xu~ incest

  28. Lol… you guys’ comments are as entertaining as the story and translation. Thank Koala! Please breathe and rest!

    Btw, regarding the 3 English titles… they’re so sad! I think “Love You Forever’ really applies to all 3 males, but if you’ve finished the series, you’ll know why it specifically applies to Jing. >.< omg, my tears are dying to flow thinking of it. I seriously need to talk to someone who is done with the books!

    Also, I STRONGLY DISCOURAGE spoiling yourself with the epilogue if you have not finish the series. It won't make any sense to you, and the meaning will not strike you as hard as it was intended to be. So, wait till you've finish at least half of book 3, hehehe.

    • aaahhh so envious of u people who ca. read chinese character!
      May the gods of LYF grant me the power to read chinese language
      i will be forever their servant, maybe like haitang. 🙂

    • True, don’t read spoilers haha (I did) and it’s kinda hard not to say certain things. I cried. And when Ms Koala finish this book, I will again. It’s the best ending in this story, for her, everyone made their own decision. It’s not just black and white, right and wrong. Although the novel is about XY, I like that the others are very much their own person. And our Xiang Liu…I love him and knowing, I can’t help but respect him more.

      The comments here are interesting and fun. We all have this sort of list for the characters, what they did, good or bad. It will be interesting to read how the stories will unfold and how everyone will react to it.

      Btw, everytime XL/Bei ask her “who do you want me to be?”, it just gets to me *sobs*

      • Yes, mad respect for Xiang Liu.
        Though I wish he didn’t keep quiet throughout. Hope I didn’t spoil anything.
        I secretly think Tong Hua just have to put that epilogue because she couldn’t let go of Xiang Liu herself, hehe.

        你希望我是谁 (who do you want me to be), ARGH!

      • @nekoi Haha, be careful as not to spoil anything :p

        As a fan of his character, lol, it’s quite frustrating, but looking at another perspective, being silent requires that much strength and possibly the reason I love him more.
        Idk about Tong Hua, but I kinda feel we get to know XL through his exterior first, his manners and actions, and then layer by layer is added/peeled of until we now his inner thoughts emotions. And what I love, he stays true to his character.

      • I love “Who do you want me to be” 你希望我是谁 because that really shines light on Xiao Yao and both Xiang Liu and Jing. Xiao Yao gave Jing the identity of Ye Shi Qi, and that is how Jing had a chance with Xiao Yao, because she would have never fallen for Tu Shan Jing. But Xiang Liu, he asks her multiple times who she wants him to be, and each time she refuses to answer. She wants him to be Xiang Liu but can’t say it out loud, because what does Xiang Liu mean to her? Nothing more or less complicated than Fang Feng Bei, hence one burden lifting and another falling into place. This drama really plays with identities a lot and is fascinating that way.

    • Don’t tell me something terrible happens to Jing, I don’t think I can take it. Just when I thought my ship was sailing but it seems it will sink in the worst way possible. He is going to die isn’t he? He will give everything to protect Xiao Yao just like Meng Jue and Jiu Ye did before, won’t he? This is horrible! And he will do it willingly with no thought of self. I should have saw this coming as it has been heavily implied by a number of people that only 2 guys remain at the end and I naively thought it would be Jing and Xiang Liu with Zhuan Xu out of the picture. Zhuan Xu can’t die as he has to establish his kingdom, Xiang Liu is still there at the end and Jing isn’t mentioned at all. Geez Tong Hua has done this again to me. She makes a character I absolutely like and adore and he ends up suffering in the worst way possible.

      • Don’t worry Shiku. I have not read until the end yet but according to my predictions, Jing will be one of the happier people in the end. Even though he might suffer some along the way, Jing will not suffer the worst way possible. He is the Love You Forever after all.

        With all the foreshadowing, it’s actually the other shippers who have to worry.

      • It’s not that easy for gods to die, especially when one is surrounded by capable and loved ones. Keke.

  29. Thanks koala for your commitment. It has been a great pleasure going on sail with u. We see your hard work and deeply appreciate it . It has help us to come down to this earth and not be demanding . I hope u will contine translation for ur recap is rich in content . I especially enjoy DMY . Though it break my heart when I see the tittle miss u forever knowing it stand for XL and XY . Without XL I wont have start reading for his character touches my heart deep . So this might be goodbye to heal my broken heart

    • Esther, if you worry that you will get heartbroken, I don’t think you should stop now. Nothing bad is going to happen to Xiang Liu at this time. Remember he has nine lives! There will be more tender scenes between Xiang Liu and Xiao Yao so why don’t you stay with me? There’s still hope! The Miss You Forever doesn’t have to be bad thing; it’s actually a really sincere and romantic.

  30. Also, I would like to add on specially for those who cannot for the hell understand Xiang Liu’s mean and violent actions at the beginning of book 1.

    – he fed the furry creature to his pet-ride, Furball, because it’s the law of nature’s food cycle. Furball was most likely hungry. The furry creature is food to a condor. We should not feel it’s evilness on Xiang Liu’s part.

    – he whipped Xiao Liu (kinky!), dropped ‘him’ into the sea, sucked on ‘his’ blood, then tricked her into falling into the sea, dying to kiss her by leaving her no other choice under the sea, and ditching her at the sea. By then, have you not noticed there wasn’t a chance Xiao Yao would have died? Sure she got injured along the way, but there was nothing deadly, in fact, compare this to the torture she suffered from the nine-tail fox years ago. And someone clever here mentioned how would Xiang Liu know the identity of Xiao Liu initially when he entered the grounds of the forest guarded by the Xuan Yuan troops? He deemed ‘him’ as an intruder, and he is most suspicious since ‘he’ lured the furry creature with ‘his’ singing. Of coz there has to be some form of punishment for he is the great general demon.

    Ok, distracted by work now. Will post when my mind is clear. 🙂

    • whipping seems to be the punishment in this story. The Yellow Emperor whipped his grandsons lol

      Throughout this story, XL is a general, he has responsibilities towards the Shen Nong army. Sure they fight a losing battle, everyone knows it, but the things he did for them (in Book 1, the medicine he requested are for the army, not himself). He makes a figure of a leader, easy to be blamed for, but who can carries his burden.

      I think because we like XY too much and we want her to be happy after her sufferings, so every misfortune is deemed should not happen to her.

    • Reading both of your thoughts I have realized that not a lot see or remember Xiang Liu for the goods he has done or his true intentions. (Yess, some of the things he do to Xiao Yao makes me cock my head too) 🙁 Like you said he is a general, how can he abandon the people who he has watched died & shed blood to protect Shen Nong with him for love? That would be irresponsible of him to throw away a nation for one person.
      Someone above said that it was a matter of choice of them picking Xiao Yao or something else and I agree. But had Jing not been saved by Xiao Yao I would not see him pledging loyalty to her for life and putting her above everything else. Imo his case scenario is easiest to deal with. While Xiang Liu who said he was a slave did not get the chance to meet Xiao Yao first and probably met Gong Gong first and sworn loyalty to him in exchange for freedom. It is no longer as easy as flipping a coin. Xiang Liu has the burden of putting a dying army on his shoulders and cannot just screw them over because he’s possibly in love. He is so loyal that it hurts; he can’t love freely bc like Zhuan Shu he cannot put Xiao Yao before his people (if or when he becomes King; plus his motive behind all this is to have the power to protect Xiao Yao too.)

    • 1. Yes laws of nature but didn’t have to feed it to him at that time right in front of her. Condors can eat anything but it didn’t have to eat that furry animal who was scared shitless. Poor animal was frozen in place.

      2) There was actually a chance she would have died, she lost consciousness! Why are you trying to make light of the fact that he forced her underwater for a kiss. How is that sexy or kinky when someone is clearly struggling for air. There a zillion ways he could have done that but he chose the worst way possible. Its a good thing he finally decided to give her air, a moment later she would have died. Even if you disregard the near drowning, he was forcing her to do something she clearly didn’t want to do and choose not to do. He had all the power while she has zero powers. The energy differential is too big here. If I give him a pass and say ‘Oh, he didn’t mean, he just wants a kiss so he is forgiven and its sexy, she deserved it as she offended him and he did it out of love.’ What kind of message is it to pass on people who may have an abusive boyfriend/husband who is violent with them under the name of love? I know its a story about gods and not humans but they are like humans and can influence people.

      3. Yes whipping can be sexy if you are into BDSM but it wasn’t sexy here and it wasn’t sexy when he stepped in her whipped back. I don’t think kinky whipping requires weeks of recuperation or being in such pain you can’t even walk and you have to be carried out of camp. But what do I know, lol.

      You are free to like whoever you want to like just like I’m free to point out the mean, violent, side-eye worthy stuff he did. Because he did do them! It’s all written in the book! You can excuse him for the shitty stuff he’s done because he is a great demon and in love but doesn’t mean others have to.

      4) Just because you don’t die along the way doesn’t mean she didn’t feel pain. Broken bones and legs hurt alot whether its a god or human.

      • I hope you don’t dislike Xiao Yao later when she does the same thing – force Jing to kiss her underwater because she’s mad at Xiang Liu, and Jing refuses and almost drowns. Poor Jing, sometimes he needs to stop Xiao Yao’s piques when it rises and she gets in one of her moods.

        I do have to say that Xiao Yao isn’t mad at Xiang Liu, doesn’t dislike what he did to her because it was all equal in cause and effect. Xiao Yao was a stranger girl posing as a man near the Sheng Nong camp, even Xiao Yao was prepared for him to kill her in the tent because for all he knows she’s a spy who is a poison master who managed to poison Furball immediatelt. He actually acted completely contrary to his duty, he went with his gut and let her live when she told him the honest truth about why she was not just Wen Xiao Liu. I can go on and on about how Xiang Liu and Xiao Yao are just two peas in a pod, he dishes out and she takes, and she dishes out and he takes. It’s not necessarily the recipe for a great happy marriage together, but their rapport is exactly to the point of what each other can take.

        Similarly, I don’t agree with Xiang Liu shippers who point out how dull Jing is around Xiao Yao, that all he says is yes yes yes and does whatever she wants. He does so only in the things that really don’t matter and make her happy. He’s not a pushover and he’s not trying to use unconditional love to buy her love back, that is exactly how he happens to love her. It might seem boring and Xiao Yao is so contrary she needs more spice in her life, but the thing is that Xiao Yao wants boring now. She wants a partner in life who won’t abandon her. Boring or not, she likes it and he’s good for her. I also don’t think Jing is boring, he’s just choosing not to bicker with her because frankly he understands her a whole lot less than Xiang Liu does.

      • I don’t think nekoi/anyone is implying XL didn’t do anything wrong. He did, we are aware of that. I can only say about me, but it’s the ongoing process of discovering his character that endears him to me. He’s not perfect, far from it, but his relationship with XY is give and take, at least to me.
        All 4 are linked together by fate, their actions affect each other whether they realize it or not.

        Throughout the book, there are messages left by the author. And that’s the power of reader to think and analyze what’s to emulate and what not. To me, this story is fun and interesting but I will never relate it with anything in life 🙂

      • @Koala
        I like Xiao too much already but if she does that I will honestly like her less. It doesn’t matter whether its a man or a woman who does it, its not ok with me and I’m thrilled Jing refused to be forced to kiss her. Will it cross to dislike? I don’t know. She is a strange one, isn’t she? Lol.

        I was under the impression he was being excused all the stuff he did. That is what the post seemed to be saying.

      • Hi @Shiku! Thanks for your insights. I guess it’s up to people’s preference to like or dislike a character. My earlier post was to let people understand why Xiang Liu did some ‘bad’ things to Xiao Liu. Main point is not whether I condone his behavior or not because I’ve always bear in mind 2 very important things (listed below) in order of myself to enjoy characters and stories such as this.

        Thanks @lea for understanding my post even though we only interact via a few posts now and then 🙂 I guess, when people have a deep prejudice against something, it’s hard to change their mind so we just let them have a peek in our thoughts. If they can’t see it, it doesn’t matter since we are here just enjoying the journey through discussions.

        ONE: This is a story about gods, demons & humans. A time when gods are prolly perceived as the higher being; and also demons have a natural evil streak in them. These beings are sometimes cruel because it’s in their bones. Since we are merely humans of modern reality, how I see gods and demons behaving is by imagining them as ancient Romans or whatsnot. In histories, they do carry out brutish and cruel punishments and they mishandled women, children and animals. So you can’t expect our male characters to be all docile and gentle like Jing. He’s too perfect it’s scary to me. Furthermore, I can safely tell you that Zhuan Xu has not so much good in him too.

        TWO: This is just a fiction. I cannot CANNOT believe people are not able to differentiate between reality and fiction. So every time I see people say how violence in a film is gonna influence real life, or the wrong message it is sending… I just think only dumb and really really stupid people do what they see in stories.

        Moreover this is a book series with an ancient mystical background that is totally made up for all we know. So are you gonna say characters in Games of Thrones, they rape women kill children, this is no good and we should ban the show? It’s all but for our entertainment. Don’t like it, don’t watch it. No hard feelings.

        Lastly, I would also like to put my thoughts on the feasting of the furry creature by the condor in front of Xiao Liu. Please please remember Xiao Liu was a man in appearance. Men of ancient trying times (and sometimes women) can swallow the scene of an animal being eaten alive in front of their eyes. Cute or not doesn’t even come into picture. When you need food, who cares if the animal or insect is cute?! If you have food in front of you during war, you just eat it! Who knows when the next meal is coming?

        Mind you, I LOVE animals, and I have a pet jack russell whom I adore. I don’t eat pigs or ducks because I find them very cute, however I don’t impose my ideas unto other people or despise them just because of my own preference. I have respect for veggies, but if they go all out putting ideas on me, I will not hold back on giving them a piece of my mind when food is concerned. Ok I digress. Just wanna let you know I am not a heartless animal hater.

        Ideally, yes, Xiang Liu should have drawn a curtain down when the condor is feasting on a precious furry creature. But Xiao Liu is a man at that time. Although Xiang Liu is suspecting otherwise. I’ve always think he mishandled Xiao Liu because he wants ‘him’ to come out and say “stop stop, I’m a girl okay, stop your man barbaric brutish behavior!”

        Anyway, it’s my wish for current anti-Xiang Lius to come to like this character before the end of book 2. We are not supposed to dislike him even if you can’t like him to a degree as you like Jing or Zhuan Xu. Even Tong Hua the writer loves Xiang Liu.

        Hope you guys see where I’m coming from. 🙂 *Goes back to reading 曾许诺*

  31. I am officially a koala-stalker! Thank you miss Koala. I really love XY and XL interactions. I wish they were the first love line who don’t work out and then XY moves on to Jing. Apparrently XY’s mind is made up already. I know Jing is the right person who can bring what XY need. But the mere potential of XY and XL loveline justt urrghh so irresistable to me!

    Take care Koala, please dont burn out just yet. I have no real life XY to cure from this addiction!

  32. Ok, I really hoped and wished this thread of comments would be spoiler free. It had been, thankfully, but not any more. The secret hasn’t been outed yet but it’s pretty much clear that my Xiang Liu doesn’t get the girl. In fact, he doesn’t even get to confess his feelings.

    I’m not blaming or pointing fingers but some innocent comment lead to another and the ending is obvious to me now.

    I did say previously that I love Xiao Yao and I’d be happy as long as she is, which is true however I feel I need some time away from this to even be capable of reading further.

    It’s a testimony to the strength of this story and its characters that it had me so invested.

    Let me tell you I read a lot of books. In fact, I read approximately 175 fiction titles a year. I call myself a spoiler whore as I do purposely look for spoilers and take comfort in the predictability of a romance novel.

    Lost you Forever was an exception to that rule. I fully immersed myself on this adventure where I indulged myself in the anticipation along with the commenters and the speculation regarding the ending.

    It’s stupid that an imaginary character and the ending to a fiction novel is able to illicit such a reaction out of me. But heart-broken is the word I’d use.

    It is entirely my fault that I gave never looked at the signs. I kept shipping my ship so hard that I got too invested with these characters. I’d check Koala’s website every hour and actually jump off my seat when I saw a new update. Sadly, my poor heart is cannot take this. It may sound juvenile but I suppose this really is the end of the journey for me. I did not protect my heart and thus I suffer so.

    I do love Xiao Yao and wish her the best but I have realised I have to take a step back. Until my heart stops bleeding and I’m sane enough to understand the futility of my reactions as it really is pointless to grieve over a fictional character unable to find love in a book.

    Regardless, I enjoyed the journey so far and I’d like to request that please don’t put anything even slightly spoiler-y on the other forthcoming chapters. The spoiler may not have been explicit but they were enough for me. I sincerely hope it doesn’t spoil anyone else’s experience.

    P.S I still haven’t read the translated epilogue yet.

    • If you want someone to talk with, my email is nightmaira [at] gmail. Sometimes have a buddy to talk with, vent you frustrations, share your feelings really help. It doesn’t hurt that I also love Xiang Liu.

    • Yeah, I do too. When I read the comments and seem to think there might be a spoiler I just skip on. So so far I’m still pretty spoiler-free. 🙂 I guess you just have to pick and choose your battles and for me, I’m okay skipping some “possible” spoilers and forgoing the whole comment of that post since there are already a lot of of other comments going on that I could easily enjoy. Of course I would like to be able to read them all. I guess this is my filtering system which might or might not be helpful for others who want to be spoiler-free.

      • I wished I was able to filter more. *laughs* I tried that method to skip comments or not read the section at all. It only took two subtle sentences though and I was in “damn it to hell people” mode. My heart was beating so fast that it felt like it was about to burst.

        Personally I really like the comments section because when there is civilized discussion it’s really fun and engaging and you get to see people’s perspective from all over the world rather than the limited scope we have within the areas that we actually live at.

    • Oh hoho, you will still enjoy the journey of this series. Xiang Liu did many things with Xiaoyao and it will take you to the heavens, so don’t be upset with the ending-spoiler.

    • I feel you through and through. I always tend to read the last chapter to know what happens sometimes when a book gets draggy or purposefully go look for spoilers of a book just to see if it was actually worth my patience. But Lost You Forever steeled me with so much patience and endurance to not go look around because of the characters that I was really impressed with myself and happy.

      But then my ship sank before it was even able to set sail. I think it was around chapters 2 to 4 of what Ms. K had translated. Like you said, those subtle hints and signs from the comments, if you put two and two together, you’ll know the ending.

      I already did my rant about it somewhere else and I think I have come to peace with myself as well. I love how you use the word “heart-broken” because that is actually how I felt when I had read the first subtle-hinted comment and then a couple chapter later, BAM! I was hit with a crack in the heart.

      I think after learning though, I will be able to come to peace even more by the end of this journey because right now I am savoring every moment my ship can be with each other and the more appreciate because of what to come. Though this does not mean I do not enjoy other parts of this novel, tbh I had avoided Ms. K’s blog for a few days because I was in ruins emotionally, but the story pulled me back and appreciate everything all over again.

      I did want to give a good shaking to Xiao Yao a few times by now because of her enclosed shell but that is how she grew up and survived and become so what can we do but just wish her happiness.

  33. I tried my best to delete any spoilery comments but this thread exploded with comments before I could go through and there were so many in so many iterations I just gave up.

    I can say that it’s a lovely novel that knowing the ending doesn’t ruin the journey and it’s also a novel where how the ships pan out doesn’t negate the enjoyment. For those who worry their ship sinks and you’ll cry, never fear because there is SOOOO much C-fanfiction out there for the sunken ship. I’ll translate the best one of the bunch when I’m done with the novel, it’s as good as Tong Hua’s writing and completely turns all the tears to joy after reading it.

    One guy gets the girl and the other guy gets the girl missing him forever and a third guy is missing the girl forever. That’s kinda like slicing our peachy Xiao Yao in thirds and she’s left a bit with every one of three great loves of her life. The novel explores the different kinds of love and does so without saying one is better or more right. Love just is, some can be explained and other times it doesn’t really make much sense.

    • I had never thought there would be a day where I’d be excited to read fanfiction, by here we are. This story has turned me into a gushing teenage girl again. It’s a bit silly that fictional characters can have me so emotionally invested, but that is a testament to Tong Hua’s great writing.

      I love history Chinese romances/fantasy because of the rich world building, mythology, and vibrant characters. It’s such a shame that I cannot read Chinese myself, or I would be hooked to the computer screen, plowing through novel after novel.

      Anyway, thank you very much Koala, for translating this wonderful book 🙂

    • Koala,

      Thanks for sacrificing your time and spent so much effort on these translations!

      I am in the middle of book 3, but I still re-read the chapters you post because I love the novel, it’s interesting to read the chapter again in English, and sometimes I would notice things I didn’t my first read. I also love to talk to other readers in the comments section. It’s no fun to read by myself. Discussing and sharing it makes the experience much richer for me!

      I am so glad that you will translate the rest of the novel and even the fanfictions! Yay.

    • Koala is it possible for you to give the links to the fanfics?? So excited now that there’s a chance to soothe my wounded heart……

    • I just love how you say it…one guy gets the girl and the other guy gets the girl missing him forever and a third guy is missing the girl forever.. so true! I cannot wait for the third series! Xiao Yao’s daughter 🙂

    • Ooh yes. I’ve always single-mindedly think of the series title from the guy’s perspective. When you said the guy gets the girl missing him forever… oh gawd, my poor heart. It totally hit the nail on my head. That’s it! “Missing you forever” goes both ways!

    • Thank you so much Koala!!
      I will greatly need your fanfiction translation to get through this if my ship does not work out. I wanted to let you know that I not only enjoy your translation but also your active discussion. This has been a fun reading experience~

  34. Wonder when there will be have the next chapter? I keep checking everyday, will u still translated the rest of the story?

  35. ” who.do.U want me to be ? ”

    XY wants.you to be the useless.playboy FFB to play with her.forever and to be the always bad/meanie XL at the.same time.

    XY is the.definite soulmate who came in late wt his.set.priorities ( shen nong army ). He is the.ultimate.bff.
    ..sarcastically fierce and loyal.

  36. Xiao Yao letting FFB into her room, sleeping right next to her until noon time & worrying about him healing is so telling of their relationship. She was willing to risk her life yet again for his safety. The first time was the bloody mask in chp 5. I alwy feel that XY started out with pity for Jing bc she saved him. There were many passages even up until now, that alludes to it or directly mentions it. In Chp 14, when Jing was with XY in the cave & told her about his insecurities. XY responded by saying that another man forced her to kiss him but she wanted to kiss Jing. Jing thought to himself that he didn’t want XY’s pity & will wait until she loves him. XY is clearly cares about Jing & is willing to give him a chance bc of his spoken devotion to her.

    However, it is XL that has long been in her heart even before she made the 15yr promise to Jing. Even though XY’s rational side didn’t want to kiss XL or want him to walk into her dreams. XY sill subconsciously mentioned XL(Zhuan’s enemy) when asked to whom she wanted to be with. Despite XL never confessing to XY!! It may seemed like a joke on the outside but XY is not just physically & emotionally drawn to XL but the fact that she also loves exploring with him & feels like she could do it eternally. How does this not scream she loves him so deeply esp with the way she protects him even from her own family? FFB is basically XL without the armor & responsibilities of being the Sheng Nong general.

  37. As a reader from the future (2023), i will say that im truly disturbed with the amount of xiao yao with xiang liu shipping, i mean did these ppl dont realize how cruel XL is? Idc and idk about how sweet he is to FL, but i cant still get over how he told his pet to devour the poor furry cat like beast frozen in fear.

  38. Wow….. this chapter. Zhang Xu’s goal to rule the entire land and bring peace for the whole region to protect XY. I commend him to sacrifice and go through so much just to lose his beloved.
    I knew FB was XL, and him using this identity to accompany her knowing how dangerous.
    Jing going out of his way to help Zhang Xu, for the sake of XY. Also, his way of showing his affection for XY proves he is the end game.

  39. Before starting the Chapter 17 I would like to express again my gratitude to you Ms.K for translating this very poignant novel of Tong Hua. I may be late because this was translated in 2014 but I always believe there is no late at all in knowing and reading a beautiful story. God bless you.

  40. I am do thrilled I googled “LYF novel in English”. Otherwise, i would not have stumbled on this treasure trove.
    I equallt thrilled that I am not the first one to do so in 2023! I enjoy every chapter.

    All in all, I want to say a huge THANK YOU, koala for your hard work. I am sure that many -like me who do not know Chinese- are grateful that they can enjoy the novel in English.

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