Kim Hyun Joong Releases Statement Claiming He has No Confirmation of Ex-girlfriend Pregnancy

The Kim Hyun Joong “soon to become a baby daddy and is getting married to reconciled ex-girlfriend” breaking news from yesterday has morphed into even more stunning developments that leave me shaking my head. This isn’t even about casting blame or supporting one side, I genuinely have no clue what is really going on, or whether the truth even matters whatever it turns out to be. After news broke yesterday that Women’s Sense magazine ran a story about Kim Hyun Joong getting married and having a baby with his ex-girlfriend who accused him of multiple cases of domestic violence last year, his agency KeyEast put a hold on releasing an official response until Kim Hyun Joong could be reached for his side of the story.

Today KeyEast put out an official statement that is not confirmation of “the happy couple are getting married and having a baby”, but more along the lines of throwing the other side under the bus. If there really is a baby coming and these two get married or even just co-parent together down the line, this is probably the lowest starting point in the history of bad relationship evers. KeyEast’s statement claims that Kim Hyun Joong and ex-girlfriend A did get back together after the legal matters were dropped in the summer of 2014 but broke up again by the end of year. Then shortly after the new year A reached out to tell Kim Hyun Joong that she was pregnant and then cut off all contact with him afterwards.

Kim Hyun Joong’s side claims they have still not been able to verify whether she’s pregnant. After A informed him of the pregnancy, the two sides including with the parents spoke on the phone and met in person multiple times to decide on a hospital for prenatal care but Kim Hyun Joong claims A rejected the selection and cut off contact with him. If she indeed is then Kim Hyun Joong will take all suitable responsibility. KeyEast concludes the statement by refuting the news that the couple are currently planning to wed. Since Kim Hyun Joong’s side has not been able to reach A or her parents, the news that the parents from both sides are planning the wedding already are false.

First of all, let this whole sordid mess be a nice public announcement about using protection and checking it twice. Beyond that, some relationships are just bad and no amount of breaking up and getting back together is ever going to fix it magically. Not sure whether A is really pregnant or not but if she is then good luck trying to figure out where to go from there. If this was a drama then it’s a really really uncomfortably bad one that I would have turned off way before now, but sadly for all involved it’s real life and one that’s unfolding in the public eye due to one participant being a public figure.


Kim Hyun Joong Releases Statement Claiming He has No Confirmation of Ex-girlfriend Pregnancy — 63 Comments

  1. Wooow that statement makes him come off really bad.. If she turns out to be pregnant he should just retire cuz that was career suicide move

    • I think she is sick… He has an admitted anger management problem, but I see her as a very manipulative person who is passive aggressive. If I were him, I’d have nothing to do with her.

      • Kim Hyun Joong should just get a better publicity spin team. His agency suck big time dealing with his scandals.

        He should really learn from Thumper… If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it at all.

        No one really cares if he’d take responsibility if and when he claims to receive verification of his girlfriend’s pregnancy or if he wears 2 pairs of left socks. But seriously he should just stop issuing dumb statements – no one wants to hear about the what why who how. Stop it already. Be a man and stop whining!

  2. What! I can’t even…
    His agency crisis mgt is beyond bad. They always seem to make things sound even worse for him.
    In scenarios like this they should just keep silent! Because either way he’s gonna look bad. I mean did he not want the baby or does deciding prenatal care includes DNA testing which could have possibly miffed A and parents.
    Gosh, I seriously think he’s so done

    • Apparently to Knet, it’s Sungmin of Super Junior. He betrayed his fandom by *gasp* getting marry to the love of his life. *Gasp* What a terrible thing Sungmin has done despite not hitting someone or cheating on his wife. I mean, what kind of idol is Sungmin and shame on him for actually wanting to live his life and getting in touch with realty. (All jokes aside, KHJ should get all of the negative bashing and not Sungmin. I feel bad for him and his wife. I read that someone found out his phone # and texted him negative comments and how he should watch out for his wife.)

      • It’s time for sungmin to retire from the idol world are pursue activities appropriate for a married man. And the fans need to get over that he’s no longer on the market

    • Title should be “Dangerous Love”, “Beating Heart”, “Beating Love”, or “Fighting for Love”.

      Synopsis: A popular idol falls in love with an ordinary college girl. Things turn astray when he had a change of heart. While the girl confronted him of his affairs, anger took control of him. Abuse became a habit of his and loneliness became a friend to her. After deciding to end her relationship with the idol, she realizes that she is pregnant with his child. Should she continue her relationship with him, becoming fearful of love or leave him to gain the capacity to be positive about life? Find out next week for more. This drama depicts the real life struggles and conflict minds of domestic violence.

  3. hE should marry her then
    but this makes one wonder about the fakeness of Korean Society then
    because it seems as if none of the idols have sex go out
    if t

      • i dont know but in most Asia counties, the protection is usually condom, women rarely use bills and other methods

      • Isn’t the Korean way of protection more like ‘I’ll pull out on time, I swear’?

        If she is pregnant, both got into this mess together. And if she is pregnant and uses the media spiel (again) like this, I’m suddenly starting to pitty KHJ. But just a little bit.

  4. I love your lead photo you picked out. I LOLed reading the headline and then his expression.
    Somehow all of his sexy has been tainted and he only looks PO’d and/or menacing.

    Maybe he needs to hire LiLo’s manager. LOL.

  5. Getting married is not the answer. Ok, so they do or don’t have a baby…time, DNA testing etc. will reveal everything. Putting them together in “marriage” is a big mistake. This is a toxic relationship that will not change regardless of whether they are dating or married or separated. I know that in Korean society being a single mother is “wrongfully” taboo, but the way this relationship is headed the future looks like it’s single/divorced/damaged/mother. The two should end things. He has court ordered visitation rights, and support and she leaves him alone. Both are at fault and although I’ve heard a lot about the cycle of abuse which is true, and a sad thing for people to be caught in…..I suspect that there is an abuse/manipulation cycle from both sides….

  6. Amen, sister! It’s sad enough when an abused child becomes an abuser adult; there is no way you should bring a child into this world without getting the help that you so desperately need. And if this is true, she needs help too. Here’s hoping it is not.

  7. I hope it isn’t true – for the baby’s sake.
    And NO definitely, they shouldn’t marry for the sake of the child. If it ended, it should stay like that.

    IF it’s true – she needs help/ re-setting of mindset and beliefs.

    And just saying – another way of looking at this is another mindgame: this new turn of events/news also has the ability to cast his gf into less favorable light as well.
    Like causing doubt, and showing she’s flakey to put him in ‘better’ light for wanting to be responsible. Or that she actually trusts him even to get back together.

    Korean society and their cultural idea of what’s right be damned. I spoke to a lady whose husband had beaten her up just 2 wks ago. She said friends from her (very traditional) cultural community kept asking her to return to him because he was such a nice sweet guy really, when he didn’t beat her up (5x). They also mentioned at least he provided, and there were far worse guys out there.
    She herself was psyching herself with that same argument within and trying to seek more validation from outside sources … saying he never touched their kid, was a nice decent providing husband otherwise and was only abusive when he was highly stressed.

  8. I Don’t know why the thought of him asking her to abort the baby crossed my mind. Hopefully this is not the reason for “no pregant confirmation”. I mean he pursued her during the trial so she could drop the case or receive lighter punishment. He succeded at the time. I wouldnt be surprised if he ‘s trying to pay her off to abort it. His agency’s response was low and bad PR all around. At least he didnt deny that they had sex when the case was still ongoing and before the police interrogated both. SMH!
    Khj ah, dont get love advice from yong joon hyung, he doesnt have good record either.

  9. As usual, KeyEast admits everything but downplays it all. Same thing as with the abuse scandal. So they did get back together and had sex, it’s just they won’t say she’s pregnant…meaning she probably is. Women’s Sense has a pretty good track record and Dispatch isn’t known for not knowing their shit.

    So it’s one of two things, she’s having a baby and he wanted to hide it or wanted her to get rid of it so she forced his hand…or she’s not having a baby and he’s totally innocent. I’ll go with he’s probably being shady and an asshole again. With a baby it’s going to come out eventually!

    I can’t with people feeling “bad” for him now. He did this shit to himself. Good on her for not letting it remain in the dark.

    • A baby doesn’t get conceived by its own. Whether KHJ and the mother have disagreements of pursuing the pregnancy or not at this time seems to be besides the point. She got back with him. And whether they had family and marriage planned in their immediate future, is the more obvious question, and the prudent action would have been perhaps to avoid pregnancy. At this point, there is nothing we can confirm but I’m starting to doubt that the onus of blame falls solely on KHJ’s lap anymore. Yes, he’s been an abusive partner and he should be punished for his acts. But besides that, him and his girlfriend seems to be deeply tangled in a dysfunctional relationship. It’s not farfetch to claim that KHJ is a victim too, solely on the grounds of being unable to purge himself out of a toxic relationship, regardless of his physical outbursts. And in lieu of being stuck to that kind of relationship, he’s unable to resolve his own emotional and mental issues (men don’t just grow up having the urge to beat women) and it only seems to perpetuate the same kind of abusive behavior, and thus the cycle doesn’t end.

      • Hi, I hope I don’t come off as rude, but I disagree with you. While I do agree that men with an abusive past ( whether they were abused or the abuser) deserve the proper, help and therapy to deal with their feelings, problems, insecurities, trauma’s,…you can’t blame the one who get beaten up. I personally know a lot of abused women who got beaten up for looking too good, got beaten up for looking too dowdy the next day,…got beaten up because they were too sweet or understanding and then got beaten up for being too harsh. It’s never good enough, they ‘learn’ they are never good enough, that it’s always their fault and all the while they grit their teeth, force an smile, give all their hard earned money to the guy and the kids and hope to be good enough, to ‘heal’ their abuser and be loved. Those women are stripped away from their own agency and independance. They are trapped between the abuser and society’s prejudice ( well you should have just left him and no we are not going to give you the proper help and support after you left the dude, it was your own fault anyway to be involved with him). All the power is all in the abuser’s hand. They are to one to terrorise and frighten the abused ones ( intentionally or not), never the way around. KHJ is rich, handsome, popular and powerful ( agency plus star power influence) enough to walk away from the woman ( plenty of young, pretty and naive girls who idealize him) but you probably can’t say the same about the girl, who on top of of being abused ( maybe pregnant) have to deal with gossip and rude comments accross the globe. She’s probably still conditioned to think he deserves all the chances, all the love and she’s the one who owes him that.

      • Yeah, don’t really think the person who is doing the abuse in the cycle of abuse is the victim. As much as people say SHE should have stayed away, that goes double for him since he had a lot more to prove. Get himself away from that situation and try to change. Get some counselling. Admit his wrong doings. By going back he proved he hadn’t done any of that. He’s the abuser in the situation and his actions take a much darker turn than hers. He’s going back not because he loves her, but because he wants power and control over her. He also probably thinks he never did anything wrong.

      • @ scientia
        Again, people are misinterpreting general comments like yours. Without bias, I’d say you had presented thoughtful views, Some of the posts or replies are misinterpreting your comment..and I suggest those ppl read your statements carefully before jumping into your own conclusions. And the rest of you – please get over your own personal angst and anger management issues / don’t play out your own emotions about abusers and abused victims over this case and other sincere commentators. It’s getting very tiring to get accused of “blaming the victim”, “supporting abuser” – like a broken record. Nobody is condoning abuse here and nobody is asking the girl to get pregnant. So please stop this drama and stop attacking mature ppl like scientia

      • There’s nothing wrong with mature people having a difference in opinion. The only person I see here attacking mature people is you.

        Anyway, I agree with Mel that KHJ created this mess himself. Why did he have to go back to her and worse, sleep with her. Yes, he played an active part with the surprise birthday event and Jeju Island Christmas vacation. Whilst instead, he should have stayed far far away from her.

      • Oh, and thanks to Dreamyklutz for sharing with us. We need to open our minds to what’s going on in the real world and learn from other people’s experiences. Some of us are just too fortunate to not have encountered such terrible stuff in our own lives.

      • he made the relationship toxic by beating her, but HE is the victim of the toxic relationship? Huh?

      • Physical abuse doesn’t happen in a vacuum. I’m of the belief that KHJ does not take pleasure in beating women, much more his girlfriend. I believe that he is hurting himself just as much as he physically hurts his girlfriend by doing it so. I especially believe that KHJ does not physically hurt his girlfriend in a premeditated manner nor does he have any other malicious intent. I believe that the likelier reason for his physical outbursts are predicated within the context of his relationship with her, ie. it’s an impulse that manifests itself during arguments/altercations. I also believe that KHJ have existing issues of his own and that is further exacerbated with his relationship with her. This relationship obviously brings the worse out of KHJ, and though we the public are largely unaware of A nor are we privy of their relationship, I would surmise that KHJ doesn’t bring the best out of her either. If a relationship only inspires the worse out of each other, then that relationship is toxic. The relationship isn’t toxic just because KHJ physically hurts A. It would have been toxic in spite of, and needs not reach to that point (of physical abuse). KHJ’s physical outbursts is a manifestation of that toxic relationship. KHJ is therefore a victim of this toxic relationship, as much as A is in that context.

  10. I was flabbergasted the first time you posted about this case and it only got more tragic. My first concern goes to the woman, being in an abusive, toxic relationship is damaging and painful as it is, but for the globe to see? I really hope she get all the help and support so she can make the best possible decisions concerning the baby, whether to keep it or abort it.

    • *applause*
      Everyone is so quick to judge the girl. No one truly understands how it feels to be in an abusive relationship. I hope the truth comes out soon and that we stop pointing fingers at people.

  11. Sounds like this girl cannot let him go, She sure likes to go public with their personal business. She is trouble. I don’t condone him hitting her, but she is scary.

    • The newslet outed/ digged the story, we don’t even have a full photo of her face and name of her, how is that going public?

    • It seems like he couldn’t let her go too. After all the bad stuff that’s happened, all the damage to his reputation & career, why seek her out? Why continue their relationship? Why sleep with her?

      • Oh please!! It takes two to tango.. “They had sex” both of them.. He didn’t have sex with himself,she let him sleep with her. So direct those questions to her too!!

      • That’s why I said (in response to scbound) not only the girl could not let him go, it seems like he couldn’t let her go TOO. So you see, BOTH parties could not let go!

        No doubt it takes two to tango, but isn’t the lead taken by one of the two? The question now is who? I don’t think anyone knows the answer.

        But just to make you happy… After all the bad stuff that happened, all the physical and mental injuries, why continue their relationship? Why let him sleep with her?

        However, regardless of whether the questions are directed to him or her, I doubt that they will want to answer me!

        And BTW, on KHJ’s fansites, his fans have the same questions, because logically, he should avoid her like the plague!

      • She didn’t want him totally cut off from her. He has to show something to earn that apology. So he apologize publicly, written one I think, made birthday event, took her trip to Jeju and I forgot what else he did for her,umm yeah, sleep with her. He was proactive to make her forgive him. So avoiding her was not a good option.

  12. I don’t know but… I thought she was falling back into the cycle when she dropped charges after his “apology”. It seems like she did go back. Something woke her up completely to have her “cut off all contact”. For my friend, it was getting pregnant by her abuser. Suddenly, there was a life she had to protect. She might have felt she deserved whatever he was dishing out but this baby was innocent. It looks like it might have been the same scenario with this girl and KHJ. I hope she stays out of contact with him. Whether she is pregnant or not or keeps it or not, all her choice. Dropping him like a hot potato is the best one she’s made so far.

      • Pitiful – adj: deserving or causing feelings of pity

        Pity – noun: 1.the feeling of sorrow and compassion caused by the suffering and misfortunes of others.
        2.a cause for regret or disappointment.

        Pity – verb: feel sorrow for the misfortunes of

        I, too, find her pitiful. I am sorry that she had the misfortune to fall for an abusive and manipulative man. I pity her lack of esteem to escape. I pity her the hurtful and misunderstood comments on her personal life and complicated situation she now finds herself in. I pity all of us who have tried to find their feet again in our victim-blaming society.

  13. She’s not wise how will u sleep with a man without condom n don’t take pills I believe that the way u present ur self 2 people that’s the way they will treat u men are also human beings he has conscience maybe they should both work on their attitude and change their ways Congrats I liked him in playfull kiss so I wish him Hard Luck

  14. This is one of the craziest relationship dramas to come out k-ent in recent years after the whole Lee Ji Ah and Seo Tae Ji… Congrats Kim hyun if you’re going to be a father if not, at least you have that career…o wait…

  15. So, if she reached out to him to tell him she was pregnant and even parents talked before, did KHJ just forget that until the news broke out? He didn’t care when he heard about the child? It’s true though that we wouldn’t know if he did or didn’t.

    What is happening with this? This just gets weirder and weirder.

  16. @ Shue Fei: Hi, I’m one of the repliers ( and disagreed with scientia) and I do want to admit ( as most of you can probably tell) that English is not my first language, so misinterpretating can be the case here, in which case, I will apologize to scienta. I never disagreed with scientia that abusers ( in this case KHJ) need all the professional and emotional help/support and that they are victims too, but they need to be accountable for their actions and fully realize the damage they inflict as well, otherwise they keep doing it. For example when criminals ( murderers, violent robbersetc) are considered for parole, pyschologists, pyschiaters, criminologists take evaluations to (e.g) see whether they feel remorseful, guilty and accountable for their actions, if not, there is a high chance they will do the same thing again. KHJ deserves understanding and compassion, but he really needs to be held accountable for his actions as well, that’s part of counseling, for the abusers and abused ones. Of course I know that abused people are no perfect, pure innocent angels, that they can make mistakes and wrong choices, but no one deserves to be beaten up and then told it’s their fault and their problem to deal with. Everyone deserves second chances, compassion and support, abusers and abused ones. Fully agree on that.

    Secondly, I’m the first one to admit that I’m sensitive and emotional ( hence long,rant-y post and this defensive post in particular) but I’m not angry, nor did I want to attack people. I’m sorry if I sounded like that to you/ and anybody feeling offended, please correct me if I stated something wrong. I’m aware that my feelings are intensified because I’m familiar with the subject but I’m still in uni so I kind of need to keep my head cool and my brain intact in order to think rational and pass tests;). I have several friends who studies pyschology ( they all come from a happy, loving family) and all them were horrified when they first saw pictures of abused people ( kids, men, woman) and some even threw up after class because they had no prior experiences/ knowledge with and about domestic violence and they told me that the whole aula was silent and uncomfortable ( some students were even crying in silence. So no, you don’t have to be personal involved or have personal issues to feel something for the victims, it just happens sometimes ;).

    @Febe, thank you for the compliment, but you give me way too much credit 😉 I’m merely exercising my freedom of speech, I don’t think I possess enough knowlegde to be fully educated about this subject matter, much less educate other people about it ( or tell them how to feel or think about it).

  17. >>> psychologists, psychiatrists, criminologists take evaluations to see if they’re remorseful, guilty and accountable for their actions …

    Yup on paper. Even counselling – it’s doubtful how effective sometimes esp when the person administering it is uncreative.
    These people administer stuff that is fairly predictable – give the answer you know/think people want to hear, simple.

    The hardcore lot are normally manipulative strategists. They know what it takes to come across as reformed repentatn folk.
    They’re not stupid. They’re also fairly creative – family visitation, and drugs get smuggled in their baby’s diapers.

    They say the right things, and they get out. Only to reoffend, and reoffend again and again.

  18. You reject prenatal care when you don’t want a doctor to publicly confirm that you are NOT pregnant.
    You show proof that a man abused you several times, at the same time claiming that you only want a public apology. You get the apology and get back with said abuser.
    I detest men that are weak enough to hit women, but i also detest women who are manipulative and vindictive when jilted.
    Not every relationship ends in marriage.
    Coming from someone with a male sibling who went through hell at the hands of an ex-girlfriend who faked two pregnancies (then miscarriages) just to make sure he stayed with her.

    • You said what was on my mind. They were already talking about the pregnancy in private. Then her side published happily ever after version story which promptly got refuted. Why? Because, he broke up with her again as soon as he got off with a lighter sentence.
      He used everything in his power and money to earn that apology including trips and events and yes sex. She got her shallow apology.

  19. I would like to dissent in here that KHJ have anything left to prove. KHJ has already been stripped naked in the public. There is nothing else he could or should do to prove anything, as if it’s going to improve his image or undo things that have already been done. What is left for him to do is simply take responsibility. Whether the public opinion changes afterwards is left for the fortune tellers to prophesize.

    If A is indeed pregnant and KHJ reached out and offered prenatal care, then that to me is taking responsibility. He doesn’t have to marry her, heck he doesn’t even need to get back with her, but he could very much give her at the very least financial support. So I don’t see what the brouhaha is about if he offered to support the prenatal care (at this point)–that’s the basics for parenting 101 (despite doubts of him even ever be able to play an active role parenting his own child, if pregnancy is indeed true–he is outside looking in, at this point).

    Did KHJ ask for all of this? Maybe, maybe not. But that is besides the point. Like I’ve said earlier, and I would reiterate again, the baby cannot be conceived by its own. Two conseting adults in a relationship made it possible (if pregnancy is indeed true). The concern here is whether A have any desire to receive support from KHJ, and if not, then what’s the whole point of reaching out to him? A couresty call maybe? Regardless, that doesn’t lift the burden off from KHJ to do something about it and assume responsibility. Wherever direction this tale leads to, one thing is to be certain: KHJ and A were in a relationship, no matter how dysfunctional, both have equal responsibility for the actions that they take. KHJ hit her and she made a public outcry about it, eventually she forgave him and they got back together. Free will has been exercised.

    I’m all about supporting the victim and definitely am not “victim blaming” but I’m a firm believer that we too should not coddle victims and feed them a mentality that everything that had happened is outside of their hands. To insinuate that they are merely in the passenger seat of their own lives, is to me, stripping them off their agency. They should take firm hold of their own lives and we (the people surrounding them ) should not enable anymore a self-loathing mentality. It only breeds more dependency and disables the agents from exercising their own will and only pushes them back in rather than rising off that crevice of victimhood.

    Empower the victim, don’t just symphatize.

  20. I don’t even know what to say.
    As a former fan of his, I’m in awe and sadness.
    We can dissect the situation and berate both parties but at the end of the day, I just hope the child won’t have to suffer because of its parents’ mistakes and actions.

  21. This an awfully messy relationship! Miss A gets physically hurt (abused) she files for assault charges against him. He later admits it, she then withdraws her charges, accepting his apologies and was there financial exchange made (I can’t remember).

    Then they got back together again !!!!! WTF

    I can’t speak for either of them, but you’d think that after she suffered physical abuse enough to receive hospital treatment for a broken rib, why o why would you want to get back with the guy?!!!!

    For him no matter how sorry you are for hurting your ex-girlfriend why o why would you get back together with her, when clearly you don’t love her enough to care for her as your precious person. because you wouldn’t hurt her in the first place if you really care and secondly what kind of statement is the possibly daddy to be to make out that if its true then he’d take responsibility (poor fetus that was created under such unfortunate circumstances, both parents are irresponsible imo).

    Seriously if I were miss A parents I would sit her down and tell her that she must value herself, stop going after an abusive relationship, it should of ended with the charges and the apologies.

    She really likes to live out her life in the spotlight, I mean I thought she was brave before for coming out about the abuse, but now to have media coverage about her being pregnant…..IDK but pregnancy should be a wonderful thing, its precious and its a time for mother to bond with baby growing inside, and time of happiness for both parents, creating a new life that you want to protect and cherish forever. This poor baby would be in the spotlight for being a byproduct of a very bad and messy relationship.

    I just feel that Miss A, is seeking attention for all the wrong reason. where initially I felt sorry for her being a victim of abuse, the current situation I feel sad for the poor fetus but really unsympathetic towards both her and him.

    miss A might as well of just come out and shown everyone her face, if she really want every aspect of her life and their relationship to be known to the media and general public then I think she should.

    There is no telling how certain people would behave given certain situations!!!!

    Total mess these two, they both need to seek therapy.

    He must still have a strong fan base, but I’m sure this latest situation is causing his career and image more damage.

  22. You make some valid points, but I just have to disagree with you. Whether KHJ enjoys beating weaker women or not,he beats them and that’s just never, ever right. Even if he feels like losing it, they are both adults so use your words, leave the room or write down what’s bothering you or take up kickboxing or something to relieve stress. Just don’t hit people, especially when you are angry because it’s so easy to lose control. How do you explain the fact than when an abused partner leaves his/ her abusive partner, the abusive partner eventually finds a new partner to abuse? And then again and again and again? An abusive partner almost never abuse one particular partner, it’s all of his/her partners untill he/she realizes it’s not right to do it. You can not convince me that a mother wants ( or taunts) her husband to tie their three little, young kids ( one with a slightly mental disability) to chairs, force them to watch how their father holds a knife to their mother’s throat while threatening to kill all four of them if they ever dare to leave him. And when the mother finally does have the courage to leave him with her kids, he finds another woman, makes another kid and repeat history. Only this time the woman stays. Some dudes are cunning and smart enough to know not to hit their pregnant wives( high risk of losing baby) so they bite their pregnant wives until they bleed, yet somehow they cannot change a light bulb. And when the babies changes into ruly toddlers to moody teenagers, they get beaten up too or maybe even kicked out of the house with no money, no other family at age 17. And so forth. I has nothing to do with how the abused person behaves, do things or just be the person they naturally are. It’s all in the hands of the abuser. Can they control themselves? Yes? Good. No? Please find help and stay away from the ones you hurt. I wish I had made up those stories, but they aren’t. It’s reality for a lot of households. An abusive relationship is almost always about power, with one holding power over the other. It’s truth when you say that a government, a bank, a boss or even a teacher holds power over you, but somehow it’s difficult to accept that your partner, your own parent(s) can hold that much power over you, yet I believe that one ( abusive, toxic) person can do that to you. It doesn’t mean you can’t take back your own agency, because you can. Most of the time by moving a hell lot fast away from that person. Encouraging, acknowledging the victim’s pain ( most of the time they are being told to suck it up, that they deserves it or that they are whining) and being kind and patient to a victim is essentiel to get a victim back up their feet . It can be enough to move miles and miles away the abuser, find a new job or learn a new profession and start a new life. It’s not coddling in my eyes, that’s supporting and empowering an victim.

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