Lost You Forever Chapter 51: Entrusting the Heart to Leave or Stay (Final Chapter)
The God and Goddesses of the fantasy romance novel Lost You Forever live thousands of years to our human tens of years, and their loves and losses are beyond epic and earth shattering. But the relationships and connections Tong Hua wrote in this novel were so nuanced and subtle that years later I’m captivated by the first line. The novel is long (50 chapters over 3 volumes!) but doesn’t feel tiring to read, instead each detail worth savoring. I know I am beyond late posting the final chapter, like 5 years late and I have no excuses other than sometimes real life gets in the way of a final brick in the entire tirelessly built creation that was a labor of love.
This remains my favorite anything written on this blog, whether book translation or drama recap, and now it’s complete for readers to read and re-read to your hearts content. I’ll post the epilogue as well in a bit, I promise and it’s all about my Xiang Liu so I can’t welsh on spending more time with the Nine Headed Demon, yes? This chapter brings to a lovely conclusion for Goddess Xiao Yao and the man who will stay by her side for the rest of her life. Lost You Forever, thank you for an epic journey. Please enjoy for those who read the book using my translations and for those new to the Playground you can start from chapter 1. Don’t worry, a few sleepless nights won’t kill you. This wasn’t a hard chapter to translate as the epilogue is harder, but it is incredible to know I’m saying farewell to so many beloved characters – Xiao Yao, Jing, Xiang Liu, Zhuan Xu, the crotchety Emperors, and even bratty Ah Nian.
Chapter 51: Entrusting the Heart to Leave or Stay
It was dawn and Jing sat on the side of the pallet and called “Xiao Yao, Xiao Yao……”
Xiao Yao drowsily flopped over and murmured “Let me sleep a bit more.”
Jing said “Last time you promised Lie Yang and Ah Bi that today we would go to mother-in-law and father-in-law’s tombs to pay our respects.”
Xiao Yao rubbed her eyes and woke up.
Last night after sending off the Yellow Emperor and Zhuan Xu, they returned to the pavilion court and continued drinking,
After hundreds of years, Ah Bi and Lie Yang finally returned to Cao Yun Pavilion. They attended Ah Heng’s daughter’s wedding and reunited with a familiar person in the Grand Emperor. But so many more close people were no longer there and everyone had so many bittersweet feelings so drank wine like water.
Xiao Yao drank a lot with them but even with her high tolerance she got drunk by the end. She recalled talking about her mom and hugging Lie Yang as the two bawled their eyes out. Finally it was Jing who picked her up and carried her to bed…..
Xiao Yao suddenly bolted upright “We got married?”
Jing rubbed Xiao Yao’s forehead and pretended to be perplexed “I never heard that getting drunk led to memory loss.”
Xiao Yao stuttered “Last night…..last night I…..you……we…..”
Jing laughed “Last night you were passed out drunk so I let you sleep. Don’t worry, our days together are long and I’m not in a rush. What? Are you in a rush?”
Xiao Yao glared at Jing and rushed off red faced to wash up.
After getting dressed, Xiao Yao and Jing went to look for Lie Yang and Ah Bi. After breakfast the four of them went to pay their respects to Xiao Yao’s family members.
Even though Jing knew that Xiao Yao’s family were all buried in this place, it was still a shock to see six tombs side by side.
Ah Bi and Lie Yang went to clean and tidy each tomb while Xiao Yao introduced Jing to her grandmother and uncles.
Xiao Yao saw that Jing, Lie Yang, and Ah Bi were all very solemn and laughed “Hey, don’t be like this! Today is a good day for me! Smile more! Grandmother and my mom would have loved to see us smile.”
Lie Yang nodded and said to Ah Bi “Ah Heng’s daughter has truly grown up and become wise.”
Xiao Yao pouted “You talk like you’re so wise but that statement would sound more appropriate coming from Ah Bi.”
Ah Bi hurriedly interjected “You two bickering please don’t bring me in! I’m neutral and won’t take any side!”
Xiao Yao grabbed Jing’s arm and crowed “Who cares? I have someone who takes my side now!”
Lie Yang looked at Xiao Yao and Jing and smiled broadly. Xiao Yao leaned on Jing and laughed back and the sound of laughter swirled around the hillside and forests as the leaves and flowers around the tombs all swayed as if dancing to the sound of merriment.
Lie Yang and Ah Bi stayed for a few more days before departing.
Xiao Yao and Jing sent them off and went to Xuan Yuan Castle to look for the Grand Emperor and Ah Nian.
Since there was nothing important to do on Five Gods Mountain, Ah Nian decided to stay for a period to keep her dad company. These days she would accompany the Grand Emperor to the blacksmith shop and help out, even learning to cook from the maids.
When Xiao Yao and Jing arrived at the blacksmith shop, neither the Grand Emperor nor Ah Nian was there. Miao Pu said the Grand Emperor took Ah Nian to that thousand year old rundown bar to drink. Xiao Yao chuckled “Looks like Dad is planning to tell Ah Nian all about his past exploits. Let’s not go interrupt them.”
The two strolled around the streets before Xiao Yao took Jing to a restaurant and ordered a few Xuan Yuan classic cuisine dishes.
Xiao Yao was quietly eating when seven or eight soldiers walked in and the leader gleefully yelled out “Shopkeeper, bring the best dishes and wine! Today I’m treating, anyone here is invited! Waiter, give every table wine to celebrate the Xuan Yuan Army’s great victory today!”
Everyone in the restaurant got excited and started asking questions, learning that it was Great General Ru So who won the battle and a few diners laughed “Isn’t the Great General Ru So constantly winning battles recently already?”
The lead soldier said “This is not like any regular great victory! Nine Lives Xiang Liu is dead! You business people likely don’t know how powerful and vicious that Xiang Liu is…..”
Coming so out of the blue that she could not brace for it, Xiao Yao felt a piercing dagger stab her chest and her ears were ringing. The pain in her heart exploded and the wine cup in her hand dropped.
Jing worried cried out “Xiao Yao!”
Xiao Yao murmured “It can’t be! It’s impossible! He can’t be dead just like this! I didn’t feel anything, I can’t feel anything anymore……” She suddenly remembered that the Lover’s Bug was removed by the Royal Mother so she obviously can’t feel the connection anymore. Xiao Yao’s eyes rolled back into her head and she collapsed backward.
Jing grabbed Xiao Yao “Let’s go back to Xuan Yuan Mountain first, let Miao Pu take the Grand Emperor’s badge to gather information.”
Xiao Yao was lightheaded and leadfooted, all she kept saying over and over was “It can’t be.”
Jing ordered Miao Pu and appeared to say something to Xiao Yao but she couldn’t hear anything clearly.
Miao Pu rushed off, and it seemed like it was a short time, but perhaps also a very long time, when she returned.
Xiao Yao immediately asked “That was fake news, right?”
Miao Pu replied “General Ying Long said that Xiang Liu died in battle.”
Xiao Yao screamed wildly “That’s impossible, I don’t believe it!”
Miao Pu was so frightened she didn’t dare say anything word.
Jing brought in a bowl of the strongest alcohol and forced Xiao Yao to drink it all. He gently asked “Do you still want to hear more? If you don’t want to hear any more I can drink with you.”
Xiao Yao held her head and said to Miao Pu “Keep talking.”
“After the death of the Chi Sui Clan Leader, His Majesty ordered that the Army was to completely exterminate Gong Gong’s army at all costs. Great General Ru So commanded an army of 200,000 soldiers to surround and attack Gong Gong’s army. Under the unrelenting attack of the Xuan Yuan army, Gong Gong’s army retreated deep into the forest and refused to engage. General Ru So started to burn the entire mountain to force Gong Gong’s army to come out and battle and found themselves facing General Ru So’s army and also General Li Yuan’s army of 20,000 soldiers. Gong Gong led his soldiers into the ocean but General Ru So already anticipated Gong Gong would escape towards the ocean. He stationed General Yu Jiang and his water trained soldiers to lay in wait. He was ready to cut down Gong Gong when Xiang Liu somehow energized his nearly dead soldiers to battle open a route for Gong Gong to escape. But General Ru So and Yu Jiang followed the entire way for days and nights until he caught up to Gong Gong on a remote ocean island. General Ru So had the island surrounded and used many ancient spells and weapons so that even if Gong Gong turned into a tiny fish he couldn’t escape. Yu Jiang insisted on landing on the island with his soldiers to attack and started a fierce battle with Gong Gong….”
Miao Pu’s voice got softer and softer “One thousand Sheng Nong soldiers against 100,000 thousand Xuan Yuan soldiers, not a single person surrendered and every Sheng Nong soldier died. Yu Jiang is a top fighter among the Gods but he could not defeated the heavily injured Gong Gong. Later General Ru So ordered every single soldier to shoot their arrow at Gong Gong and with over ten thousand arrows shot at him Gong Gong finally died. It was after his death that his true form appeared, it was the Nine Lives demon….General Ru So realized then that he was tricked.”
Xiao Yao bent over and her arms wrapped around her head as her shoulders shook uncontrollably. Miao Pu didn’t dare to say more but Jing gentled stroked Xiao Yao’s back and said “You keep talking!”
Miao Pu glanced at Left Ear and saw his emotionless face so she continued “General Ru So, once he discovered he was tricked, did not fall into a rage. Instead he said happily “With Xiang Liu’s death, the hardest part of the war is over.” Because Xiang Liu really killed so many of our men, I heard a lot of soldiers wanted to harm and desecrate his body to assuage their anger. But General Ru So whipped the men who rushed forward and ordered everyone to step back. Once everyone left the island, Xiang Liu’s body dissolved into black blood that destroyed every living thing on the island include blades of grass. Even the ground turned black. All the soldiers were frightened and even General Ru So was scared afterwards, if it wasn’t for his respect for this enemy likely everyone would have died alongside on the island.”
Xiao Yao’s body collapsed on the pallet, if she didn’t believe it earlier now she believed it. Only Xiang Liu could do something like that.
Jing gestured to Miao Pu and Left Ear and both left the room.
Jing pulled Xiao Yao into his arms and tenderly said “If you’re heart is hurting, just cry it out!”
Xiao Yao’s face was ashen white but she kept muttering the same lie over and over “I’m fine! I was already prepared…..when I first met him I knew this day would come! I always knew!
Jing picked up the wine jug “Then let’s drink!”
Jing poured the wine for Xiao Yao and she picked it up and gulped it down, the strong wine giving her cheeks a red flush.
The sky gradually darkened.
Jing said “If you don’t want to rest, I can accompany you for a stroll outside.”
Xiao Yao staggered to the pallet “I can fall asleep.”
Jing could tell she was trying to battle herself so he didn’t say more and released the curtains for her to rest.
Xiao Yao breathed evenly in and didn’t move, appearing to fall into a slumber.
In the middle of the night, Xiao Yao’s eyes opened wide and she stared at the beams on the ceiling.
She quietly got up and looked at Jing sleeping calmly and felt relieved. She put on her outer robe and walked out of the room to sit on the jade steps.
Outside of the palace walls was a crescent moon, cold and lonely.
Xiao Yao remembered the moon in Qing Shui Town. When Xiang Liu died, was the moon in the sky shining down on him like this. Did he think about the moon they looked at together.
Even though the East Sea and Xuan Yuan was separated by tens of thousands of miles, but if Xiang Liu wanted he could always let her know. But even in death he didn’t care to say goodbye to her. In his eyes, she wasn’t even someone to be deemed a friend. It was always a transaction between them, each and every time it was a deal that was calculated clearly and fairly.
Xiao Yao suddenly remembered something and hurriedly searched herself before taking out the mystical Gorilla Mirror she always kept by her side. Inside the mirror were two memories she saved, and now it was the only thing she had left of him.
One memory was in Qing Shui Town when he couldn’t move because he was injured. Wen Xiao Liu captured him and used the chance to get revenge on all the times he was mean to her. Xiao Liu used the coal in the warmer to draw 7 eyes on his face, plus his 2 eyes, that gave him 9 eyes so she could make fun of him as nine headed demon.
The other memory was from deep in the ocean. Wen Xiao Liu and Xiang Liu’s reached a deal and Xiang Liu took her to Five Gods Mountain to remove the voodoo bug from Zhuan Xu. After removing the bug, they were chased by the Five Gods Mountain soldiers so they went deeper into the ocean to escape. That was the first time Xiao Yao experienced the beauty of the ocean depths and when Xiang Liu wasn’t paying attention she secretly recorded Xiang Liu as he was carefree and with his guard down.
Xiao Yao took a deep breath and used her power to turn on the mirror. But after swiping repeatedly nothing appeared.
Xiao Yao grew frantic “It can’t be! It can’t be!…..” She anxiously used her power to look into the mirror. But no matter how many times she looked there were no memories of Xiang Liu.
Even the only thing he left to her was gone!
Xiao Yao could not believe it and she angrily kept trying the mirror “How could this be? How could this be?……”
Suddenly she remembered, when she was unconscious Xiang Liu discovered the secret of the mirror and ordered her to erase it. When she woke up he never mentioned it again and she thought he forgot, but it turned out that when she wasn’t aware he had completely erased it all!
Xiao Yao stroked the mirrored and said through tears “Xiang Liu, in your eyes, am I really that meaningless? So you won’t even leave me a small memory!”
“Nine Headed Demon, I hate you!” Xiao Yao violently threw the mirror as her tears tumbled down her cheek.
In Qing Shui Town, she was Wen Xiao Liu, he was Xiang Liu. They were always at odds, but when he got injured he would hide in her room to heal. She didn’t know when she started telling him her painful past that she had never told anyone before.
In Xuan Yuan Castle, he was the dissolute playboy Fang Feng Bei, he was gentle and considerate, fun loving yet diligently and patiently taught her ten plus years of archery.
When she was asleep under the ocean for 37 years, they spent every night together. That was probably when Xiang Liu was the most tender and caring towards her. She was of no use to him to exploit and they have no reason to be on opposite sides of each other, so during that time it was just one person taking the other person through life together in the ocean. One person sometimes saying a few words here and there, the other laying forever in silence.
At her wedding ceremony in Chi Sui, he came to steal the bride from the wedding and made her go with him as payment for the promise she made. He also asked for 37 years of army provisions from Jing. All he gave up was his alter ego identity, but her reputation was thoroughly destroyed.
After that he was the General to Gong Gong’s army and she was Zhuan Xu’s little sister, every time saw each other even their words were like swords slashing at one another.
The last time they saw each other, because of Feng Long’s death, on the very Hu Lu Lake where they once played together she now wanted to kill him and he used Jing’s death to rile her up to get revenge for Jing. That night he nearly drank all her blood all to make a pill for healing. She hated him for being so cold blooded and vowed never to see him again!
If she knew that it would be the last time they would ever see each other again in this life time, she would have said something else. No matter how cold and harsh he was to her, she would never ever have wanted to say what she said to him.
Xiao Yao’s entire face was awash with tears and she lifted her head to stare at the sky.
Xiang Liu, why? Why? Why do you treat me this way? Why won’t you even let me keep one memory of you…..so our hundreds of years together, it was always just a transaction to you?
Xiang Liu died so boldly and left nothing behind, no parting words and even his body dissolved into poison. No one was there to answer Xiao Yao’s plaintive question.
When Jing embraced Xiao Yao from behind was when she realized it was gradually sunrise.
Xiao Yao realized she was cold from being in the cold all night and Jing used his body to warm her “When did you get up?”
Xiao Yao hurriedly wiped her tears and said with a twinge “Not long ago.”
Jing softly kissed her on the curve of her neck.
Xiao Yao weakly leaned into Jing’s embrace and after some time she said in a low voice “I just told you a lie, I’ve actually been up for a long time. I couldn’t sleep last night.”
Jing replied “Don’t worry, even the most loving spouses need time to themselves. I know you are very sad and pained right now, so you need to be alone even more.”
Xiao Yao said “I…..I…..”
Jing covered her lips “Don’t think your husband is a very jealous and small minded person. Xiang Liu saved your life many times, I am eternally grateful to him.”
Xiao Yao’s tears began to fall again and the drops landed on Jing’s hand. Jing said nothing and continued to hold Xiao Yao in his arms.
Xiao Yao murmured “Even though I always reminded myself that he was Zhuan Xu’s enemy, but I…..I was not prepared for this! I really wish it was all a lie…..he’s so sneaky, he must’ve found a way to stay alive!”
Jing said nothing because he knew Xiao Yao didn’t need his response.
“It’s because he’s so sneaky that he doesn’t want to stay alive! One time he told me “Actually, to a General, the best ending is dying on the battlefield.” So he chose for himself the best ending!”
“But what bullshit best ending! He’s the stupidest idiot in this world! He stayed loyal and true to Gong Gong and all his soldier comrades but did he do himself right?”
“I’m the idiot actually! He never cared so why do I have to be so hurt. I don’t want to be feeling so much hurt………”
Xiao Yao kept talking and crying until gradually her words trailed off and she curled tightly in Jing’s arms and stared at the tall Phoenix Flower Tree. Blooms of red fell to the ground carried by the wind as if frames of each memory passing by, no matter how beautiful it would all pass with the wind.
Xiao Yao wearily closed her eyes “Jing, I want to leave!”
“Where shall we go?”
“To the ocean! The millions of miles of ocean and unending horizon, Xiang Liu said there were endless uninhabited and uncharted islands, perhaps we can find a beautiful island to call home.”
“Sure!”
Xiao Yao wanted Miao Pu and Left Ear to follow the Grand Emperor to learn metal work so that he could earn a living one day. But Miao Pu cried and pleaded “Whenever my lady goes, I go!”
Left Ear said nothing and stared at Xiao Yao, actually even harder to shake than Miao Pu. Xiao Yao gave up “As long as you guys don’t mind a hard life then follow Jing and me!”
Xiao Yao packed her bags and it was mainly the wedding presents. Her grandfather gave her two boxes of jewelry, likely her grandmother’s items. Her father’s present was a small dagger he hand forged and a short sword. Zhaun Xu’s present was very useful, an estate in Xuan Yuan Castle and hundreds of acres of land outside. Ah Nian’s present was a bundle of Fu Xang God Wood. Lie Yang’s present was magical elixir pills likely collected by him over hundreds of years that even Xiao Yao was impressed. And Ah Bi’s present was a pair of jade pendants made using Jade Mountain’s ancient jade vault and a big bellied laughing doll carved out of Fu Sang God Wood. Both he handmade.
Xiao Yao pick three of her favorite jewels from her Grandfather, she kept both dagger and sword from her dad to use for protection and also to cut fruit, she thought a bit about Zhuan Xu’s present and accepted it, she carefully packed Ah Nian’s present, of course she was taking all of Lie Yang’s present, and Ah Bi’s jade pendants could be worn to protect and also ground down as magical healing medicine so she fashioned one for herself and put the other around Jing’s waist.
Lastly there was the big bellied laughing doll……Xiao Yao was curious from the beginning. Why didn’t Ah Bi use peach wood from Jade Mountain and instead used Fu Sang God Wood? Fu Sang God Wood can ignite without a flame and was not suitable to be used as carving wood. And it wasn’t clear what Ah Bi did to this piece of God Wood so that it could be touched and not burn.
Xiao Yao cradled the doll and said to Jing “Ah Bi is so funny, other such dolls have big heads but his doll has a big head and a big belly. Does it mean this chubby doll got fat because it loves to eat?”
Jing looked at the doll “This is Fu Sang God Wood over tens of thousands year old, it cannot be penetrated by water or flame, no weapon can mar it, it would be exceedingly difficult to use it to carve this so Ah Bi must’ve spent a lot of time on it.”
The big bellied doll wasn’t of any practical use but Xiao Yao just thought it was so cute and holding it in her hands she liked it more and more. A big head, a big belly, it was wearing a round belly cover and had a pout on its lips, its smile so impish that Xiao Yao couldn’t help but burst out laughing in joy at it.
This was the first time Xiao Yao laughed in days and Jing let out a sigh of relief and said softly to Miao Pu “Please pack this smiling doll safely to bring.”
On departure day the sun was bright and the winds mild, a very suitable day for travel.
The Grand Emperor and Ah Nian accompanied them to the start of the highway where many people bid travelers farewell. Often they would hear cries and sniffles from other groups.
Left Ear and Miao Pu sat on the cart waiting for Xiao Yao to bid the Grand Emperor farewell.
Xiao Yao said to Ah Nian “When you’re bored on Five Gods Mountain come to Xuan Yuan Mountain to see Dad. But remember, never ever step foot in the Middle Plains! Never ever ask anything involving Zhuan Xu!”
Ah Nian replied “Don’t worry! I still love Zhuan Xu as much as I did back then, but all the tears shed since I am no longer the same Ah Nian. Don’t forget, I’ve even been on the battlefield. Even though Ju Mang was fighting the actual battles but the blood and death I experienced firsthand.”
Xiao Yao was fully relieved.
The Grand Emperor asked Xiao Yao and Jing “Decided where you’re going?”
Jing replied “No, just wander for a bit and if we can find a place both of us like then perhaps we will settle there.”
The Grand Emperor joked “When you decide on where to settle, send word to us, don’t go and disappear without a trace.”
Jing smiled and said nothing while Xiao Yao kneeled down with him and both bowed three times to the Grand Emperor. Xiao Yao said “Dad, please take care of yourself, we are off now.”
The Grand Emperor sighed in resignation and said with a smile “Off you go!”
Jing and Xiao Yao got on the cart and with the clamor of horse hooves and wheels soon they disappeared into the people and carts on the road.
The cart they were riding was ordinary and could not be distinguished from the other carts on the road.
The Grand Emperor had sharp eyes but soon he couldn’t not tell which was her cart. He saw countless carts on the road and everyone was the most ordinary human out there, and now Xiao Yao was one of them.
The Grand Emperor’s heart was sorrowful but also a sense of letting go.
Xiao Yao had the most noble and royal lineage in the entire world. Her mom tried to break free from it with all her might but she didn’t succeed. But now Xiao Yao succeeded.
Xiao Yao had the Face Forming Flower inside her and Jing was the descendant of the Nine Tailed Fox. Once they departed, they could disappear forever.
The Grand Emperor already could sense Jing and Xiao Yao’s intentions but did not openly acknowledge it. He acted like it was as normal trip and would also let Zhuan Xu and the Yellow Emperor think that Xiao Yao was still living in Xuan Yuan Castle.
A few hundred years ago when Xiao Yao escaped Jade Mountain and wandered the world, it likely set in motion today’s ending. She returned briefly to the world of the Gods, from Five Gods Mountain to Xuan Yuan Mountain to Sheng Nong Mountain, she witnessed firsthand the unification of the entire Wilderness. Perhaps it was to complete her mother’s final wish to let Zhuan Xu safely ascend the throne, and today Xiao Yao had fulfilled her mother’s dying wish. Xiao Yao chose the path going forward of the water returning to the sea, the bird returning to the tree, once again returning to where she really belonged.
The Grand Emperor walked with Ah Nian slowly back to the blacksmith shop.
It was the busiest time in Xuan Yuan Castle, people walking on the streets and alleys, carts and horses jamming up the space. The sounds of vendors calling out mixed together, and Xiao Yao could be the lady selling wine in the shop, or the doctor napping in his clinic, or that lady chasing after her son with a fan…….
The Grand Emperor could not help but smile, when Zhuan Xu discovered and then could not find Xiao Yao, he would undoubtedly be furious. But he would soon realize that Xiao Yao was the world of people and the world of people was Xiao Yao. As long as the entire world was at peace, then their Xiao Yao would be living happily.
Much thanks for this contribution to the community!
Thanks so much! Love you Koala!
Thank you very very much for this Ms Koala. Tears were streaming down my face when reading about Xiang Liu’s death and Xiao Yao’s reaction to that.
Thank you, Ms Koala!
Does this one have a drama adaptation of movie adaptation??
It will come out this year. It is with the same name though
lost you forever
Thank you Ms. Koala. Your English translation of Lost You Forever started my love for Chinese novels.
Same. I started with her translation and then started for Chinese books to read.
Oh my goodness it is here!!! Thank you so much for translating this series, it really is one of my favorites! Thank you is not enough! Thank you for your hard work and commitment to seeing it through! Your translation is excellent! Ah! Just thank you so much!
Just double checking, is this suppose to be chapter 51?
Thank you. I waited for this for a long stretch of time.
Love you Capt. K ❤
Thankyou for continuing the translation
Just two days ago I checked this novel thinking maybe you had translated the last chapter and I missed it, and saw that nope, it wasn’t posted. Then I thought well it’s been quite sometime so I guess we will not get that chapter. So this is a huge huge surprise for me. Thank you for all your effort, I have no knowledge of Chinese, there was no other way that I could come across this beautiful story if you did not translate it to English. I’m grateful for this.
Goes to reading the chapter…
Ah the final chapter i forget some bit and pieces here and there but i will always like jing but in all this is a harem in a way . Thanks for the translation miss k
Thank you so much for introducing us to this amazing novel. I wouldn’t have found this gem if you did not recommend it on your blog. Truly the best fantasy romance novel I’ve read.
Do you have any other recommendations on novel that is similar with this level of complexity and quality? I can read Chinese, so I can read any novels, just never know where to find these gems.
Thank you! Much much appreciated.
I hope you di more translator project Ms K. I do thank you very much.
Finally. I have been waiting this final chapter since last year and about to become lost hope. Thanks you for wonderful translation and your work.
Thanks koala,been waiting for this for years. More translations please❤
OMG Koala You’ve finished it! I’ve been waiting for a long time. Thank you so much for completing this wonderful translation of the epic story. I feel so sad for XL. Why couldn’t he leave her some memory of his caring deed for her. So sad to think of the precious momento sealed in that big belly doll and XY will have no way of knowing it. Such a torturous ending even though I’m a Jing shipper.
Thanks for the published this story book …. But I am so sad about XL’s ending … I can’t bear with it 😭… Can you make a second story book for XL’s sake 😢… I can’t endure this end
Thank you so much Koala, this has become one of my favorite novels. I know it what a lot of hard work, but could you please explain the story with the gorilla mirror? The Yellow emperor mentioned it and I think the Grand Emperor also mentioned it at some point and I’m really curios. Also maybe I just selfishly want to stretch out Tong Hua’s magical world a bit more jeje.
Koala said that the gorilla mirror’s backstory was to be told in the second installmant of this trilogy, which was never written.
OMG I can’t believe the last chapter got translated! Thank you so much for your hard work!
Thank you. This my favourite thing on your website as well. Since the first post all those years ago, every time I feel an urge, I come back and reread my favourite parts. Now I get to enjoy it in its entirety! What a marvellous gift you’ve given us.
Thank you – it brought tears to my eyes. What a turning world that they (and us) lived in.
I waited for years to complete reading this novel. Such satisfaction. Thank you Koala!!!
Wish JIng have more romantic moments with our female lead and wished Xiang Liu have more scenes with our Female lead.
the face forming flower thing confuse me. in early chapter,when the Royal mother show XY’s true face, didn’t she say “from now on XY cant transform anymore, only can use the flower to maintain her beauty”???
but in these late several chapter, esp this chapter, it indicate XY can still change face.
Poor Xiangliu. he did the most things for XY. without him the world has no more XY and Jing. *sigh*
Yeah even I am confused over face forming flower……
But I am more disheartened with the Xiang Liu’s end💔. Though it was inevitable but somehow I just loved him for his selfless love for Xiao Yao and wished them to be more brave to be with each other just like her parents (Ah Heng and Qi Yo)…..
But somewhere deep down I even feel that after going through so much she deserved a settled life which only Jing could provide her ….. So I feel happy at same time as well as sad for such a tragic happy ending 😭😭😭
I really wish that someday she would crack that big head and big belly doll and understand that XL did not consider her just as transaction but someone really important and he knew his end from the very beginning so never let her grow her feelings so intense towards him that she would be in the worst condition just like how she was when she lost Jing ….
Salute to such a selfless love and though he character is of a villain type but he is the true hero of the story…. He sensed that how much she loved Jing and brought him back from the verge of death….
Sometimes I wonder that Zhang Xu is also a very pitiful one. He chose that path to protect XY but couldn’t get her love. But as he once said that he did not regret his choice. It proves that for him as long as she was happy and safe then he don’t mind being unhappy.Also he always remembered that they once agreed to marry each other in childhood. It’s such a heartbreaking happy ending story that I am getting confused whether to feel happy or sad 😐
But literally the worst end among all leads is of XL and honestly he was my favorite character out of all who did not deserve such a tragic end but as he told XY once that the best end of a general is to die on battlefield. So he got the end he hoped for …..
This is really such a masterpiece I ever read and honestly I read this translation after watching the drama lost you forever and coz it’s 2nd season is yet to come so started reading this out of curiosity. But I never saw any drama/movie or read any novel better than this. Earlier when I came to know that ZX would try to kill Jing so I was irritated and started to hate him but now I just pity him and feel bad for him 😢
Anyways thanks Captain K so much for translating such a wonderful story !!!!!!
This is the best novel I’ve ever read 🥺
thank you for your hard work bringing this beautiful novel to us 🤍
Maybe iam the minority here who feels so much for zuan xu. I’m not defending him, he deserve that kind of ending but i dont know my heart is so much bleeding for him 😭 in the 2 volume i like jing but towards the end i feel so much for ZX. Especially in their family grave when he handed that red flower to XY and than bow to his parent. In his heart he married XY and thats enough for him..
I am feeling complicated with this romance story, i didnt feel satisfied with the story or characters yet i feel so much feeling for it. I like jing together with xy but i didnt feel so much with him bcs he was seldom in the picture, futhermore everytime XY thinking about XL i feel cheated on 🤣 so i dont know what to feel about this story XD but xz is definitely one of character that i feel so much. Thank you so much koala for the amazing translate ❤️
I’m with you. My heart bleeds for ZX and I feel so much pain that I feel something pierced through my soul leaving me completely numb. I too don’t justify his actions and can accept his ending but maybe because I relate to his story the most. I too want the best for my mother to be freed of all the difficulties like ZX want for XY because ‘Only if you are well does my world have a purpose’.
Thanks so much koala for letting me find this masterpiece.
Does this mean we may have season 3?
Of the drama? No. The 2nd season is already from the 3rd volume.
I also feel so much for ZX. I know the end for him is understandable,but it’s so tragic – he grab power to protect her and because of that he lost her. But as a result he created new peaceful, good world for everyone. It’like utmost selfless selfishness.
I think Cang Xuan is THE male lead on his own right without the need to be the romantic partner of the female lead. Afterall, he’s the one who can thoroughly say ‘Lost you Forever’ from the very moment he let her go when they were young, to marrying a lot of concubines and to every decision he made as an Emperor. He was moving far away from her to provide for her the kind of life she wants to live – not a princess but a commoner. And thus, the ending ‘Xiao Yao is the world and the world is Xiao Yao. As long as the commoners are at peace, then Xiao Yao must also be happy.’ That’s how Cang Xuan fulfilled his love for her. 😊💕
Funny you should say that because it is just what I was thinking. I find that all the dramas I have seen by this author start incredibly strong and suck you in like a vacuum, but fizzle out towards the end, leaving me feeling underwhelmed and a bit disappointed. I knew XY would end up with Jing, even though he didn’t inspire me. But I really wanted to see more of XL and ZX as they were the best characters in the story. I also felt XY lost her strong character and became like a weak woman at times, which was a shame.
Still enjoyed the story and the fantastic translation, and I am so glad I found this after watching the incredible drama of the first half of the story on Viki.
Bro I feel the same pain for ZX as you and as for XL I can feel that XY felt a thing for him but refused to accept it. If not then XL might have died long ago because of lover’s bug as the voodoo king also said that if they do not love each other truly then they would die. So XL love was clear for her and he loved too deeply that he could feel her pain as well but her love was not so deep to feel his pain but she still loved him even if just a little bit.
What’s the doll? How is it related to XL?
A wedding gift made by XL. It is made of a kind of wood that can’t not be damaged by water or heat. There was a ice ball inside the doll’s belly. It is said that ice ball used to be the gift Xiaoyao sent to XL before but it was different a little bit (hair colour and one more man).
I’ve just finished reading this having only discovered this book recently. I wish I can own a copy of a translated book. Koala after all this hard work I really think you should appeal to the author to have this translated version published!
Thank you doe this .
Appreciate you so much.
LFIY has to be the best drama this year and for a long time to come.
I particularly like Jing and the 9 headed demon..
They both…love her in their own way..
Amazing tale.
So it’s lost Xiang Liu forever …😭
😭😭😭😭
Waiting for season 2 ms.koala.. its adorable amazing story i ever read… i wish there is another season.. thank you and godbless..
An amazing story🎉🥰 I thank you so much for your hard work in the translations ❤️🙏🏻 Providing us to dream …❤️✨✨✨🍸
Wow happy ending with Jing and xy. But my tears were pouring out when xl died…
Thank you…I am watching the series niw at Vicky
Thank you for the translations!
I read spoilers that Xiang Liu erased Xiao Yao’s memory of him. I’m glad that it was only in the mirror, and that she still remembered him and grieved for him.
I liked all four men in XY’s life. Jing is really her one true love, Xiang Liu her BFF/ally/confidant, Zhuan Xu her brother, Fenglong her erhm drinking buddy (?). I’d like to think Xiang Liu survives in both XY and Jing, because he’s enforced XY’s blood with his power that revived Jing. Now I’m off to the epilogue. Thanks again, Koala!
Wouldn’t that be a double happy ending if the many-face-Nine-Lives Xiang Lu actually transformed into…the Nine-tailed clan chief worthy of Xiao Yao in the eyes of the world? (Oopps…Is that a spoiler alert?) Crossfingers. TV Drama adaptation…plueezzee give us a happy ending 🙏💕
My heart is torn 💔🤧🤧😭😭.. after all those hardships, there was only one happy ending… how much i wish feng long could’ve obtained a new ambition after fulfilling his dream instead of leaving sorrowfully and worriedly about his sister… how much i wish zhuan xu and xiao yao can go back to their brotherly/sisterly love that kept them alive all those years, and that xiao yao can finally congratulate him in his wedding day…. how much i wish xiang liu can live for himself… life is soo bitter sometimes 😭😭🤧🤧
Thank you for your hard work and dedication for translating this novel. I had to read the ending to finish the unair second season of the live action. It has been my crack for the past few weeks and sleepless nights from reading your novel translation. Grateful.
Came across your novel after watching Thr drama. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for your great work. Loved your commentaries too. This novel has made an everlasting impression I’m my heart and soul. It’s beautiful creative and imaginative, I can never dream of creating something like this. It’s a masterpiece and I thank you for giving it to us the international readers.
I can’t wait for the 2nd season to be aired, so I read this… ‘Twas a very good story… Heart-touching with so many philosophies in life… Thanks for translating… This is one of the best books I’ve read… Tong Hua is such a good author…
I laughed, I cried, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this novel.
Thank you so much for translating.
Thank you so much Koala-sensei for sharing Xiao Yao’s journey to us. I started reading your translation after finishing S1 and was completely rooting for Jing. But Xiang Liu is indeed incomparable. I’m just so happy that after so many heartbreaks and sufferings, Xiao Yao had found a home in the end.
tushanjing is prison cage,xiangliu is freedom
what do you mean by that?
I really like xiang liu the best…..so sad until i cry. I hope there will be a good ending for xiang Liu.
Zx is a prison cage.tu Shan jing is a lifetime companion.xl is unique cud be carefree love cud be lifetime love in another dimension or world.feng long is definitely zero feelings.cud also be her prison cell.thank u koalas playground it’s my first to encounter author tong hua.its a very complex novel that borderline reality and fantasy.but a good diversion to this time and year.a very good story…
I read this after watching on netflix and I cried so many tears for XL. I didn’t even cry when Jing fake died and he was my ship.
Amazing story, thank you for translating this.
My utmost gratitude for this novel Captain K. You rock! I am in awe of your hard work and dedication to translate this novel. I love drama LYF but more so this novel. My heart is heavy reading this final chapter. It will take me awhile to move on from heart-wrenching death of XL, whom I love so much. XL’s love was unconditional (though it may seem like his help to XY were transactions). He may be a demon but he has the purest heart that loves XY with his whole being. I wanted him to be the end game for XY. But, I’m happy that XY finally get to be with Jing, who’s devoted to XY. I’m sad that XL died. But it’s the best for him. He had done so much for XY, he won’t have regrets. I’m pretty sure if XY was the one you saved XL after he got out from the killing arena, they would have been together. XY and XL had that deep bond, not just because of the Love bug. They both know each other’s feelings but don’t dare speak of it, as it’s not going to work considering their status in life. OMG… my heart is breaking for XL. I will mourn for him for a while.
I just happen to to watch LYF from the 1st episode and was totally hooked…I had some sleepless nights just to finished till the last episode of S1. And yet after watching, I went back so many times to rewatch it all. Then there was this great desire to know the ending of it all, how the 4men ended fared, who ended with who? So I researched for LYF novel and I chance upon your website…I opened it and started reading from when CZ/ZZ became the emperor till the ending and knew from the start when TSJ appeared that he was the man for XY. Though XL sacrifice a lot for XY but they were like parallel lines that will never intersect.
Thank you very much Koala for taking time to translate this novel so we can see how beautiful the story is. This one became my favorite to top all the drama’s I’ve watched so far. I can’t count anymore how many times I went to read over and over. I also read some of your recaps on some of the past drama’s I’ve watched. You’re so good at it, you should continue to do more of this. Thank you once again.
I’m a big Xiang Lu fan. So, this Epilogue is bittersweet. But then again…I don’t know if you noticed some droplets of clues or am I just overimagining it. Xiang Lu gave some amulet/pendant to Xiao Yao before telling her that when all’s said and done, she can go back to the sea.
Then, have you noticed this unusual important line? “Jing kissed Xiao Yao at the curve of her neck.” The neck has always been a thing between the two. Also, I’ve always wondered about the many shapeshifting moments of Xiang Lu and back then he would often tell Xiao Yao the words “Who do you want me to be?”
Aahhhhhhhhh…pls give us that twist at least in the tv drama!!
One more thing…From the very words of Xiao Yao “Xiang Lu has always been sneaky!”
Yep, he’s our beloved trickster. Plueezzee Drama Adaptation, give him a chance. I_I
😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣 seriously waiting for this twist too.
So this it. She end up with Jing. 😢😢😢 My heart is 💔 i knew it from the beginning they won’t end up together. Luckily the seasib 2 is not yet released 😂😂. Or else it takes time for me to moved on again.
Thank you for your effort translating this wonderful novel for us. Keep up the good. ❤️
Hello Ms Koala!
I thank you so much for introducing me to this fantastic Chinese novel which opened a new world Tonghua created for all of us in romance love and sacrifice one needs to understand and feel on a different level altogether.
This novel is first which has made tremendous impact on me and my emotions after being an avid reader all my life.
It’s a journey with so much emotional upheaval and intense feelings that its hard to describe and process within while reading it.
I saw the drama first and it opened a new world of Chinese stories I got hooked into.I searched everywhere and when I found your translation I was so happy u can’t imagine.This has made me a fan of Chinese literature and especially author Tonghua.She has indeed taken the concept of love and romantic feelings between man and woman on a different level of understanding and expressions.I have never felt so overwhelming while reading any other book than this.
1 The journey of Xioa Yao with these 3 leading men is completely a roller coster of emotions which take you up and down and start to make u feel that u r part of it along with her on this road.
2 I love Xiang Liu so much.His inward journey from being a cold hearted General/demon to his self sacrificing pure and intense love for Xiao Yao makes you happy to feel their strong palpable attraction and love towards each other and also sad to see them go into denial because of their positions in life.I always ask myself what wd Xianglu have asked Xiaoyao to fulfill her promise had she remained Wen Xiao Liu in Qing shui town?.How wd their life be if Xiaoyao had kissed him in sea and gone with her feelings forward? Could he have sacrificed his duty to Gong gong by giving his one life for him and taken a way out for them to be togather? So many questions left unanswered.
I cannot adjust to the this fact that Xiaoyao will never know that he gave so much to her to be able to live her new life as princess Xiaoyao by silently supporting her saving her and giving her the man she thought safe to be with for a simple life to live.I wd rather she had given in her emotions to have that earth shattering romance with Xiangliu.
His end in battle to remain loyal to his adoptive father is something we can not sustain and live with.His character leaves you with so much impression to crave for more.
3 I liked Jing in his own way being loving and devoting himself to Xiaoyao.But I had this feeling of manipulation in him.His love though real was manipulative at times and left me thinking a bit that he wanted her to always wait for him even though his priority was his family and clan duties first.We don’t get that zing of intense feeling between them but rather a feeling of safety a security of a mundane life which Xiaoyao wanted due to her past experiences.
4 I liked the character of Zuan xu though many disagree.His was also the tough journey with sole intention to give Xiaoyao a protective safe heaven for a life.Had he made Xiaoyao remember the promise she made to him to marry him when she came in her original form then the story wd be different.And I gleaned from what his grandmother and Xaioyaos mother said that they too wanted the same and he somehow though that she will remember it and waited for that but she was already in a denial sort of love with Xianglu and chose security with Jing.
I feel sad for Zuanxu that his waiting led him to take some wrong decisions which fractured thier relation.
But ultimately he created a safe world for her and took a step back to give her a life she wanted.
Once again thank you Ms Koala for introducing me to this wonderful land of Chinese novels depicting a wonderful ancient world of gods goddesses demons and humans by Tonghua.I will read all your translations of her books and many more.
Thank you!!
Thank you for translating this great novel I’m in tears knowing what happened to Xiang liu and happy Jing and Xiao Yao got a happy ending ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Obrigado Sr.koala por esta tradução e ter me dado a oportunidade de apreciar cada palavra desta obra maravilhosa! É sensacional esta obra. Não tenho palavras para descrever como foi emocionante cada momento desta leitura. Espero que saiba que tudo o seu esforça em fazer a tradução não foi em vão. Você mesmo de longe e sem ter noção conseguiu alcançar muita gente de todo o mundo nos dando muita emoção. Obrigado por todo seu esforço e carinho na tradução do novel e hoje eu posso ter a oportunidade de apreciar isso.Obrigada! (3 reverências ao Sr, Koala)
🙂
Pls can’t the second half of the drama end with xiang liu and xiao yao together happily ever after, I really felt like jing is an indecisive person who doesn’t know his responsibility,no hate towards him tho. Xiang liu was her soulmate who did everything for her, you can feel her sincere happiness every scene they were together if not for the circumstances he will have openly fought for her. Hmmmm I’m sad I really can’t watch Xiang liu die in the second part 😭😭😭. The drama overall had me aching like they all went through so much together emotionally with her cousin too. I want to understand Xiang liu and jing better it will be great if they go in on their childhood deeper I really want to see how Xiang liu grew up and what suffering he has endured.
This is so true. Its like the Yanxi palace. They were the match but because of their calling they cant be together. But the title was for Xiang Liu. Lost You Forever. I had a feeling its either Xiao Yao will die or her main lead. So XL was the main lead.
Thank you for this. Thi it’s fiction I cried like I have never cried in my life. A part of me wishes I shouldn’t have watched the drama or read the ending. It’ll take a long time to get over our dommed hero. I wish author gave him a happy ending but then I he wouldn’t be remembered so yes that’s it 🙁
Thats why its Lost you Forever. Its like the yanxi palace. It was xiang lu and xaio yao but they cant be. Jing was XY peace. But her heart was with xiang Lu.
I have just discovered this novel, via the drama series on Viki, and I am most appreciative of your translation work. I was actually looking for an English translation to purchase and could find none. This is an amazing tale, and I am grateful for your work in providing this for non-Chinese speakers.
I Like the end of the story, Many people think the ending should be good, but the outcome of the story is not good. They really regret watching it and why did they end. But for me this is a very good story and what makes it exciting is that you don’t expect what you expect to happen.
Many thanks to you for your hard work and devotion.
Hi Koala, been looking for the translated book “lost you forever” since watching the cdrama. thank you so much.
Hi Koala
I just finished LYF the drama series and I was looking for the English novel hoping I can find more information in who XY really loves. I’m so fortunate to find your blog. Thankyou for your immense dedication in translating this novel. This is my first time reading a Chinese novel and I absolutely in love with the story and the all the characters. Thankyou for your hand work to allow non chinese readers like me to have the chance to enjoy this masterpiece.
I’m glad I came across the series when it was almost all aired 😀
It stuck in my memory so much that I was looking for a translation to read, compare with the series and get as much as possible. The 3 male characters were great, all of them hurt by life just like XY. I’m not an exception and from the beginning I liked the XL and ZH characters more. Jing is a bit of a fake man to me. The fact is that he loves her very much, because he knew that no one else would look at him, and even if he did not have the courage to flirt with another woman with a wounded psyche. He is very intelligent and more than once he did something to get what he wanted is. XY. But also, XY wanted a man to pet her, so despite my own dislike of Jing’s character, he was the best fit for her. Novela is still in my memory because it is brilliant! It’s been a long time since I read something that would move me so much that I still think and experience 😀
I’m angry that XY won’t know the truth about XL because of her own passivity. I’m very sorry, because even though XY loved Jing more, I still think she deserved to know the truth about XL’s feelings for her.
Thank you very much Koala for the translation. From what I saw, it took a lot of time, so really big congratulations for your hard work 🙂