Lost You Forever Chapter 19: Standing Out in the Wind All Night

When I read Tong Hua‘s other novels, it was easy to have favorite chapters and even favorite volumes, but that didn’t happen with Lost You Forever. There is always something to savor in each chapter, each with a crescendo and a comfortable lull that is pivotal to building the narrative. That probably also comes with loving all the leads so that it doesn’t matter who is getting a scene, it’s forever interesting and adds to the richness of this magical world. Now that we know Fang Feng Bei is Xiang Liu in every way that counts, it’s startling to go back to volume one of the novel and read his scenes with Xiao Yao and just gape at how cold impatient Xiang Liu from the early chapters could also be playful cheeky Bei. I think Xiao Yao has to know that he likes her no matter what he doesn’t say, but I don’t think she’s being purposely dense. She does not want to deal with that implication, which is why their ocean scene in an earlier chapter where she told him that she doesn’t want him walking into her dreams means so much. We can enjoy watching them hang out in all their chemistry-filled glory, but they are like two parallel paths that can’t cross unless one person makes a ninety degree turn. Jing continues to be strategic and sweet, and I may find his scenes with Xiao Yao comparatively dull, but Jing as a character isn’t dull in the least, he’s just a slow burn that has all the ingredients to be the last one standing. Sometimes love has to be fought for and I love that he’s gotten over his insecurity and understands Xiao Yao loves him for who he is and is willing to wait for him. While Xiang Liu is off fighting a losing battle and Zhuan Xu is off trying to win the keys to a kingdom, Jing is the only one who has only Xiao Yao he needs to weigh in his heart and mind.

Chapter 19 – Standing Out in the Wind All Night:

Xiao Yao’s life seemed to return to normal like when she lived in Xuan Yuan Castle. In the morning she practiced archery, in the afternoon she made poisons, every day was packed to the gills.

Every few days she would go find Fang Feng Bei to practice archery and afterwards head to the city of Zhi Yi and Zhe Province to play. Fang Feng Bei lived up to his reputation as a consummate ne’er-do-well playboy for the last four hundred years, he knew Zhi Yi and Zhe Province like the back of his hand. Whatever nook and cranny had something fun, he could find it, whatever was tasty, he would find it. The two of them were each other’s companion as they enjoyed life’s endless pleasures.

Zhi Yi and Zhe Province were equally as far from Five Gods Mountain and from Xuan Yuan Mountain, so whether it was the Grand Emperor of the Yellow Emperor, it was far enough to make their influence seem tenuous. Those who had seen Xiao Yao’s true face was very few so once she put on the attire of the Middle Plains and lightened her complexion a little and used concealer to cover her peach blossom birthmark, she became an ordinary girl who was quite pretty enough.

When she was with Fang Feng Bei, Xiao Yao often forgot her identity and she would feel like she was still Wen Xiao Liu except wearing girl clothes.

Xiao Yao knew Fang Feng Bei was Xiang Liu, but because this wasn’t the battlefield and he wasn’t being a cold and ruthless battle god, it was like he took off his armor and resumed living the ordinary life as well. He was a spare son who didn’t have any ambition or influence, she was an ordinary goddess girl with very low power. No one ever paid them any attention.

The two of them walked on the street and when they encountered a noble’s carriage they would move to the side and let them pass; when they were berated, they would docilely lower their heads to apologize; when their clothes got dirty, they would wipe it with a cloth.

Since Xiao Yao resumed being the Princess, she was never short for money. The first time she encountered Fang Feng Bei not having enough money and took out her money to pay, Fang Feng Bei’s expression instantaneously turned deadly furious and Xiao Yao was so scared she immediately put her purse away. Fang Feng Fei stormed out without a word and returned in a bit with more money, likely he sold or pawned something valuable on him.

After he paid and they left the store, Fang Feng Bei very sternly said to Xiao Yao “Paying is a man’s job, you stop getting involved!”

Seeing his expression, Xiao Yao didn’t dare giggle so she put on her best serious face and nodded. That night in Zhi Jin Court, the sound of Xiao Yao’s laughter would ring out every so often as she laid on her pallet rolling around laughing so hard until her stomach hurt.

From then on, Xiao Yao understood that it didn’t matter if he had a lot of money or not enough money, they would simply spend whatever amount of money Bei on him. If he had money they would go to nice restaurants, if he didn’t have much they would eat at a street stall.

One time after lunch, Bei only had two coins on him and they had no choice but to take a twirl at a gambling den to earn enough money for the rest of their afternoon play. The gambling den proprietor saw Fang Feng Bei and instantly looked upset, it was likely not Fang Feng Bei’s first time there to earn money. Thankfully when he had money he would gamble and lost a lot so he wasn’t banned from there.

Xiao Yao gradually understood what Xiang Liu meant – he wasn’t pretending to be Fang Feng Bei. He was just being himself. To him, Fang Feng Bei was like having a job that gave him a lot of freedom and he didn’t need to work everyday. When he did work for the Fang Feng family, they would give him money. If he didn’t have enough money, he would work side jobs. As for what being Xiang Liu meant to him, Xiao Yao didn’t know and didn’t dare ask.

Jing would come visit Xiao Yao in Sheng Nong Mountain every three or four days.

Sheng Nong Mountain was huge and there was too much to explore. Other than the maids and guards stationed at the Palace, many places had no one living there and was very quiet. Sometimes they would play in the water, other times they would go nowhere and stay in the hut in Cao Ao Summit.

A lot of hibiscus trees grew around Zhi Jin Court and Xiao Yao often picked the leaves to use to wash Jing’s hair.

She soaked the hibiscus leaves in water to create a fragrant bubble which she ladled over Jing’s hair. His hair was beautiful, thick and lustrous, smoother than silk, and Xiao Yao loved using her fingers to comb through it as she washed his hair.

Perhaps it was due to her always taking care of Jing when they first met, but Xiao Yao was very used to taking care of Jing now. On time she remembered the first time she washed his hair and couldn’t believe that the decimated near dead person was this man now.

She wanted to take his robe off and check to see if the hideous scars were still on his body, but she didn’t dare since she was not Wen Xiao Liu and he was not Ye Shi Qi.

Xiao Yao never concealed where she went and Jing knew she was spending a lot of time with Fang Feng Bei but he never said anything or asked anything.

Actually deep down inside, Xiao Yao wanted him to ask. But he likely thought he had no right to stop her so he didn’t ask. He never even mentioned that Fang Feng Bei looked just like Xiang Liu, not sure if he investigated and found nothing suspicious, or he didn’t think it mattered.

Since Jing didn’t mention it, Xiao Yao didn’t bring it up.

Just like that, a year went by in her life.


After four years of practicing archery, Xiao Yao’s skills was moderately developed. The bow she was using wasn’t suitable for her anymore. Fang Feng Bei took Xiao Yao to a weapons store owned by the Tu Shan clan to select a new bow.

Xiao Yao knew a good weapon wasn’t cheap and if she wanted the store to bring out the good ones to show them, she couldn’t be dressed too shabby so she picked an outfit made of very expensive material,

Fang Feng Bei asked the sales clerk to bring out all the weapons made by the famed weapons forging Jin Tian family. The sales clerk sized them up and figured they could afford it so led them to the back courtyard to try out the weapons.

Xiao Yao picked up the bows and pulled it back to try, realizing each was different. A small red bow, Xiao Yao pulled but couldn’t move the string and felt it wasn’t suitable for her so put it aside.

Fang Feng Bei picked it up and handed it back to her “Try again.”

Xiao Yao stood firm and pulled back the string again but it still wouldn’t budge.

Fang Feng Bei walked behind her and held her hand and gently guided it and Xiao Yao was able to pull back the string.

Xiao Yao released the arrow and it hit the dummy right in the center of the chest.

Xiao Yao happily said “This bow is it!”

“Second brother, Xiao Yao.” Yi Yang’s happy voice rang out.

Xiao Yao turned around and saw Jing and Yi Yang walking in, and even if Jing knew Xiao Yao saw Fang Feng Bei often, this was the first them he saw them out together. Xiao Yao didn’t think it was a big deal so smiled back. Jing glanced at Xiao Yao and Fang Feng Bei before quietly standing to the side.

Yi Yang smiled as her eyes stared at Fang Feng Bei’s hand resting on Xiao Yao’s waist and the other on her bow hand “We also came to buy weapons and what a surprise running into you two here. Is second brother teaching Xiao Yao how to shoot?”

Bei released Xiao Yao’s hand and smiled very warmly. Xiao Yao knew what he was thinking because four years ago she had the thing misconception, that Bei was teaching her archery as a method to pick girls up.

Yi Yang saw the red bow and picked it up and pulled back the string before praising “Definitely a Jin Tian family made weapon, worth a sky high price!”

Xiao Yao suddenly remembered the arrow that pierced Zhuan Xu’s chest and said with a smile “I’ve heard your skills are legendary. In my eyes, Bei is already incredible but he claims his skills cannot even compare to yours. Can you show me today?”

Yi Yang stared at the test dummy in the distance and said nothing. Xiao Yao was about to change the subject when Yi Yang gave a small smile “Why not?”

She picked up a bow and arrow and pulled back, and in that split second her entire aura changed. She stared at the test dummy and her eyes were filled with rage and barely tamped down disgust, like the test dummy was someone she hated with her entire being.

Whoosh, the arrow left the bow and pierced the test dummy’s throat clean to the other side. Xiao Yao didn’t even see Yi Yang grab more arrows but she grabbed two more and released both which pierced the test dummy’s two eyes. Yi Yang’s form didn’t even change and she smiled coldly as if she just let off some steam.

A moment later her form relaxed and she became very sweet and docile “Sorry for the bit of showing off.”

Xiao Yao felt a shiver go down her spine but forced a bright smile and clapped loudly, innocently saying to Bei “You have to teach me, I want to be as good as Yi Yang.”

Yi Yang looked at Xiao Yao and a flicker of disgust floated past. Bei was leaning against a pole and lazily drawled “You will never be able to learn that skill.”

Yi Yang laughed “Second brother, how can you not give your disciple some positive confidence? Please teach the Princess well!”

Yi Yang was handed the two daggers she was here to buy and after inspecting it, the clerk packaged it up for her.

The sales clerk of course didn’t know Jing and Yi Yang’s identity but he still handed the package to Jing for him to pay. Yi Yang glanced at the weapons and suggested “Jing, please pay for the bow and arrow for my second brother!”

That suggestion made Xiao Yao completely uncomfortable and Xiao Yao didn’t know why but in that moment any man could pay for that bow and arrow for her except for Jing!

Xiao Yao took the bow and arrow from the sales clerk and put it in Bei’s hands and said with a smiling pout to Bei “If Master Jing were to pay for it, then wouldn’t it become a gift from Master Jing to me?”

Bei stared at Xiao Yao and his gaze was icy cold.

Xiao Yao bit her lip and lowered her head, Xiang Liu was not just any man. She just made a huge huge mistake!

Bei’s gaze was still icy cold but he smiled and took out money and turned to Yi Yang and Jing “I’ll accept the thought but this bow and arrow is my present to Xiao Yao so I can’t let you guys pay for it.”

Yi Yang smiled and apologized to Xiao Yao “I’m sorry, I was too inconsiderate.”

Bei said to Jing and Yi Yang “You two enjoy shopping, we have to leave now.”

Xiao Yao followed behind Bei and quickly left the store.

Bei tossed the bow and arrow at Xiao Yao and coldly said “Pay me back for it.”

Xiao Yao took out money and gave him the exact amount he paid for it.

There were two beggars on the side of the street and Bei took Xiao Yao’s money and put it in front of them. Both beggars eyes opened wide to see so much money before them.

Bei smiled “For you both” before turning and striding off.

Xiao Yao stared at the two beggars who were weeping tears of joy and hugging each other, and she completely understood what Xiang Liu meant by doing that.


That night the little nine-tailed fox astral projection came to find Xiao Yao but she buried her head in her blanket and refused to acknowledge it.

After a long time, Xiao Yao peeked out from under the blanket and the little white fox was still sitting on her pallet with its head cocked quizzically staring at her, as if confused why Xiao Yao was playing hide-and-seek with it.

Xiao Yao said “Go away!” but it blinked and didn’t understand.

Xiao Yao waved at it but it had no form so her hand passed through its body. It still wagged its tail cutely and stared at Xiao Yao.

Xiao Yao took two pills and fell into a deep sleep.

In the morning, Xiao Yao drowsily woke up and saw the little white fox still sitting on her pallet with its head on its paws staring at her.

Xiao Yao moaned “What are you still doing here?”

Because it was still here, Xiao Yao didn’t dare leave her room and called Shan Hu in to help her.

Shan Hu saw the little white fox and tried to hug it but her hands passed through its body. She exclaimed “What kind of magic is this to conjure up such a cute little nine-tailed fox.”

Xiao Yao woke up, had breakfast, and the little white fox followed her.

The entire day, no matter what Xiao Yao did, the little white fox followed her. He stuck to Xiao Yao to the point that she literally couldn’t even muster up the energy to be angry anymore.

That night Xiao Yao sat face-to-face with the little white fox.

Xiao Yao had her head in her hands deep in worry, the little white fox stayed all day and all night. Jing that idiot couldn’t have been waiting in Cao Ao Summit this entire time, could he? Xiao Yao was in a pique and thought – if I never show up, can you really wait forever? There is no one who can wait an entire lifetime in this world!

The little white nine-tailed fox rested his head on his little clawed paws and stared at Xiao Yao with his black bright eyes, as if he was also very mopey.

Zhuan Xu’s voice shouted “Xiao Yao!”

Shan Hu answered “The Princess is in her room.”

The little white fox appeared to know it couldn’t afford to upset Zhuan Xu, so with one last pathetic look at Xiao Yao, it swished its tails and vanished into thin air.

Zhuan Xu rushed in and Xiao Yao asked “What’s wrong?”

Zhuan Xu said “Today Jing and Yi Yang attended a friend’s banquet and as they were leaving he was attacked.”

Xiao Yao’s heart leapt “He….he….how is he?”

Zhuan Xu braced Xiao Yao “The injuries are likely severe. The news I received said that a spear with two different poisons on it pierced his vital organ. Tu Shan clan has sealed all avenues of information so it’s not clear if he’s dead or alive. I asked Feng Long to look into it….”

Xiao Yao pushed Zhuan Xu’s hand away and stumbled and ran outside. Zhuan Xu anxiously called “Xiao Yao, where are you going?”

“I’m going to look for Jing.”

Zhuan Xu stopped her “Even if you get to Qing Qiu, you won’t be able to see him. Why not wait for Feng Long….”

Xiao Yao replied “I’m not going to Qing Qiu, I’m going to within Sheng Nong Mountain to look for Jing.”

Zhuan Xu saw Xiao Yao’s anxiety so summoned his winged ride “I’ll take you.”

They flew towards Cao Ao Summit and Jing was standing in the doorway shrouded by fog, not moving at all as if he was a pole.

Xiao Yao let out a sigh of relief, half happy and half angry as she yelled “He’s such an idiot!”

Zhuan Xu quizzically asked “Is that Jing?”

Before the winged ride landed Xiao Yao already jumped off. Jing saw her and regained a semblance of life, smiling at her “You came!”

Standing in the mountain fog for so long, Jing’s robe was all damp and he had dew on his face. Xiao Yao didn’t know whether to laugh or rage and hit him a few times “You idiot, you scared me to death!”

Zhuan Xu remembered the fox tail doll substitute that Jing made for him and understood what happened. He asked “You’ve been in Sheng Nong Mountain this whole time? The Jing on the outside is your substitute?”

Jing answered “Since entering the mountain yesterday afternoon, I’ve not left. Today I was supposed to attend a family friend gathering but since I didn’t see Xiao Yao, I sent the substitute in my place.”

Zhuan Xu couldn’t figure out what he was feeling. Jing being alive had one hundred benefits for him and not a single detriment, but when he heard Jing was attacked, even though he was upset about it, hearing what Jing just said, he also couldn’t feel happy either. Zhuan Xu smiled “As long as you’re safe. Hurry back then! Your substitute is gravely injured and all of Qing Qiu is a mess.”

Xiao Yao pleaded “Gege, I want to be alone with Jing for a bit, just a little bit.”

Zhuan Xu smiled and vaulted on the winged ride “I’ll head back and Xiao Xiao will come pick you up in a bit.”

Xiao Yao watched Zhuan Xu leave before turning to Jing. He suddenly grabbed her in a tight embrace and his damp body immediately soaked her through. She hugged him back and lightly held onto him as if to give him warmth.

After a huge scare, Xiao Yao wasn’t in the mood to be angry at him anymore “I didn’t come see you not because I had someone else in my heart, but because I was unhappy. You said you would end the engagement, so what was that in the weapons store?”

“A friend invited Yi Yang and I to visit and that friend collects daggers so I went to buy a present and ran into Yi Yang on the street and she insisted on coming with me.”

“Did you bring up ending the engagement with Yi Yang?”

Jing answered “Yi Yang was becoming colder and colder to me and I wanted to find time to discuss with her about ending it, but after Feng Long’s birthday, she suddenly changed her attitude and was so solicitous of me. She even mentioned to my grandmother how she was often looked down upon as if hinting she wants to get married sooner. Grandmother always felt like she didn’t do enough for Yi Yang who suffered a lot, so she came to plead with me to give Yi Yang a title. Even if I like another girl, I can just marry another concubine.”

Xiao Yao pushed him “Dream on!”

Jing grabbed her quickly “I didn’t say yes! I couldn’t convince my grandmother so I went to talk to Yi Yang about her ending the engagement. I told her I liked someone else and wanted to cancel our engagement, I was willing to give her whatever compensation she wanted. But Yi Yang said she didn’t care how many women I married as long as she was my first wife.”

Xiao Yao laughed “Can’t imagine she’s so magnanimous! I think you should marry her and then later you marry your own harem and live in bliss!”

Jing said painfully “Xiao Yao, stop mocking me! Can’t you understand? Because she could care less about me, that is why she doesn’t care. All she wants is the title of the wife of the Tu Shan clan leader!”

Xiao Yao stopped smiling and asked “And then?”

“Yi Yang knew I wanted to end the engagement and went to cry in front of my grandmother. She reminded her that years ago her dad wanted to end the engagement and she put on her wedding dress and came to Qing Qiu. She never thought about leaving after that. If I want to kick her out, then she’ll kill herself because she wasn’t good enough for me. She said she was willing to serve the same husband with other women and be filial to grandmother….. Now grandmother thinks I’m the one being unreasonable and refuses to end the engagement. Yi Yang comes off as understanding and open-minded so grandmother is completely on her side.”

Xiao Yao asked “So you guys are stuck at an impasse?”

Jing nodded his head “I can’t end the engagement, they can’t force me to marry Yi Yang.”

Xiao Yao sighed – just like Zhuan Xu said, it would be very difficult for Jing to end the engagement.

Xiao Xiao whooshed past on her winged ring as if to remind Xiao Yao it was time to go back. Xiao Yao said “I promised you fifteen years. As long as you don’t marry, I’ll keep that promise. Don’t worry about Yi Yang for now. Gege said there was over a dozen assassins. Who do you think was behind it? Hou?”

“To assassinate me in Qing Qiu, it could only be him. But….” Jing furrowed his brow “My brother isn’t someone who is that rash. Why the sudden rash gesture? Since I returned he has been very careful around me, and the few tries he’s made have been very low key so no one can trace it back to him. Today something must have triggered him to go all out and try and kill me. Or maybe it’s not him?”

Xiao Yao said “Who cares if it’s him, just know that someone dared to assassinate you in broad daylight in Qing Qiu. Think about how to protect yourself! I used all that energy to save you years ago, it was not to let you go die now!”

“Don’t worry, I may not want to kill my brother, but I won’t let him harm me. He did so much this time I can use this chance to eliminate all his cohorts within the clan, which can also help Zhuan Xu so that people within my clan don’t cause problems for him.”

Xiao Yao said “Just be careful.”

Jing replied “I know.”

Xiao Xiao flew over again and Xiao Yao said “I need to go, if I don’t go back, Zhuan Xu will be angry.”

Xiao Yao waved Xiao Xiao down and vaulted on the winged ride.

Jing watched her completely disappear form sight before longingly leaving.


The next day, Xiao Yao learned from Zhuan Xu that this assassination was planned in detail and arrived in force. If Jing hadn’t used the substitute by coincidence, he might not have survived it.

A few days later, news broke that Tu Shan Jing would survive but there was no word on who was behind the assassination so this matter remained an unsolved mystery.

In private when Jing and Hou were alone, Hou arrogantly admitted he sent people to kill Jing and told Jing to get him back.

Jing didn’t have the heart to get rid of Hou but started clipping his wings.

During the investigation into the assassins, the shop owners of many Tu Shan clan businesses started getting replaced and this went on for three months before it ended.

The Tu Shan clan businesses extended through the vast wilderness and across all industries. Hou supported Cang Lin and Yu Yang so ever since Zhuan Xu arrived in the Middle Plains, the Tu Shan clan businesses kept tabs on Zhuan Xu and would try to undermine him.

This time Jing rearranged the clan businesses, it also took some pressure off Feng Long and Zhuan Xu.

Feng Long snuck into Sheng Nong Mountain and chuckled to Zhuan Xu “Jing’s assassination attempt was for the best! Hou doesn’t seem like such a moron but how did he do something so brainless this time? Totally out of character, like an angry woman at her wit’s end.”

Zhuan Xu laughed “You now say it was for the best, but when Jing was assassinated you said something else. An assassination if succeeded is a very powerful and deadly attack. Hou would have gotten rid of Jing and taken over the Tu Shan clan just like that.”

Xiao Yao listened to the conversation and suddenly flashed back to that day in the weapons shop and how Fang Feng Yi Yang pulled the bow back to shoot the test dummy. But upon closer analysis, if Jing died and Hou was the clan leader, Yi Yang would marry Jing’s plaque and live a life alone as the wife of the former leader. Only if Jing was alive would she get whatever she wanted.

Xiao Yao shook her head. It couldn’t be Yi Yang!

Xiao Yao berated herself to not think badly of Yi Yang just because of Jing. Yi Yang may not love Jing but she was engaged to him and wouldn’t resort to killing him.


Zhi Jin Peak, a bright and glorious morning.

Xiao Yao was tending to the fire pit and her face was bright red with sweat dotting her forehead.

She felt the time was right and put on her gloves before opening the cover of the pot to take out the mold. She put it inside a pail of ice water until the mold solidified. Xiao Yao poured the mold out and individual mold pieces tumbled on the table, some pink, others green, and even yellow.

Zhuan Xu walked into this “medicine making room” and saw Xiao Yao intent on her work. He said nothing and stood in the corner to watch quietly. There were colorful molds strewn all over the table but the shapes were odd. Some looked like flower petals, others like leaves, he really couldn’t figure out what she was making.

Xiao Yao took out a rectangular glass plate, it was dark on both ends and white in the middle like the backdrop of an ink portrait without nothing on it.

Xiao Yao used a brush and covered the white part once with a liquid.

Xiao Yao washed her hands and then put it in the ice water for some time before wiping it with a clean cloth. She then picked up the molds from earlier and used a small paring knife to start carving the molds. She finished one and would put it on the plate as if she was painting on it.

Zhuan Xu was curious so walked over and he saw Xiao Yao’s slender fingers expertly at work and gradually the white plate was covered with a green lily frond and there was dew on it that appeared like it was about to slide off. A pink lily appeared and the yellow nectar inside formed. Within the lilies two salmon peeked out from under the water shyly.

The entire morning passed and an entire salmon frolicking in a lily pond tableau was created. Other than having no sound, everything was there even the scent of the lilies.

Xiao Yao stared at it intently and then smiled in satisfaction.

Zhuan Xu clapped “Scent, visuals, and taste – it’s all there. Makes me want to take a bite.”

Xiao Yao made a face at him “It’s all poison.”

Zhuan Xu shook his head “Can’t figure out what this weird hobby of yours is. Who makes poisons into a delicacy. Your poison making room is pretty much a kitchen.”

Xiao Yao carefully picked up the plate and put it inside a box before shutting it and wrapping it up in a cloth.

Zhuan Xu asked warily “You can’t be giving that to someone?”

Xiao Yao laughed “Secret.”

Zhuan Xu sighed “I can’t decide if you like this person, or hate this person.”

After a morning of sitting Xiao Yao’s back ached and she rubbed her back and asked “How come you have time to come watch me make poisons?”

Zhuan Xu said “I have something to discuss with you.”

Xiao Yao got serious “Go ahead.”

“Feng Long invited you out a couple of times and you turned him down every time?”

“Yup.” Xiao Yao’s eyes twirled and she asked “You want me to say yes?”

Zhaun Xu nodded. Xiao Yao didn’t understand “Isn’t there Xing Yue? If you want to announce a marriage alliance, it’s enough for you to marry Xing Yue!”

“Xing Yue is Xing Yue, her last name is Sheng Nong. Feng Long is Feng Long, his last name is Chi Sui and he’s the next Chi Sui clan leader. You are you, carrying the bloodlines of the Yellow Emperor and the Grand Emperor.”

Xiao Yao furrowed her brows “You can’t be wanting me to marry Feng Long?”

“What’s wrong with Feng Long?” Zhuan Xu was confused now – Tu Shan Jing was engaged, Fang Feng Bei was a profligate spare son, compared to both guys Feng Long was so much better. He was powerful and talented with a great family background. Yet Xiao Yas would rather spend all her time with Fang Feng Bei wandering the desolate mountainside looking at wild flowers instead of going with Feng Long to regal Sheng Nong mountain to view the famed peonies.

Xiao Yao chuckled “If I tell you the truth, you promise not to throttle me?”

“It can’t be good, but fine, I promise not to throttle you.”

Xiao Yao giggled “There is nothing wrong with Feng Long, other than he reminds me of you. He’s too calculating about everything. If he wants to meet me, it’s not because he thinks I’m all that wonderful, its merely that he’s weighed all the girls around him and decided I’m the most suited to be his wife.”

Zhaun Xu was exasperated and pretend to deck her. “Because he’s like me, so you don’t want him?”

Xiao Yao ducked “You said you wouldn’t beat me.”

Zhuan Xu still bopped her on the head “In his position, he is not allowed to not be calculating. Even if he measures and weighs everything, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t have sincere feelings as well.”

Xiao Yao pouted “Are you seriously trying to help him? Are you my brother or his brother?”

Zhaun Xu sighed “Of course I’m your Gege, and if you really don’t like him then I won’t push. Plus I can’t push even if I wanted to. But for my sake at least try to give the guy a bit of face. Xing Yue has already asked me to help many times, and Feng Long is pretty prideful and can’t ask me directly but indicated enough he wants my help.”

Xiao Yao thought about it and asked “Do you need Feng Long’s help in the Middle Plains?”

Zhuan Xu nodded and then pulled Xiao Yao into his arms in a tight embrace before leaning down and whispering in her ear “I’m secretly assembling an army.”

Xiao Yao sucked in her breath and almost forgot to breathe.

There was a lot of money needed to renovate the Palace and Tu Shan clan supplying the material can offer different prices to skim off the top, so Zhuan Xu had the funds to build an army. The workers coming and going allowed the soldiers to sneak in as well. Sheng Nong Mountain was thousands of miles vast with so many places to create a spiritual barrier maze to hide a secret army. In the Middle Plains, he could quietly without detection build an army, and with Zhuan Xu’s personality, this allowed him to not wholly rely on Feng Long here.

This would be the ideal path, but if their grandfather found out…..it would be the death penalty!

Xiao Yao stared at Zhuan Xu but he just smiled with complete conviction in his eyes.

Zhuan Xu explained “The Four Great Clans have survived tens of thousands of years by keeping their bloodlines flowing with one main principle – do not get involved in any political battles. That suits someone like Jing, but it hampers someone with ambition like Feng Long. He is already sick and tired of his clan elders nagging. I need Feng Long, but he also needs me. With a sage ruler, but without a wise official, no great deeds can be accomplished; without a sage ruler, even the wisest official can have no future. Only when a sage ruler pairs with a wise official can an empire be built that will last for generations.”

Xiao Yao said “I’ll treat Feng Long as a friend, meet him, chat, even go play. I can do all that, but I will never marry him.”

Zhuan Xu laughed “That’s more than enough. What happens in the future no one will know so let’s just wait and see!”

Xiao Yao smiled “I’ll go find him in the next few days.”

Zhuan Xu softly coughed “Xing Yue invited you to go stay at the Little Zhu Rong residence for a bit.”

Whether it was Feng Long’s desire, or Xing Yue’s own plans, but when it came to matchmaking her brother and Xiao Yao, she was going all out.

Xiao Yao asked “Zhuan Xu, will you marry Xing Yue?”

Zhuan Xu thought about it and said “Depends on her! If she wants, I’ll marry her. She is the descendant of the Sheng Nong royal family, marrying her gives legitimacy to me with the people of the Middle Plains. To rule the world, one needs to use force and to use persuasion. Force is to subdue everything with might, persuasion might seem unnecessary but is actually a must as well.”

Xiao Yao sighed “Since my future sister-in-law is inviting me, then I’ll go and start getting on good terms with her.”

Zhuan Xu stared at Xiao Yao and his eyes showed his conflicted emotions.

Xiao Yao asked “Did I say anything wrong?”

Zhuan Xu lowered his eyes and said with a laugh “If I knew you would use this reason to agree, I wouldn’t have wasted my time trying to convince you and even told you all my secret plans.”

“Too late to regret it! I’m going out for a bit so tell Shan Hu to pack my belongings and I’ll go to Xing Yue’s tomorrow.” Xiao Yao pushed Zhuan Xu out the door “This ‘kitchen’ of mine is full of poison so when I’m not here don’t go in.”


A dance hall, a dancer was gracefully dancing.

Xiao Yao smiled and placed a white wrapped box in front of Fang Feng Bei.

Bei glanced over it and drawled “What’s that?”

Xiao Yao said “You open it.”

Bei shook his cup “I’m drinking right now.”

Xiao Yao clenched her fist – be patient, be patient, be patient! She released her fist and opened the cloth cover over the box.

Bei was still uninterested and continued drinking his wine and watching the dancer dancing.

Xiao Yao had no choice but to open the box herself. When she made it, to create the scent of the lilies she spent a lot of time on it. Right now the scent of the lilies were lost in the pungent odor of the food and the perfumes around them so it wasn’t noticeable anymore.

Xiao Yao rushed here excitedly with a whole bellyful of things she wanted to say to him. She wanted to boast about how she made the poison lilies, how she made the leaf covers, but now the entire salmon frolicking in lilies tableau turned dim and she didn’t feel like saying anything anymore. She picked up her wine and started drinking and pouting.

Bei finally turned his gaze from the dancer to the table and checked out the tableau on the glass plate. It was delicate and full of life, the colors vibrant and the items exquisitely rendered.

Bei stared for some time before picking up a chopstick and eating a lily frond.

One bite after another, one lily frond, one salmon, one lily…..slowly he ate the entire salmon frolicking in lilies tableau.

Xiao Yao gaped at him “You….don’t stuff yourself silly.”

Bei shot her a look and she immediately shut up.

Bei ate the final bite and put down his chopstick. He took a sip of wine and casually said “Not bad.”

Xiao Yao stared at the empty plate and her heart soared “The only person who can make poisons this tasty in the entire world is me!”

Bei laughed back “And the only person in the entire world who can appreciate your great “cooking” talents is me!”

Xiao Yao sassed back “It’s enough to have a true soulmate.”

Bei gave her a half-smile but said nothing.

Xiao Yao asked “Can you continue teaching me archery now?” What she really meant to ask was – are you not angry at me anymore?

Bei finished his wine “I need to leave for a bit, wait for me to come back.”

Xiao Yao figured he was going back to Qing Shui town. Even if there was no active warfare, he was still the General of the Sheng Nong resistance army and there was much he had to do.

Xiao Yao couldn’t help it and sighed loudly and murmured “If only you can forever be Fang Feng Bei, that would be so great!”

Bei appeared not to have heard her as he set down his wine cup and got up to leave, his form disappearing in the layers of curtains.


Lost You Forever Chapter 19: Standing Out in the Wind All Night — 85 Comments

  1. Thank you.

    This chapter makes me feel so confused. I have come to terms with each characters but just reading it brusquely makes my heart ache. The emotions behind each words just eats at the heart and I feel this chapter will be needed to be reread a few times so I can digest everything.

    • The girl he lives was jealous of another girl for another man.

      She made him buy the bow to upset Jing. He knows her, he’s proven that he’ll spend his last dime on her, but not to help her get back at another man. He would have happily bought the bow for her if she wanted it, but not because she wanted it to piss Jing off.

      • omg thank you for the excellent and complete explanation, when koala started posting this book i couldn’t wait for the translations and finished the entire trilogy in chinese within 2 days. and this is one of the chapters i couldn’t really understand but was too impatient to slowly digest.


      • It’s not Xiao Yao want to make Jing jealous, she just can’t stand Jing “listening” to his wife. Xiao Yao was jealous herself, so any man can pay for her at that moment but Jing.

        But by having FBB pay at the time, it’s the same meaning as FBB = any man, and FBB/XL is NOT just any man. So in a way, Xiao Yao indirectly insulted him as a man, and her relationship with her. That he’s just any man to her.

      • It’s been a while since I read this but my interpretation is slightly different, something similar to Annie’s. Xiaoyao wasn’t trying to make Jing jealous. She was upset with FFYY because FFYY has no qualms of making Jing pay for her purchases as well as that of her brother’s as though she is entitled to, even though she is secretly disgusted by Jing. If anything, Xiaoyao is actually standing up for Jing, even though he probably doesn’t mind. Moreover,if Jing ended up paying for her bow, it would make her seem like a recipient of FFYY’s “benevolence” even though Xiaoyao is the person Jing loves…sort of making Xiaoyao secondary to FFYY. Hope I am making sense. Lol.

        And Bei is therefore upset because he knew of her intention. Because Bei knew Xiaoyao is bothered and used him as a ruse. And he is not just any man…he would rather give the money away..

    • Ps: I hurt for him in this scene. It makes my heart break for him to see how she treats him at moments like this. She’s all he has in his heart and he’s a passing distraction for her in this moment.

      • @question me too!!! I love when they’re together, but as soon as Jing appears it seems she always does something like this to unintentionally hurt Xiang Liu because she wants Jing to be jealous xD

      • agree with @gemini93 that what she does is somewhat unintentional. She forgot that Xiang Liu is also a human with feelings.

      • Could she really knows Xiang Liu has feelings for her like Koala said? I never considered this possibility because the girl wasn’t even aware of the other person’s obvious love.

        IF she really knew, I can say that she is one cruel, cold girl. Very practical indeed.

      • But I don’t think she considers him as a passing distraction. I think it may started out, maybe even still now, but I think that in the future he will occupy a place in her heart. If he just one day disappears, she will miss him.

  2. I love you Koala! You’re always updating in such a timely fashion to suffice my crave!! Thank you, thank you!! <3
    I think I'm too dense that I have a hard time understanding Xiang Liu's emotions and actions sometimes. Lol I always have to read a couple of times.
    I love the scene of Xiao Yao dying of laughter because he got angry with her for wanting to pay. Too cute! Gentleman Bei 🙂 Another favorite scene is Xiao Yao excitedly wanting to tell him how she made the poison, but he acted like he could care less, then they bicker about complimenting one another, she gives and he takes & she says it's enough for them to be soulmates! Oh, what a tease that line is! But my ultimate favorite is her wish of wanting him to be Fang Feng Bei forever!! ~Kyaaaa

  3. I know this is suppose to be poignant and all. But reading this, I can’t help but feel how funny it is that Xiang Liu is like basically friend-zoned. One minute, you’re out having fun being all chummy with a girl, the next minute you get pushed aside by a guy who is already coming with another girl in tow. This would be a great romantic comedy if we twist a few (a lot) things around.

    • If this is romantic comedy XL will get the girl. Yay!
      And Jing is a jerk for making the girl wait while he goes & parade his fiancée

      • I don’t think he’s parading her around. I think she’s making it clear to him and the world he’s hers.

        She stepped up her game after the party because she was put down for her lack status.

        I’m a FFB shipper (note not XL) but I feel for Jing. FFYY and his grandmother are leading him around by the balls.

      • i find xiao yao unreasonable sometimes. she knows how jing ended up with a fiancee, it wasnt love at first sight. she well knows how loyal jing is to her . jing is fighting with his safety and business everyday and also thinking of xiao yao. he doesnt go around having fun like xiao yao with ffb. if he ends up going around with yiyang , it wasnt because he wanted to, either d grandmother or yi yang herself push it. whereas xiao yao just has all d freedom to spend time with xl whenever xl is ffb.
        so really, xiao yao should be more understanding. she has both the fun and care of two men.i think the only thing that jing is at fault is, the 15 year promise.
        as for zhuan xu, he’s bad for me , using his sisterly relationship to advance his plans. he’s acting like a pimp asking xiao yao to please or deal with men for him to get the benefit.

      • neyan, I also think that she lacks understanding too, or rather her expectation of devotion from a lover is so high and complete that it may seem unreasonable. It’s probably the result of being so alone for hundreds of years so she can’t help but desire complete devotion so at least she can no longer fear of being alone like that ever again.

        Xiao Yao is a classic case of a girl got so hurt by experience in life and instead of pursuing romance and passion, she seeks the lack of abandonment and loneliness, the safer option.

      • you’re right, good. thing she has that issues coz if not, jing might be really dead. d only reason he’s unharmed now is because xiao yao didnt come to him when he summoned her to cao peak with that little fox.
        and knowing how patient jing and love her so much just like in the beach , he waited.

        im feeling a little nervous when xy brought zx with her to cao peak. that’s their secret place jing~xy.

  4. Thanks for another chapter!

    I was a bit confused about the bow scene. After reading the comments I get why XL was angry, but why didn’t XY want Jing to pay for the bow? Was it because it was YY asking it of him or because she thought he shouldn’t pay for something she’s been sharing with another man?

    • Because it was Yi Yang who asked Jing to pay it. Yi Yang was trying to be the wily girlfriend asking her boyfriend to pay for her friends/family. By asking Jing to pay for her brother’s and his friends’ purchase, she was basically trying to make a statement about their public engagement. If Xiao Yao didn’t interrupt, Jing would have probably bought the bow for them. If he didn’t, he would seem stingy as a fiancee. But I think the more important factor is that it would not give Yi Yang “face” and he would not humiliate her in front of her brother. Basically, Xiao Yao was jealous.

      • Thanks for the explanation!! Now I understand what XY was feeling…

        I love how complicated all the relationships are! There are so many feelings and consequences involved in every decision, every gesture, every word… When I read this book again I’ll probably find something different everytime…

      • I think more so the reason that Xiao Yao didn’t want Jing to pay for her bow, is to indirectly tell Jing, “hey, I’ve got SOMEONE ELSE to pay for MY bow, I don’t need you, boo”. She was more thinking about her own situation than sparing a thought for YY-Jing.

    • Yeah, Lost You Forever is really like reverse harem for Xiao Yao. Makes sense because we only got ONE strong female lead. Of course, being such a great character, Xiao Yao makes up for the lack of other strong female leads.

      Actually, this is like the reduced version of Bu Bu Jing Xin with the love polygon more intense in terms of shipping. May be I am stretching it too far but let’s try to see it under this lense and see how it goes.

      The female lead chose 4th prince in BBJX because she wants a safe haven like how Xiao Yao chooses Jing.

      Xiang Liu is like 8th prince because they’re both representations of romantic/ideal love in their respective novel.

      I would say even though the female lead in BBJX is certainly jaded, she stills has some belief in love left. She may chose 4th prince in the beginning as a safe option but I think their love became sooooo passionate.

      While I dare to say that 4th prince is the ultimate male lead/love interest of BBJX and that 8th prince being the first love that meant to be doomed was so evident to me in the beginning, Tong Hua has really made love and shipping very complicated in Lost You Forever, an upgraded and more intense love polygon version if you will.

      As in while in BBJX we have 4th prince as both the safe option and THE PASSION, those two elements were split into two awesome male characters in Lost You Forever. What a headache! What a cautious girl gotta do? That’s why I think the shipping is so crazy in LYF. LYF was able to so compellingly convey three different types of love that are equally ship-worthy and intense in their own ways.

      Of course, I got my ship sailed in BBJX; in here, it hasn’t come yet…

  5. Jing is in a difficult place…he can’t step down because Hou would destroy the clan and because he’s clan leader he can’t get rid of Yi Yeng (who came in a wedding dress after Jing, who she never met, was thought dead but had already met Hou…SUSPECT FROM DAY ONE).

    Xiao Yao forgot Bei wasn’t ONLY Bei even if she would prefer he was…Xiang Liu is not who she is considering her soulmate but Xiang Liu without his armor as Bei. And Xiang Liu is upset because he is not in her eyes.

    Zhuan Xu is feeling the burn of only being her brother…she literally said I don’t like Feng Long because he reminds me of you while he tried to argue Feng Long’s feelings could still be sincere…but really speaking of himself lol

    In the end she only sees Jing as her future companion for life…I think without Jing she still wouldn’t choose the other two

    • That’s how i feel too. As much as i like Xiang liu, I still think XY only loves Jing. Ffb may be her soulmate..and they have chemistry together but its kinda like friendzone soulmate to me. I can tell clearly that xiangliu loves her in his own way, but XY only sees him as someone she has fun with, someone who understands her and makes her excited. Not as a lover romantically. And this actually makes me like xiao yao more. She promised to not let any man in her heart for 15years and she is keeping it at least for now. XY has lots of chances with XL or FFb, she rejected to kiss XL underwater even it nearly cost her life,and at the night Ffb was in her room at Gaoxing, she didn’t let FFB sucked her blood out of her neck, but her wrist only. I think I prefer a leading lady like this than the one who easily change heart. I’m wondering if it wasn’t XiaoLiu who saved Jing previously, they would probably meet later on at the day she’s known by the world as Gaoxing’s princess..will they still fall in love? Probably yes.

      • If she wasn’t Xiao Liu and met who as the Gao Xing’s princess?

        I think whether this refers to Xiang Liu or Jing, the answer is probably no.

        Xiang Liu = will never allow himself to fall in love with the enemy. Too level-headed for that.

        Jing – the reason Jing falls for her was because she saved him and showed him the kindness of humanity. If circumstances haven’t allowed it, he wouldn’t fall for her. She wouldn’t allow him into her heart either.

      • Don’t think she’s friend-zoned Xiang Liu like some of you said. She’s just putting him as a ‘2nd choice’ for now. She does have feelings for Xiang liu, except she’s trying (not so) hard to keep it under wraps & denying herself & Xiang Liu the chance to take it further.

        Yes, she’s lovely in that she’s sticking to her 15 years promise with Jing. But don’t forget, Gods live much longer than that, and 15 years is nothing but a short time which will soon come to pass. By that time, you’ll love Xiao Yao even more because she’s still sticking to her promise.

        She rejected the underwater kiss and bites on her neck is more likely due to her change in identity. She’s no longer a man, and in chinese context, a noble gal cannot let another guy get too close so freely, else she’ll be seen as a loose woman; not because she doesn’t like Xiang Liu. She doesn’t know what to think of & how to deal with him yet. She’s more lax with Jing, because yes, she loves him, and she knows she will be together with him in the ‘near’ future.

        And no. If she met either Jing or Xiang Liu as a princess, where Jing had not been injured, none of them would get a chance with her, as @Maira explained.

      • She likes xiang liu. Of course she does. But not love him romantically. She will miss him yes. She will sacrifice some things for him. Their relationship is complicated. But I don’t see a prove that she ever gives him a chance for a love relationship. Right after she refused kissing him underwater, she mentioned it herself that she wanted to kiss Jing and she acted on it. That time she’s already a princess. I already read all 3books. I know how incredible xiangliu is. Don’t get me wrong. I like and respect XL a lot. I don’t think anyone can dislike him after reading all the books. But to me, at least up until now, XY only showed her love to Jing even when he’s still engaged.

      • @kai2 you said you’ve read the books, but you say you don’t see she giving Xiang Liu a chance for love.


        Ermmm, did you forget about the’snowglobe’?

      • I disagreed with you. I think Xiao Yao like Xiang Liu deep down, but she wasn’t blatantly aware of her feeling. She know that Xiang Liu have the ability to make her heart sway, to make her fall in love, hence the scene where Xiang Liu came looking for her after her princess ceremony is so monumental. That scene solidify and clarify their entire past and future relationship the two can possibly have. It basically say that Xiang Liu might make her fall in love with him, but they can’t have a future together so he shouldn’t cross that line.

        Deep down, Xiang Liu already occupy a piece of her heart, and a corner of her mind. Xiao Yao rejecting Xiang Liu has two meaning for me. First, she is being “physically” loyal to Jing. Second, she doesn’t want Xiang Liu to cross that line with her, because once neither of them do, there is no going back.

      • @ Annie
        omg, I agree with you wholeheartedly. Xiang Liu and Xiao Yao’s relationship is like both are blatantly ignoring a big pink elephant in the room.

  6. Btw this chapter’s title : standing out in the wind all night? Refer to? Is it Jing when he’s waiting for XY all night at the mountain? Or ZX waiting for XY when she’s with Jing?

    • The title 风露立中宵 (fēng lù lì zhōng xiāo) is from the poem 绮怀 之十五 (Qi Huai #15) by Huang Jingren (黃景仁), a Qing Dynasty, Qianlong era poet. Qi Huai is a collection of 16 poems. Qi Huai #15 is a well-known Chinese love poem.

      The title probably refers to Xiao Yao and Tu Shan Jing’s fifteen years promise and the waiting it entails.

      The last line of the poem 三五年时三五月 (三五 means 3 fives, which is 15) can be roughly translated as “The time of fifteen years is that many times of full moons,” describing the pain of waiting.

      I think the title can describe all 3 male leads, but if you interpret it in terms of the poem, it refers to Jing.

      • Is any good soul who can translate the poem? I can’t speak Chinese and only gets by using Google Translate and knowledge of basic Chinese grammar and characters. This will helps me in editing the wikia page for this poem.

        绮怀 之十五 (Qi Huai #15)


      • @Maira Qi Huai itself refers to beautiful emotions, to the poet Huang Jingren thinks that the beauty of love lies in its loss and desperation of never ever finding it。 This is a seven (worded)-step poem.

        “Qi Huai 15” is loosely translated as:

        Blowing my flute underneath the flowers a couple of times,
        The milky way and the red wall seemed worlds apart.
        (notice, he used the sky and earth to emphasize on the great distance in between, the pain of being apart)
        The moment now is never the same as yesterday’s,
        Standing in the open gathering dew, for who.
        Buried deep in reminiscence like a dying firefly,
        Turning the hurt into resentment.
        15 years have many full moons,
        (referring back to the 1st line where him & his beloved sat under the flowers)
        It’s a pity the cups of wine never vanish.
        (meaning he’s still drinking to his sorrow)

  7. Maybe it was all these little signs of jealousy from Xiao Yao that prevents Xiang Liu from openly pursuing.
    -She didn’t want Xiang Liu to know the existent of Shi Qi and use him
    -She wouldn’t kiss him
    -She used him many times to make Jing jealous and he can tell she did on purpose (I would consider my feelings extinguished for the person by this point)

    So it may not just be because he’s Shennong Rebel Army General, but these actions from Xiao Yao shows that she prefers Jing. She has fun with Bei, but acts like a normal girl crushing on someone whenever she starts thinking of Jing.

    I have always hated characters that don’t understand the words “he’s/she’s not interested or ever want to be with you” and keep nagging and pursuing. It pains my heart but I see another reason why Xiang Liu would not want to profess his love.

    • Hmmm…. I’ve had the same thoughts initially too. In fact, at this point of the story, this may be one the reasons for the stranded relationship between Xiang Liu-Xiao Yao.

      Xiao Yao wouldn’t dare to think that the great general Xiang Liu will give up anything for her; while Xiang Liu knows Xiao Yao can have a better choice since he’s a mere demon afterall.

      That’s so unnervingly exciting. Lol.

      • I think that with Xiang Liu’s personality, if he does not have the baggage of the Shen Nong army and she was not the Gao Xing/ Xuan Yuan Princess, he would have chased after her. He would have fought for her even if she was with someone else or prefers someone else. He would not give up before trying his hardest to win her heart. I see him as a one-track kind of guy. When he sets his self on a path, he sees it to the end. Whether it is love or the battlefield (which is why he’s not leaving that failing army).

        I wonder on what level is Xiao Yao aware of her feelings for Xiang Liu that extends further than friendship? She sees him as a soulmate, a kindred spirit, but what about more? She admits to holding back in chapter 13 of Book 1 and he concurs. I think they walk that fine line, which is where the tension comes from. It definitely makes for sparkles and chemistry.

        On the other hand, Xiao Yao is very aware of her feelings for Jing. I think it is what makes their relationship so sweet, loving, and tender. Her times with Jing are not marked by what they are doing, but marked by the fact that they are together. Just being together is enough for them. Just notice how much of their time together is doing nothing but sitting and talking. Of course, this is also because they can’t openly go out but I think even when they were Ye Shi and Xiao Liu, they did pretty much nothing together. And it is definitely only Jing who makes her jealous when she see him with another woman. To be fair, she doesn’t take the dance hall girls around FFB seriously and she knows that marrying certain women is necessary for Zhuan Xu success.

      • @jennyannyen What level is Xiao Yao aware of her feelings for Xiang Liu that extends further than friendship?

        Can I raise your hope up by saying wait for it. There will be an(other) incident, and it will be very obvious.

    • 1). Xiao Yao was protective over Shi Qi in the beginning bc she saved him & wanted to protect him like her family. 2). Re-read cp 13 again,XY didn’t kiss XL not just bc she made the 15yrs promise to Jing. She was trying to warn XL & herself of the dangers of falling in love. However, she had just looked at her saved memories of XL & made him poison that she ended up carrying on her body to give to him. Even not knowing when she would see him 3). XY did not use “XL many times to make Jing jealous” re-read the chp 16 again “she didn’t come back just now for Jing, she came back because of Zhuan Xu!”. Also, if you pay close attention to what actually happened in the shop. When XY initially saw FFYF with Jing she didn’t even react & ” didn’t think it was a big deal so smiled back”. XY only got upset towards the end when FFYF tried to show off by making Jing pay for XY’s bow.

      I like how everyone already forgot that just in chp 17 alone, despite not knwing what FFB did in her family’s castle & being powerless herself. She was ready to suffer the consequences along with him & was only thinking about his wellbeing. In chp 18, XY was constantly thinking of FFB that even when she was with Jing, she could only think about him & projected her worries onto Jing. Which lead Jing to say that XY “didn’t have him in her eyes when she was kissing him”. It was not just a simple bc “XL passed air to XY many times” like some pl claim. At the Xin Yue’s party, despite Jing being there & it being a safe place for XL, the middle plains. XY was so worried that she ONLY had him in her eyes yet again! Only to realize that she was overreacting! She felt her heart lifted a burden when XL told her that it was his real face but the way she asked was so swoon XY “stared at him & gingerly asked”. If you remember the way Tong Hua described XL’s image under the sea in XY’s mirror. You would definitely know why she was worried it wasn’t it real face!!!

  8. Ok, this chapter is the critical point where My opinions shifts of Xiang Liu and Zhuan Xu.

    I have preferred Zhuan Xu over Xiang Liu up to now because I idealized Zhuang Xu and didn’t understand Xiang Liu. Although I always thought that there was more to Xiang Liu that meets the eye, I didn’t understand and thus couldn’t appreciate him.

    Fang Feng Bei spending his last dime on Xiao Yao, they simply played in poverty if he was short on cash, I can understand those feelings. Money or the lack of, never came in the way of true friendship and camaraderie.

    He was so angry and icy when Xiao Yao asked him to pay for the bow in front of Jing, that made me appreciate the Xiang Liu that was never seen. I love him in that scene.

    Zhuan Xu is going down a heartless path of no return this time round. When he regrets his actions around Xiao Yao in future, it will be all the more painful for him because he did this himself.

    As for Jing, I only wish to say, I love the cute little fox idea of following Xiao Yao around. It is so cute!

    Fang Feng Yi Yang, why so cruel? If you didn’t like Jing why don’t you let him go? He has suffered enough under the hands of his brother without you adding on to his anguish. Yi Yang is already a wealthy and privileged girl from a powerful family, she doesn’t have to be like this.

    • I wanted to hug the little magic fox too~ >.<
      As for FFYY, yes she's a total bitch. But every character has 2 sides, so wait for it.

      And… I think you'll understand Zhuan Xu in later parts. As least for me I came to have a like-hate relationship with the boy in the middle of the series. He has to do the things he did & will come to do. He is destined to do big things, and it's really sad for him to go down that path. In fact many times I think if he chose Xiao Yao instead, I really don't think they will be together in the end anyway, because he wouldn't have any power to protect her in the first place.

      • I agree with you. Up to this point in the novel, I never like ZX. If Koala didn’t say beforehand that he’s one of the male lead, I wouldn’t consider him one either. But later on, I really feel for him. I wish i could think, “serve him right, you reap what you sow”. But it’s never that simple. For ZX, it’s really “damn if you do, damn if you don’t.” His love for Xiao Yao is no less than the other male leads. Half (or even more) of the reason he even want the throne in the first place was because of Xiao Yao.

      • Although FFYY’s actions are understandable as we read on more about her story, by that time I’ve grown so sick of her character that it just doesn’t redeem her for me.

  9. This is sort of unrelated, but I love listening to “Xiang Ni de Xi Guan” by Xiao Yu whenever I read LYF (on my phone so it won’t let me copy the Chinese text xD) It really sets a perfect mood for me and I feel like the song really tells each of the male leads story with Xiao Yao (I can only rely on subs so hopefully it’s accurate) the first verse is Jing, chorus is Xiang Liu, and second verse is Zhuan Shu 🙂 what songs do you guys like to listen to when reading LYF or think is a suitable OST? 🙂

    • @diem
      wish koala could but she already explained in her previous post why she chose to translate LYF. Koala is extremely a busy person, with family, work and blog to juggle. these past few weeks she was so exhausted posting LYF chapters in short intervals. so we, who adored her, we her fans supported her to slow down and that we will gladly wait for her postings.
      It’s a great joy that she took this project already. its a good thing to request but i would trust her to choose which one to translate coz she knows what’s d best story out there! and with that , there is a hope that she will enjoy do

      • doing it and see it through d end. that would be epic of her!
        coz as many says, translating chinese to english and a literary piece at that , is not an easy task.

  10. when xl throw the money that xy gave in payment for the bow, d two beggars were extremely happy, xy sees and understand. What does it mean?

    d two beggars were jing and xy?

    • It mean Xiang Liu rather throw his money away or spend it on beggars than spending it on Xiao Yao. Because that money was Xiao Yao using him, so in a way he was indirectly telling her that she is even lower than the beggars in his eyes (at the moment), and also to let her know he’s really upset.

      • ooohh thanks! no wonder she pours all her effort in making that beautiful poison gift, to appease xl.

  11. I find it so cute how Xiao Yao made Fang Feng Bei mad at her and how she tried to make it up to him by presenting him a beautiful dish of poison. I love how he responded by giving her the cold shoulder at the beginning to make her nervous a bit before accepting her apology by eating what she made.

    Oh Zhuan Xu Zhuan Xu, do u really want Xiao Yao to marry Feng Long? It must hurt to push the girl you like onto another and talk about marriage! And ouch. Xiao Yao doesn’t like Feng Long because he’s too much like Zhuan Xu. Except Xiao Yao loves and will do anything for Zhuan Xu (except marry someone she doesn’t want to).

    And I’m curious about that mini nine tailed fox. Does Jing control it? Can Jing see Xiao Yao through it? Doesn’t seem so but it’s so fascinating. It’s like a pet as patient as Jing. The description sounds so cute that I also want to hug and cuddle it. Heh. =P

    • Based on what I’ve read in Book 3, I don’t think Jing can see through the fox’s eyes. He can conjure up the fox and get the fox to do things for him (such as enter into enclosed areas by passing through walls). I think the fox is a projection of his spiritual powers, and if the fox is injured, he gets injured too.

  12. Thanks, dear Koala once again! I have been so intrigued by the last two chapters and the insightful discussions accompanying them that I’m still savouring, pondering upon them and not posted any comments. Sounds crazy to be so mesmerized by a novel.

    Comparatively, this is a much shorter chapter, which allows me to consolidate my thots faster. I do like this chapter with much poignant FFB airtime, alas are we going to have another extended hiatus with this departure.. Just when the friends forever hang out for a year, we are quickly jolted back to the reality and forced to let go again of the ideal.

    I don’t really get why XY laughed so hard over the matter with FFB showing he insisted on spending on her no matter how his finances were.

    “Xiao Yao gradually understood what Xiang Liu meant – he wasn’t pretending to be Fang Feng Bei. He was just being himself.” I like this part. This is the real XL. He wants to live an ordinary and carefree life. Eat, play, enjoy life when and while he can. He needs to earn his keep to get by, like normal people do.

    It was so sad that the sweet moment at the archery shop was interrupted by FFYY and turned sour. Sigh.. Poor FFB used again by XY. I could almost feel the place freezing up and a chilly wind blow as he turned into ice.

    “Xiao Yao bit her lip and lowered her head, Xiang Liu was not just any man. She just made a huge huge mistake!” Could someone share thots on this? Did she just realize that he would be furious at being used, just like the last time at Xuan Yuan when she dropped him for Jing? Since she is not aware of his feelings, why is it THAT huge a mistake??

    And FFB, why did he accede and pay up for her? Seems like he didn’t want to make her lose face, ie. he still helped her and let her use him?!! I guess she didn’t realise the implications behind his reaction.

    “Xiao Yao stared at the two beggars who were weeping tears of joy and hugging each other, and she completely understood what Xiang Liu meant by doing that.” She DID?? What did she understand, surely not the jealousy. Alright, XL was furious about being used.. Umm so he has the money and is willing to spend on her, but in this case he would rather give his money away to make strangers happy.

    Jing and Zhuan Xu, both have hands tied, poor chaps and can’t be with their beloved XY. ZX is showing signs in the recent chapters of his non platonic interest. And here continues his use of XY and her willingness to be used. As if XY doesn’t have enough time slicing shared with the three male leads, now she has to play with FL too.

    My favourite scene is the last one. Wonder how long FFB has ignored XY since the furious bow incident. Clearly they both missed each other a lot. Look at XY’s painstaking efforts to create her masterpiece – beautiful, delicious and smells like the real thing! Hear that bellyful of things she had gotten ready to pour out of her heart! Look at poor XY opening up her own present for FFB to attract his attention! Naughty FFB played hard to get. When he could no longer keep his eyes away from the present, the very sight must have warmed his heart to see the extent she had missed him and he must be so pleased. Too bad he continues his skillful feeling concealment act. Haha next he wolfed down the entire plate of pretend jellies, with the taste and scent, the heart behind the ‘cooking’, his heart must be exploding with warmth, just the same way XY’s soared. Such soulmates with the twisted poison supplier-consumer relationship. He accepted the make up gift yet will not restore the happy companionship so soon. His self control is amazing, he just kept quiet and upped and left, goodness knows for long it will be. Indeed how wonderful if he could be FFB forever, XY would be content for her lifetime.

    Oops, another long one. Thanks everyone for sharing your POV. I enjoy this sharing of thots.

    • I will try to offer my 2cents to all your questions.

      1. Xiaoyao laughed so hard at night because she is amused that the high and mighty XiangLiu cares about petty little things like saving “face” in front of a girl. It makes him more human and so even if she didn’t dare laugh in his face, she had fun laughing when she is alone.

      2. Xiaoyao knew she has make a huge mistake because she realizes XiangLiu knows he is being used. And from her perspective, XiangLiu is not just any man, he is the great general, and he never hesitates in punishing her when he is crossed. Well this is what I think because I also think Xiaoyao doesn’t really realize just how much XiangLiu loves her.

      3. FFB paid for her even though he is mad because in that moment he is FFB in the eyes of the world, the second born without a care in the world. He is basically keeping up appearance.

      4.of course Xiaoyao understood the reason he gave away the money to the beggars, he makes it clear he knows what she is doing and he is not happy about it. He doesn’t mind spending money on her but not for another man.

  13. In a later chapter there was a semi-kind of monologue involing Xiang Liu, a crystal ball thingy with a mermaid inside, and poetic imagery of how they may be close, but ultimate there is a barrier between his and her world. Just like you said, they are parallel lines.

    But all 3 male leads (and even the ‘4th’ lead) are lovely characters with complexity (even Jing has layers, with battling against his responsibilities to his clan and his granny for his love, battling between his desire for Xiao Yao and his self-complex), and so every chapter is exciting to read, regardless of who gets a turn in the spotlight. Sometimes, 1 male lead’s spotlight can link so seamlessly to another male lead. <3 I love her writing!

  14. I read koalas translation and searched and read the chinese version. After reading the whole book, even though I like jing more. I feel for all the male leads.
    I felt that XY does have feelings for XL but since she knows from the start that he is ZX enemy, they can never be together therefore she has never considered him as her love interest but a friend. Due to her experience, she does not believe in promises. Even though she promise to wait for jing, she has never believe that he will keep the promise. She waits for the day he breaks the promise to prove herself right.
    XL loves XY but will never confess because he understands XY. XY has told him before that she seeks companian and hates to be alone. XL will never be able to give her that as he has his responsibilities. He can keep her company only when he has time.
    As for ZX, he loves XY but is willing to sacrifice her to meet his goal. XY ask for complete devotion and being the one and only which ZX will never be able to give her as he needs to achieve his goal. He is willing to let XY marry FL because he felt that other than himself, FL is worthy of her. XY is willing to sacrifice everything for ZX just because he is her gege, therefore she felt that he will do the same for her. XY will never consider him unless he gives up his goal.
    Jing loves XY because she does not care about outward appearances. I can’t say much here because the next few chapters is my favourite part between Jing and XY. Jing may seem dull but his devotion is just what XY needs.
    XY is a very interesting character. She is perceptive and smart but she hide it all in a facade of indifference or innocence. She knows her choices and actions have a bad consequence but she chose to do it sometimes to hurt herself or to deal with it when it happens. She prefers to take passive role in most things so she can run if required.
    Thanks koala for the great translation.

    • I wonder how they are going to shoot this thing. All the mystical creatures, powers, and epic fight scenes. It’s going to take a lot of CGI and while I enjoyed shows like the Xian Jian series, Xuan Yuan Jian (I even tried to link up the plots of these unrelated stories hahaha!), I would be disappointed if this epic story is spoilt by unrealistic CGI.

  15. Firstly, Thank you thank you Caltain K. You rocked! Also thank you all for commenting. I have to admit that I didn’t fully understand about FFB giving away the money. You guys helped clarify it for me.

    I have to say I love FFB/XL. He is so hot and such a badass. My brain wants Jing but my heart want XL all to myself. Can’t say much about Zhuan. If you never commented about him being one of the third lead I wouldn’t have noticed.

  16. Every chapter is enjoyable and this chapter is no exception. I also appreciate all the comments, explanation and analysis of scenes that help me understand the relationships of Xiao Yao with the 3 men better.

    Tong Hua is an excellent writer. Just the purchase of the archery scene alone already provides so much room for discussion and interpretation of what is the motive and feelings behind the action/words of each character in that scene. My take is that she is jealous and she makes use of FFB to show Jing her displeasure. FFB is angry with her and retaliates with giving her money to the beggars.

    Love the little nine-tailed fox!

  17. * sigh * Why are real Soulmates always complicated and rare ? XL is the bestest bff/soulmate ive ever ever read, i wish to have one

  18. By now, I am fascinated over Xiang Lu and Xiao Lu relationship. Feels like a lot of tension within waiting to explode in fiery passion. Jing is a very good man. But insofar, good but boring. Husband material though.

  19. It’s a shame you don’t have a donate button! I’d definitely donate to this fantastic blog! I suppose for now i’ll settle for book-marking and adding your RSS feed to my Google account. I look forward to fresh updates and will share this website with my Facebook group. Chat soon!

  20. For those who don’t understand Tong Hua’s subtle hints, unspoken words or underlying meanings. In chp 17, XY was thinking FFB & her “could’ve kept playing together FOREVER & ETERNITY” bc he made her feel like she could just be Wen Xiao Liu & he FFB, XL without the armor. The gravity of this revelation was greater than it seems. Especially since Tong Hua has done such a brilliant job in forcing us to look at not only what is being said or not between characters but also their body language. For ex, XY says she doesn’t want XL to walk into her dreams bc she’s scared but what have we seen her do since then? Despite only Jing being the one showing interest in XY, she subconsciously mentioned XL(Zhuan’s enemy) when her grandfather said she could “be with anyone she wanted”. This explained why XY was overly emotional & even pointing the arrow at FFB when she saw him for archery practice back in chp 16. Not sure how it’s not obvious but XY finds XL attractive & has had her heart stirred when he bit her in chp 7, when Xuan could feel it. There are things she only shares with him & only he can truly make her forget about her sadness bc only with him “she wouldn’t have time to think about anything else”. In chp 13, the way Tong Hua described XY’s saved imaged of XL under the sea. It makes us feel as though XY wanted to reach out & touch him but is too afraid to so, she’s resigned to just record “Xiang Liu’s white hair, white robe was so elegant & refined as he swam, the white hair billowing behind him, making his already handsome face even more ethereally beautiful”. Not sure how this doesn’t scream she’s totally in love with him & not just a friend! If you count saving beautiful images of her “friend” only in her precious mirror or getting turned on an appropriate feeling for “a friend” then yes!!!

    • Aaahh Gracias, gracias leyendo la novela en 2023 x que a mí no me van a dejar a medias. Sin duda es muy reconfortante saber más detalles. Conocer más a fondo los personajes y de la historia en si me llena de alegría y de sentimientos encontrados x una parte quiero que se quede con Jing pero Xiaou Liu es otro nivel jaja

  21. I really appreciate what you have done Ms. Koala. I started reading your translation while watching season 1 starring Yang Zi as Xiao Yao. IMO, the artists did a great job in portraying these characters (first time to watch Yang Zi). Plus, I enjoyed the interaction of the people reading your translation. Wish, I had been part of it, though I came nine years(?) too late. Not sure why you are not active anymore, I sure hope you will come back and translate more Chinese novels.

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